“Words are here as a tool, as support as assistance for each one of us to communicate with each other, to converse, to express and live through our words, to show each other who we are as I am communicating, expressing, sharing and showing who I am through words. I am the words I speak as each are the words you speak. Words – through words we communicate, we share, we express – have anyone forgotten the importance of words, of realizing the simplicity of the living word?”
~ Osho through the interdimensional portal [1]
Within studying the basics of linguistics I realized how everything that we can define in this world, all that we are able to communicate, identify and depict in this reality can be expressed through words. Some years ago when I went through one year in linguistics school, I would hear teachers saying how we had chosen to study the most important subject within humanity, which is words – though I judged this as part of their necessary self-glorification because of having dedicated their lives to this science. I was wrong.
One of the core definitions we had to learn by heart is that language is a group of conventional signs arbitrarily created and agreed upon by people. When understanding how the sign was created as the arbitrary placement of one piece of reality= a group of letters called ‘word,’ I thought that this was almost like ‘violating’ the reality that is here – it was like becoming God within being able to name things and give it a certain space and value within what would become the realm of knowledge, our first bite of the apple.
Within this realization, I came to a precipitated conclusion that we had just created a world out of ‘made-up words’ – we had simply taken the entire language system‘as it is’ because that’s what we learn and acquire from our parents, that’s what we use to define what’s here and communicate with others, never really questioning to the core how is it that we have words for everything that is here in both physical and ‘abstract’ reality. At the time it felt like being studying the origin of the corruption of what is here as the primordial human imposition onto life, it was like separating a piece of reality, placing it under a certain category wherein we become the point that categorizes and ‘controls’ reality through words, this is where human’s ‘reason comes out as the self-belief – or dare I call it self-talk – that ‘we now know better’ because we are able to define it.
This mindfuck that I created for myself became an excuse for me to degrade this reality to being ‘an illusion’ and a ‘fallacy,’ because we have based our reality essentially out of words that – literally – god knows how we got to create. The origin of languages has been placed within the Indo-European civilizations according to the academy; however this only seems like placing a starting point for the sake of having that first methodic doubt solved and not have to linger around ‘filling the gaps’ within our history – which is still being sought/ studied in various fields of our human civilization (see.evil-I-zation)
That’s where I began seeing how there were words that are used to name what is here, what’s physically here – and that makes perfect sense – and words that were then pointing out to an almost ‘metaphysical existence’ that is not-tangible. We are human beings that require to interact with each other in relation to ‘What’s Here’ and whenever we say ‘what’s here’ it means: the world with everything that is existing as the entire ecosystem, the physical reality that we eat from, that we breathe and live and interact within. But then, the word ‘concept’ came into being, it was this ‘abstraction’ that the word becomes out of a piece of reality .
I’ll explain again the cookie-dough theory simply because that’s the way I was able to grasp it that day in school. We have the ‘nebulae of thought’ as they describe it – yet I would rather place it as we have the reality that is here as raw cookie dough. What we did as humanity, was creating a set of cookie cutters that are in, this case, a specific configuration of letters as words to take a piece of that entire mass of cookie dough and give it a shape, give it a form. Within the identification of such mass within a particular form, we are then able to give it a name, to call it in a way that we are able to identify it from the other pieces of reality that have been created with other different shapes from the same cookie-dough. Just as the first molecule explained, what happened as we went on creating words to name what is here is that the primordial separation of ourselves as one and equal began. Words became these capsules that enclosed a particular meaning/ piece of reality which was absolutely arbitrarily placed.
An example we had was in terms of different languages – in Spanish it is ‘tongues’ as languages is the system of signs, where as ‘tongues’ is different idioms as languages such as English, Spanish, German, Gaelic etc. So, let’s say we have a particular range of colors that go from green to grey. In English there can be a particular word that indicate a particular tonality of green that is predominantly green, whereas in another language such as Gaelic for example, there is a word that would comprise the meaning of a color that was considered ‘green’ yet it was predominantly grey in nature (nature seen here as the color spectrum.) And probably another language could have comprised the meaning of the exact equal combination of both colors in one single name of the color – this is how words that comprise a certain range of meaning in one language, would not exist in another, while – even worse, there was even a gap left for a particular color range that didn’t even have a name. When I realized this, the biblical myth of the Tower of Babel came to mind as our reality: separated by words, by different language systems wherein we all eventually got lost in translation and were simply cursed with having the ability to communicate only with those that used the same code, which eventually became our different cultures/ nations as the blocks of separation. In our attempt to ‘reach god’ we were instead separated through and by words.
“When the languages were confused at the tower of Babel – the outcome you are living now was already foresaw and programmed; and every thought you have was programmed through fuzzy-logic to give you the idea that it is ‘you’
[…]
So the tower of BABEL; it was the attempt of man to build the road/ladder to heaven on earth which was within the DNA/MEMORY of the beings confused to prevent them from doing this by creating multiple-languages so that the humans could not co-operate and never create heaven on earth as it is part of human nature that makes it impossible. Meanwhile it is part of pre-programming. Languages so became the sins of the fathers / the principle of divide and conquer. Now it’s taken forms as personalities as well that cannot see eye to eye.
~Bernard Poolman (25/11/2011)
A contemporary example of how this separation is now made into profit – and as our entire money system – is the eternal battle of Microsoft vs. Mac – you can’t simply make them function/ work along because of their different OS System, specifically designed to be incompatible and within this, polarize the computer industry/ market. That’s how we have existed as humanity essentially – and this is not only in relation to speaking different languages which define/ identify the entire culture of a civilization/ group of speakers – but also as the creation of words that became the ultimate tool – and even weapons – created and used to conquer reality, which means ‘gaining power = $’ as a means of control upon life.
Not being able to communicate effectively is also a big problem in our reality. We see this every single day when not being able to communicate within common sense with other beings, simply because knowledge and information as concepts, theories and further mindfucks clog the ways in which we could understand the simplicity of what being living the words imply. This is also because common sense as a living-realization of doing/being what’s best for all has not been lived/ applied either, and we are barely placing our feet on the ground to get to live that at the moment here. This is how and why the purification of vocabulary has been constantly reinforced within the Desteni material, to realize to what extent words are the key to Self Honesty, to Live as one and equal = because we create this reality as the words we accept and allow ourselves to live/ exist-as.
“Wanting/desiring to become God – is the most profound trap of enslavement in this world – that have raptured the very core of beings into separation. Seeking God as themselves or within others through utilizing methodologies of this world.”
~ Swami Muktananda through the interdimensional portal[2]
I underestimated and degraded myself as words at that time while deeming them as cages of this reality – fascinating self-revelation: me judging words with words that could only depict the nature of what I had accepted and allowed myself to be and become. That was the time when I decided that ‘words weren’t my thing,’ I dropped out of linguistics deeming ‘the systematic nature of words’ as something ‘too constrictive for my liberal mind.’ I opted to create images, entered art school and declared war against words.
It was rather foolish to do this because it’s definitely clear how we cannot separate ourselves from our creation – yes, this was my attempt to ‘escape the system’ as well. I also indulged in literature that would be vicious in nature, depicting the misery that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become in our desire to live within an equation of experiences = ‘being alive.’ It was only when I got to Desteni that I realized what a mindfuck I had created with my ‘rebellion against words,’ I had only created the ultimate separation and spitefulness toward myself, and the world as a whole.
“No word is just a word in this world–it is our fucked- up nature that is in the words
the deceptions exist as words–acceptances–kindness—allowances, etc.
do not avoid words — direct words”
~ Bernard Poolman
It is only now that I am able to see and realize who I have accepted and allowed myself to become as the words that I think, as the words that I speak and place into action by myself – that is and has become our ‘free choice’ wherein we have an array of words that we can choose to speak and embody without any insight or realization of what is it that we are in-fact saying/ speaking and communicating with others. When we do get to this point of seeing what-on-Earth we have become, the only way to stop it is through Self Forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to declare war against myself as words, to become disgusted by our creation as words and in that, spite my reality through indulging in the use of words to degrade myself through judging and criticizing myself/others, disregarding at all times who I was within and as such acceptance and allowance of uttering such words toward myself, others and the world that is here, that I separated myself from.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deem words as jails for our reality, and within this remaining as a victim of a system that I saw myself as ‘not being the creator of’ while neglecting the fact that I have accepted and allowed such words to exist as part of myself and this world, without seeing that it is only through and as myself that such ‘atrocities’ can stop, instead of blaming/ judging words for themselves. Words are innocent, it is only us that have given such ‘free reign’ of the having tried to avoid, suppress and escape from them through separating myself from the words I speak, never minding the consequence that I created and manifested through perpetuating the separation of everything that I name and speak as ‘separate’ from me.
“Words are innocent – it is us as who we are that place value and worth and definition to words. We have separated ourselves from words – where words had become separate from us – with separate definition, with separate energetic experience connotations to words which we have used to define who we are separate from ourselves – which has manifested in the form of mind consciousness systems.” ~ Sunette Spies
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to indulge into speaking words without ever questioning the consequences that I would be creating when uttering them, never questioning what words could create within this reality that is me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words to control, manipulate, denigrate, judge, criticize and vandalize a reality that I defined through words as the actual reflection of what is existent here as myself, as the depiction of what we are accepting and allowing ourselves to be and what we have become, never realizing that who I was in fact judging, criticizing, denigrating, manipulating and controlling is/was myself only through accepting and allowing such words to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and use words that would enable the continuation of abuse toward anything/ anyone in this reality that is also myself.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to not question the meaning of words and the potential harm/ abuse and separation that they implied. Within this I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to use words inadvertently, repeating the words I would hear around and see others speak without ever daring to stop myself to see what I was actually implying and meaning within such words.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak words out of spitefulness toward words themselves wherein I then placed myself as a victim of ‘language’ as a form of separation, instead of realizing that words are me, words are my creation and within this I take Self Responsibility for each and every single word I’ve uttered in disregard of this point of self-creation.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear using words such as hate, in fear of realizing that I was actually fearing realizing what was existent within me as ‘hate’ as part of this reality/ as myself.
See, this is the shocking point that I realized – how anything that can be named and defined is because: it exists. When reading words about our psychological terms, when finding out the meaning of certain words that imply actions such as forms of torture, diseases, social-negligence such as ‘starvation’ and ‘murder’ – these words exist because we have created them through our own actions. These words have been ‘lived’ – perpetrated – as what we have accepted and allowed as ‘human nature.’ Words are the mirror of what we exist as – and it’s definitely clear now that we must take Self Responsibility for each word that we have uttered in separation of ourselves. This world is the result from us speaking and acting without awareness of our thoughts and words, without considering what we were actually manifesting as ‘gods’ of this reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite myself with words that I used in order to ‘spite humanity’ as an attempt to become ‘god’ and stand in a ‘superiority’ point wherein I deemed myself to be ‘right’ and the rest of the world was ‘wrong,’ never realizing that this entire reality and words are who I am, and within this I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to use words in means of creating and building up an image of myself, an idea that has no relation to who and what I really am, here as the physical reality that I breathe in.
We have created words that are able to rise us up to a non-existent heaven, and words that can depict ourselves as the scum of the Earth. Last night I came to the realization that: we are one and equal as the scum of the Earth – why have we created such value systems as words that can categorize something that is here that may cause us repulsion or disgust – yet it’s part of the Earth itself, is our reflection, it is part of what’s also here as ourselves.
In an attempt to become God, we became our own holy talking ghosts with enough words to fuel our ‘idea of self’ with either delusions of grandeur or misery – both equally fucked – yet only existent in our minds in an invisible form, missing out the physical reality that is simply HERE as ourselves, as the flesh and bones, as the monads of life – if I can call it that – that we have simply disregarded while being too busy ‘thinking words,’ never seeing and realizing what we were caging and defining ourselves-as and the consequences of how we ‘shape’ ourselves as the words we say/think and act upon.
We are here in fact to relinquish such accepted and allowed past through writing ourselves out, unconditionally placing before ourselves even the darkest pit of our regret through words within the understanding that: we are able to Forgive Ourselves. Whenever I have realized and applied this, it becomes a living-realization that I can now let-go of any attachment I had toward everything that I had blamed myself for/ felt ‘bad’ about, any despicable words projected onto myself/ others and the guilt/ remorse and shame that comes with it, because there is nothing to keep lingering on to within that. It would only recreate the same patterns if I was unwilling to forgive myself. Blame is another way for us to keep that ‘trap’ in place, simply because in our minds it is a well-known place – whereas taking self-responsibility for our words to stop and correct such patterns is not yet. That’s how now we get to actually create ourselves from the vantage point of giving ourselves a second chance to actually live through applying and living Self Forgiveness.
What does Being the Living Word mean?
“We must, as I have, forgive ourselves for the allowance of separating ourselves from words, which caused knowledge and information only, alone, separately to try and understand and express itself through the creation of the mind/consciousness whilst us were unaware of who we are as knowledge and information in application: the living word. We have allowed ourselves to become slaves to knowledge, slaves to information and have forgotten how to live, forgotten how to breathe and have forgotten the moment as who we are in every moment with every breath.”
~ Osho [1]
“Words are alive – they haunt you infinitely if you abuse words – they never go away – there’s a haunted story if you’ve ever seen one – we’re living it in this world
what exist as this world which you touch – this is living words – this is the living word
touch is a word which you live – because you touch – so, you live the word touch”
~beard hair through the interdimensional portal, 2008
Be watchful when you speak – when you voice – be certain that when you speak the words are one with you as you as who you are of life – if they are not – you will surely create and experience what you speak and what you voice as who you are – you create and manifest and experience what you speak – if necessary – do not speak or voice at all – until you are clear and certain of you as who you are with every single word you utter.
~Muktananda [2]
What a great lesson we had missed all the way in existence: we create reality according to the words we speak, according to the words we have created to name our acceptances and allowances. We have given a name to the atrocities that we have perpetuated as our ‘human nature,’ as words we still accept and allow to exist as ourselves in this reality. Imagine being in the moment wherein we have to give a name to the act of a man having sexual intercourse by forcing a woman against her will to do so – the word ‘rape’ was created as an accepted and allowed ‘natural instinct’ of the ape man with and extra ‘r’ to camouflage the act and place it along the large list of words that mean the human actions that name the various ways in which harm and abuse exist.
We are the meaning of such words, it has been an accepted and allowed part of this existence – that is what we have become.
“You have taken the very nature of yourself for granted – your words – your words are who you are – thus who you are is in your words…”[1]
“Insight, wisdom, knowledge, understanding: No matter how beautiful or profound – is empty and worthless without self as presence as the words – without self as awareness as the words – without self living the words.” [2]
Within this process, living the words means we first purify our words to stand one and equal as the words that imply/ mean what’s best for all, as that which we actually see the expression of life can be, the expression that we have tampered with words that have diminished (de-manished) or augmented (increasing ourselves as our mind) ourselves and this reality in absolute separation of the actual expression that can be lived.
Words as Self-Creation
“Be aware, be watchful, be considerate, be creative, be expressive with and through the words you use as an expression, sharing and communication as who you are in every moment with every breath. The moment, the breath, the words, who you are as the living word – this is the recipe for creation. Creating through becoming and living who you are in every moment with every breath. Create yourself, express your creativity through words as who you are as the living word, you are the creator and creation of your world and your existence. You have the opportunity to create in every moment as the living word as who you are.” ~ Osho [1]
“What to do. Silence.
I must silence my mind to see. I must return to birth – to stop all words, all worth, all definitions and start as if I am just born, one difference though – I am going to be my own teacher.
I am going to birth myself.
I am unconditionally going to look at any words I choose to allow within me, as me again and start again.
It must be practical, not only in this world, but beyond.
I must be able to live and experience the word as myself. I must understand honesty with myself.
I must understand self discipline within the process of the movement of myself, as I create myself in this world.
I must stop at nothing and no-one and thus I must be able to stand as all life – meaning, that the answer must prove itself, that when all of life apply it as one, we will be equal and one and live in harmony as God.
I understand clearly that such a point of God/creator existed within each one of us.”
Bernard Poolman [3]
This is how it is explained that we must stop ourselves from recreating the past as words that we see in common sense – the realization of what’s best for all – are not supportive toward our expression, toward the consideration of living as equals/ regarding each other as one and equal.
This is the process that each one lives to see where and how we have separated ourselves from this basic consideration that must become the first educational aspect we can share with children coming into this world. Sharing with them how important it is to be aware of the words spoken to honor themselves and honor life equally, to not accept anything less than who we really are.
This is within common sense – not because words are ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and entering the morality trap again, but just placing a cool question in front: ‘what is it that you really want to be/ become as part of this world? What is the ultimate ‘wish’ for all of us to be and exist-as here? Everyone wants to be able to Live and express and ‘be free,’ thus we share words and live actions that we want to implement as the new way of speaking, living and acting in this world wherein no harm or abuse is accepted again – but expression in self responsibility is understood as the new ‘code in life’ – this is where purifying words/ living words becomes the language we speak. Within this single point, we will be giving an actual huge step for humanity to never again step into the old fuckedup preprogrammed ways of existing in separation ever again.
Self-Responsibility within Self-Creation
“All must, as I have, take responsibility as creators for their creation through words as who you are as I am to set ourselves free from allowed and accepted enslavement self-definition conditionings as knowledge and information which have become God, instead of each one realizing; I am God as the living word and I create in every moment, with every breath with each word creating and forming sentences as a statement of who I am through communication, sharing and self-expression.”
Osho [1]
“Though we’ve entered a phase within process wherein we’ll be stopping ourselves – through the experience of ourselves in and as manifested consequence – this consequence is not a ‘payment for deeds done or words spoken in the past’ from the perspective of ‘deserved revenge’, but simply to realize, simply to see – that there has been and is consequences to what has been accepted and allowed within each one’s actions and words towards self and another as self and another as self as within the manifested expression as this world/reality as nature, the animal kingdom and water.”
– Lao Tzu through the Interdimensional Portal [4]
“Self forgiveness and self corrective action must stand as one and equal as you in and as you – it’s the point of establishing oneness and equality in self expression here as you. Because when self forgiveness is applied absolutely, self honesty will emerge and within self honesty – you will absolutely live the self correction of and as that which you’ve self realized in self forgiveness – as what and how you must change and transform you in and as how you live and speak in self expression here as and while you participate in and as this world.” [4]
Self-Forgiveness is the application and I am the expression that lives it wherein I start taking Self-Responsibility for my creation as one and equal and within this, learning from scratch in humbleness how to become the living word as what I see and realize is what life in equality can be for all.

Cites
[1]Osho. “I am the living word in every moment.” Desteni. 22/03/2007. Web. 24 Feb 2012. <http://desteni.org/a/osho-i-am-the-living-word-in-every-moment>.
[2]Swami Muktananda. “In the beginning was the word and the word was God and the word was with God.”Desteni. 04/10/2007. Web. 24 Feb 2012. <http://desteni.org/a/swami-muktananda-in-the-beginning-was-the-word-and-the-word-was-god-and-the-word-was-with-god>.
[3]Poolman, Bernard. “I, the living word.” Desteni. 04/07/2007. Web. 24 Feb 2012. <http://desteni.org/a/bernard-poolman-i-the-living-word>.
[4]Tzu, Lao. “Manifested Consequence.” Desteni. N.p., 15/08/2008. Web. 24 Feb 2012. <http://desteni.org/a/manifested-consequence-lao-tzu>.
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170. Positive Thinking Irresponsibility
Continuing with Procrastination Character
As I had mentioned in the previous entry, whenever I had the ‘negative imagination’ such as the point of confronting my writings with my professor, I immediately create a rather positive point of imagination that is related then to, instead of dedicating myself to my writing, I would decide to rather ‘do some small things here and there’ and then go outside for a walk, for example.
I have made no excuse to not go outside for a walk as it’s been a very supportive point, however I see how within this same process of planning my day to ensure I do make some time to go out for a walk, I apply and implement the same for all my other tasks. This means that the seemingly ‘innocent’ moment of imagining the walk outside becomes another point of distraction.
Now, what I have realized as well is that this positive imagination does not ‘roll out’ much so to speak, meaning I am not fantasizing all the way about ‘walking’ or else, it’s simply a thought that rolls into the imagination of the air/ breeze, the view of the sun going down, clouds covering the sun, and having something to buy in the vegetable and fruit store/ getting milk – all which are also points that in my mind I make as ‘priority’ and something that ‘must be done no matter what’ which is yes, necessary – however the point is how I use these seemingly common sensical aspects to then simply place everything aside to ‘go get it.’ This means that I have ‘evolved’ somehow my own parameters of tricking myself into simply ‘leaving everything for a moment and going outside’ – which is how I then spend more than an hour out, come back to then see it as ‘too late to write.’
There are also future-projection points of imagination, wherein I am mostly waiting for the moment when it is all done and I simply can finally leave and be ‘free’ according to my expectations, which is probably the point of imagination that creates the most ‘noise’ as it is only within these thinking processes and imagination that I see it as ‘too far to get there’ and in that moment, instead of making the decision to walk it through in the moment and get it done, I go into the DIT (Do It Tomorrow) state wherein I simply give up any possibility of even approaching the document – thus, here another imagination with a negative charge comes in within this ‘battle’ between the positive and the negative: I go into the imagination of having to read through all these scattered bits of information and trains of thought that I had poured into that paper, aside from criticizing my Spanish for having too many ‘weird sentence constructions’ which I see I can simply stop judging and re-write in a more suitable manner.
Thus this imagination of having to ‘go through the document’ comes as it is: me sitting in front of my laptop and reading through the information, having to go creating the necessary cites and becoming quite specific within it all which in my mind has become part of an ‘undesired nightmare’ which is only me as my mind making of this task the boogey monster just by this image of me scrolling down all the writing and trying to ‘make sense of it all.’
I stop and I breathe as I see how there is even an anxiety linked to this imagination as I write it out here. It’s fascinating how within this simple example I see and realize how the seemingly ‘positive’ does not emerge from ‘nowhere,’ it’s actually stemming from the negative initial imagination of having to write/ having to fix/amend my writing/ having to actually do it and instead, covering it up with my personal version of love-and-light which is walking outside, having a ‘cool time’ and talking myself into it which I’ll disclose later in the backchat dimension. Thus it is plain to see how we cannot claim that the positive is ‘what it’s meant to be,’ as its very origin is actually a defense mechanism/ a distraction that we create in order to not have to face an actual point of responsibility. I also see and realize that I cannot have the single audacity of judging ‘love and light’ as long as I am creating my own ‘love and light’ through my positive imagination rolling in a seemingly ‘innocent/ harmless’ manner, which has actually become an accumulation of a ‘good/ positive experience’ to cover up the actual procrastination/ negative experience that I have accepted and allowed within me.
So, let’s roll with Self Forgiveness these points:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a positive imagination point of me going outside, seeing the weather as perfect for a walk and in that moment imagine myself strolling around, experiencing the chilly breeze of air, the streets, the moment of walking in order to convince myself that I should rather go out for a walk instead of writing and leaving the writing for ‘later,’ without realizing that this single occurrence that I have made ‘okay’ to be disciplined about in my day to day living – such as doing it on a daily basis no matter what – has become one of the primary factors to kind of ‘make my day’ to in my mind create a positive experience toward it, instead of facing the point of responsibility that I am ‘saving for later’ due to choosing to go and do that which makes me feel ‘good’ and ‘fine’ about myself/ my day.
When and as I see myself being in the moment of the day wherein I see that it is time for me to write/ tap into the writing itself and get the image rolling of me walking in the street, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is the moment wherein I make the commitment to not just follow the ‘positive image’ and instead commit myself to do what I require to do, which implies that I can instead schedule my day to ensure that I get to do all my tasks, including my walk, and instead of seeking to have ‘long hours for my writing’ only, I make it a point to work on it in a consistent manner, as this is the only way I see I can ensure that I do not continue postponing and ‘saving for later.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind make it ‘okay’ to imagine for a moment me walking outside/ going out for a walk and use that single point of imagination as enough of a reason to go outside and actually do it, leaving aside everything else because ‘it’s my time and my moment for myself,’ – thus within this positive backchatting creating an acceptable reason for me to do that instead of actually focusing on making it a point to write before I go to the walk, and this is a more suitable way to actually direct my day instead of being ‘waiting’ for the apparent ‘right moment’ that is actually subsumed by all other tasks and bits that I instead go into, leaving aside once again this primary task that must be done.
When and as I see myself making the point of walking an okay thing to do in the moment, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can in fact continue having that moment within my day, however instead of using the time as a ticking clock for the time to go outside, I use that time to go into my writing. I see and realize that I have created this idea of me having to be in a particular ‘moment/ point of experience’ to be able to write about this, this which is bullshit and a blatant excuse disguised with characters to actually not do what I have to do.
Thus I commit myself to not leave the writing for ‘the end of the day’ as I realize that such moment is not the most ‘suitable moment’ to do so, as that is when I instead go into any other point that requires direction or even another distraction wherein I then waste time that I could have used to do whatever I did before going out for a walk.
In this I see that it is more suitable for me to write during the day than waiting at night to do so, as the night comes and then the ‘Do it tomorrow’ mode becomes another way to justify not getting to it today.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the imagination as a remembrance of me deciding to write my document and having to go through these endless pages of scattered information that I have equated to a point and experience of anxiety and frustration and irritation, due to me having had no regard to go placing the necessary data to be able to identify the information appropriately.
When and as I see myself using the imagination of me scrolling down the entire document and reading through it as a negative experience within me, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have kept this memory as a point to re-enact whenever I am ‘apparently’ making a decision to just do it, and that I have repeated and integrated at the level of a physical habit in order to Not do things which is unacceptable, as I then pull out the imagination point of ‘walking outside’ as a positive experience and make it ‘okay’ to just leave everything else for later.
I commit myself to stop fooling myself within my own mind with all types of images and excuses and justifications to not move and not do this – it is even quite a joke to see how I have committed myself to write on a daily basis for a while now and how I have been able to do that without major problem, however when it comes to another writing point that I have separated from my current writing, I judge it as a burden/ as a point of resistance which simply allows me to see where and how I have created separation within my own value system of what type of writing is ‘more important to do’ instead of actually realizing that if I am able to write here, I am able to write in just another word document as well – it is a single physical aspect/ point to walk through, committing myself to remain here as breath to not allow any negative experience such as anxiety or fear itself as a single point that prevents me from simply doing it.
I commit myself to walk through the resistance to write and stop all positive imagination to not do it in that moment, and instead direct myself to open the document, start reading/ looking at points that require to be re-written, re-arranged and give it the same point of dedication that I have committed myself to in my daily writings, as it is then a single point to extend my responsibility to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my own ‘temptations’ through my own participation in imagination, wherein I then become a ‘victim’ of my own positive-imagination to lure me into doing something that I ‘enjoy’ instead of doing that which must be done no matter what.
When and as I see myself creating my own ‘temptations’ of luring myself into doing something that I would ‘rather do’ and ‘enjoy more’ doing/ participating in, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is my point of responsibility and I see how it is just like a foolish point to continue giving my power away to this, as I realize that no matter how much I ‘think of doing it,’ it won’t make me more or less responsible about it, this is about being physically moving here wherein I stop all assessments, judgments, time calculations, positive imagination thinking and future projecting about the task at hand – instead, I bring myself back to breath and simply do it.
I commit myself to not use a positive image of me doing anything else BUT going into the actual physical opening of the document and working on it which I realize is just an action of Doing it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by my own imagination as a positive and or negative experience that in both cases, becomes an obstacle for me to not do it, within this
When and as I see myself going into my own imagination as an excuse to not do things, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have made it ‘okay’ for me to ‘follow my desire to have a positive experience’ during the day instead of realizing that it is not about giving up ‘walking’ altogether, but simply not using it as an excuse or reason in my mind to do this instead of ‘that.’
I commit myself to stop participating in my mind in imagination in order to actually get REAL and physical with what is required to be done.
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