Tag Archives: training

371. Desteni Insider: Fear, Fear, Fear

 

The easiest way to be a mind controlled individual is through accepting fear as part of ourselves, yet from the moment we step into this world, fear is what is propagated from the very moment we are taught how to survive and call it ‘becoming a happy and successful human being’ and cope within a reality that has a foundation of zero guaranteed support if you have no money, which is then the driving force of every single decision we are able to make in this world, because even our ‘life’ is actually motivated by fear of death.

 

We learn that we must always aim to always be the best, always aim to be successful and be the most beautiful, bright, charismatic, benevolent and joyful human being that loves and is loved by everyone around you, without understanding how such desire is in fact motivated by Fear of being  the entire opposite: a failure, a sad, dismal, ugly, loser that is hated by everyone if one does not comply to what parents, teachers and society tells you to be and become – and fear for your survival! because success always has a happy face.  It seems odd that in our 21st century of ‘the new era’ that began with an individual coming into this world to leave a message of Life in Equality, we didn’t change anything in the world and continued to base all our systems – economic, political, social and digital – on Fear that is created the moment you know that if you have no money, no personality, no worth or value at the eyes of everyone else: you die.

 

DSC01841

Reencarnación = Loop = Repetición Contínua (2008)

 

These are some of the aspects that we have come to accept as ‘facts’ not that they imply the are true facts: you know that if you are not the brightest person in your class you are part of the losers, you know that you must aim to be number one in everything or else you won’t be accepted in the best circles in society, you know that if you don’t look pretty enough, cheerful enough people will judge you for being awkward and sad. And yes it is mostly so, because we have accepted knowledge as who we are and in that accept the polarities of good and bad, loser and winner, fear and desire, love and hate as the living as the narrow white and black mind reality that we have defined ourselves without ever questioning why we always had to be constantly fearing to be or become everything that is seen as bad, negative, ugly, dismal – little did we know that this also had been part of the game to keep everyone locked into an eternal desire to thrive while accepting strife as part of our day to day living in this world.

 

As I’ve said, I realized that the world is in reverse therefore all that seemed good, benevolent, happy, loving was in fact just another side of the coin motivated by one of the main roots that motivates ‘our lives’ which is fear: fear of dying, fear of not being good enough, fear of being rejected, fear of not being up to other’s expectations, fear of being alone, fear of what people will think of me, fear of how others see me, fear of doing and saying the wrong things, fear of making mistakes, fear of public exposure, fear of being ‘on the spot,’ fear of taking responsibilities, fear of having to make decisions, fear of the dark, fear of dark entities, fear of being hijacked, fear of ending poor, fear of dying of hunger, fear of not ‘making it’ in this life, fear of losing my spot, fear of having others plotting against me, fear of people disliking me, fear of being liked by ‘the wrong people,’ fear of being caught if my secrets were to be out, fear of having my face be displayed in ‘public sites,’ fear of having my name being known by too many people, fear of what my family would say, fear of having some deadly disease, fear of robbers, fear of vagrants, fear of drunks, fear of the city, fear of being crazy and deluded, fear of being misunderstood, fear of god, fear of aliens, fear of germs, fear of war, fear of the unknown,  fears, fears, fears….

 

Don't speak

(2007)

I hadn’t realized how fearful I was until I begun writing myself to freedom and I realized that to begin with I had to apply self forgiveness for all the fears that came up whenever I had to write and actually publish my writings online! Oh dear god that was such a ‘ludicrous’ thing for me to even conceive what if my family reads it, what if that person in my life gets to read what I really thought, what if someone stalks me, what if they think I’m in a cult, what if they lose all respect for me, what if I lose credibility… all these what ifs came up while beginning to post my blog in its original location back in April 2008. It took me some months to finally begin writing which wasn’t something ‘new’ to me, but certainly the starting point was absolutely new because I was going to for the first time apply Self Forgiveness and mostly all I could see were: Fears. It is quite clear to me now that fears are limitations, fears are excuses to not give the necessary steps to walk beyond our comfort zone. Every single day that I wrote and published, fears would come up and every single day I had to push myself to deliberate ‘just do it’ while still hoping that no one that I know would get to see it. I feared having a YouTube Channel because I would have never ever in my life back then thought of recording my face/myself and broadcast it to thousands and thousands of people because ‘oh what would they say about my face, what would they say about my voice, what would they think about my thoughts?’ all of it fear paranoia that I decided to also break through with great nervosity but certainly understanding why I was doing it: this was a process wherein I was genuinely committing myself to stop all fears, all the limitations that were only existent in my mind as the accepted ‘I Know’s’ that I’ve described before and committing myself to prove each one of them to be nothing else but a mind delusion I had participated in throughout my life.

 

I can recall myself as a ‘very fearful person’ and one of the aspects I have certainly committed myself to stop within this process is Fear and interestingly enough, the process was an integral aspect of understanding reality, getting to know that there were no ‘invisible forces’ dictating my life or attempting to harm me in the dark,’ understanding how virtually any fear that I had projected upon others toward myself was Only my own creation, only existent in my mind and as such I could write about it, self forgive it and realize myself as being able to exist without fear, which then became a day to day process of bit by bit letting go of the fears.

 

DSC00633

(2008)

It is quite normal that once we are stripped from the comfort of all the apparently ‘good’ and ‘positive’ what is left is all the negative, the bad, the ugly truth of who we are and have become, and the Desteni Process is certainly where we get to face that ugly truth that we have all tried and attempted to cover up, disguise and suppress with nice masks of ‘everything is fine,’ and ‘everything is rosy and shiny’ and ‘I am alright, I am happy, I am satisfied’ and never ever daring to see the actual reality hiding behind such nice and positive fluff. That is where I learned from Jack’s article The Courage of Self Honesty wherein I begun to understand that walking this process takes guts and that fear was the weak link I had to constantly work with to push through the boundaries. Every single point that I was able to ‘overcome’ within understanding how I had created the fear and how I kept feeding it by ‘making it real’ made me become more stable within the realization that even opening up points about myself implied an effort to ‘open them up’ to the point where the expressions that I used to this process became elusive to doing that which would seem terrifying to do at first glance: opening the can of worms and digging out the rotten corpses – both squeamish and stinky, haunting ghosts that were literally petrifying myself and holding me back from writing and going deeper into the actual ‘nitty-gritty’ of myself, my thoughts, my experiences, and that’s where I saw what kind of a web we have spawn through our very own creation of personalities and characters that I became aware of were nothing else but sheer mind distraction to keep me enslaved to thinking, fearing, desiring, wanting, needing and repeating the whole cycle over and over and over again, not to mention how the self definition of being a fearful person became a self definition of submission, self belittlement, self judgment, seeking for acceptance, seeing myself as not pretty enough, having some odd body that no one would like, having odd personality, fearing that people would notice how I was not comfortable in my own skin, fear of being made fun of, fear of being ‘the joke’ to laugh at – inferiority, disbelief in my abilities and capabilities, fearing growing up, fearing being betrayed, fearing losing friends and relationships, fear of never being the expectation that I thought everyone had upon me… all these aspects became the points I opened up throughout day to day writing and pushing myself to the point of change in an immediate desire to be just self realize and believing that having no ‘chatter’ in my mind meant ‘being done with process,’ lol – little did I know I was barely beginning it and still today after 5 years it is only the first phase, the first baby steps of the rest of our lives.

 

Within fears and fearing to look at the truth of myself, I created more fear and petrification and it became an obstacle initially within my process. I received a specific interview with support and feedback on myself at that time which supported me tremendously to first of all accept the fact that FEAR is what I existed as, I was too ‘okay’ within the belief that ‘I am fine and nothing is wrong with me’ without realizing that this too was obviously a way to conceal the actual truth: I feared opening myself up, I feared publishing myself, I feared that what I said would be used against me, I feared that someone would be disappointed at me – yet, step by step, day by day I continued opening up the points to get to see more and more about myself, the reality of the aspects I had thought I had ‘hidden’ very well. But through all the supportive videos and vlogs of other people sharing how they had begun applying the Desteni tools themselves, I got to realize that I had to do the same in order to break through that essential layer of brainwashing that I had embodied throughout my life.

 

 

 

Writing Self Forgiveness on every single fear that would come up in the moment of writing within opening up any aspect within my daily writing supported me to realize how every point of complication, problem and discomfort experience within was able to be transformed into a point of expression of what I can instead direct myself to live, be and become – through words this means placing very directive statements within common sense of what I realize and how I will direct myself from this moment of understanding on.

Throughout the years the process has implied continuously breaking through and walking through fears of virtually about anything that I believed myself to be, challenging it to the core and gaining the ability to instead of fearing and seeing problems, establish solutions. This is not an easy task since it is a continuous feedback process that doesn’t only exist at an individual level. The chats held every single week of the year within the Desteni group for those that are genuinely interested in their own process of Self Responsibility in Self Realization supported me to gain several perspectives from what others were also experiencing and allowed me to understand that we truly all function at the same level of fears that tamper our ability to exist as self directive and common sensical individuals.

Within Desteni, real life investigation is necessary and that is through walking our day to day living as well as within the information available like documentaries and books – we have been able to correlate and verify the mechanisms explained within the Desteni Material to be an essential part of the agenda that exists as the main form of Mind Control to have individuals be directed by emotions and feelings rather than facts and common sensical assessments. This is but a fraction of the understanding that I’ve gained throughout the 5 years I’ve walked with the Desteni group, continuing to see and research on daily basis on all the scientific advancements and technological endeavors that attempt to create solutions to this world – but, as long as the mind within who we are as human beings is not understood, it should be obvious that it will be very difficult to be able to create solutions unless we first go through this individual process of self-support at an individual level to understand fear as the control mechanism with which we prevent ourselves from walking as integral beings that have a clear understanding of what is required to be done into this world if we so in fact want to live in a world that we can all be proud of.

The application of stopping fears doesn’t imply ‘never again fearing anything’ – there are practical fears wherein if you know you’re about to crash the car that’s in front of you if you don’t slow down, is rather a warning system to slow down and take proper measures to drive safely. The fear of ending without any money should not be a constant worry and concern but rather a practical understanding that if you have no money in this world, you have no access to what you require to live and that is then a call to direct oneself to get an effective means to make a decent income to live – furthermore such fear should be the driving force for each one of us to rather create a system that ensures and secures the well being of every individual so that we never again have to go through life fearing to be killed, robbed or high-jacked for someone else to make money that should be – by virtue of human rights – available to everyone equally.

 

 

DSC00634

(2008)

I’ve become an individual that doesn’t allow fear to be the directive principle of my actions, feelings or emotions, there are obviously aspects yet to be faced and walked but it becomes fairly easy to spot the fears when one gets any form of mind feedback as thoughts, emotions or feelings in the moment as an attempt to go back into inFEARiority, limitation and any other experience that we had become so used to exist in. Now I can assess the situation and realize that it is up to me to give into the fear within the mechanism of control it exists as OR decide to walk in common sense which means deciding to live, act and speak according to what is best for all. This doesn’t end there, since all aspects of self interest and apparent stability must be cross referenced to ensure this is yet not another ‘fearless personality’ but genuinely assessing consequences of my actions and inactions and the responsibility entailed, as well as the effects that can harm or abuse others.

I’ve come to understand how loving someone is in fact created out of fear of losing that something or someone and that the fear that is propagated in our society as all things ‘positive’ is in fact the best way to keep us all chained to our misery and self-limitation. Becoming an emotional-fearless being is an every day application wherein every moment that we see ourselves being held back by a single thought or emotional experience, we must investigate what is it that we are fearing to begin with in order to get the root and cause of the experience, this is by far a very simple and practical application that anyone can use to see then how to give ourselves direction instead of giving in to fears and limitations.

Walking the process of Self Honesty to become a living being that is always here as breath is where I am at now in this process has enabled me to understand the human mind and within this also have the ability to support others the same way I have been supported to face myself. This is why the process cannot be walked alone, another’s feedback is always necessary to ensure one is not creating yet another mind-dimension of being ‘fearless’ and ‘stable’ without genuinely living as such in our every day living.  That we could all use to genuinely create a world that we all want to live in, a fearless world – yet this is not possible if we don’t walk this process individually to take responsibility for the limitations we’ve existed in.

 

More to come…

 

 

Advertisements

Tranquility

Writing for the sake of grounding myself as this is how I have walked through any point that I would have considered earth-shattering throughout my life and walking of this process.

Tranquility – I used to define and associate this word as the opposite of being in a loud place like a city with many people – you know, the usual images of the zen garden having only the buzzing of insects as background, having no major external disturbance and instead a nice fluffy environment I could simply sit and drift away in some mental-created state of ‘tranquility’, the type of ‘drifting off with the sea’ which I would experience when staring at it for a long period of time whenever I had the chance to do so.

Another memory is how my mother would tell me ‘tranquila, serena’ which she’d word whenever I’d go into any of my usual hissy fits and rage for anything in my world that I would vehemently react to spewing words that could somehow depict the amount of disgust and/or hatred I had towards something/ someone outside of myself. Actually no, I didn’t ‘hate’, I have always deemed that word as ‘too much’ for me to handle so it was mostly a general angst that I would then get patted on my back to be ‘at ease’, like snapping out of any given tantrum and being treated like a mentally deranged person that gets calmed down by being patted on the back – that’s how I would experience the ‘then’ tranquility experience, like that sedated effect that comes after we’ve unleashed hundreds of tears of sadness or anger.

Tranquility was always then a reaction-experience ‘after the storm’ as the necessary pole that would place an ‘end’ to any of the usual turmoil experienced – a sense of ‘everything is now fine in the outside world, there’s nothing ‘bothering’ me, I am at ease, I am tranquil now’ yet, it was always only an experience, a mentally created state for the sake of calming my waters down.

Tranquility also brings the song ‘stone in focus’ and how I used to repeat the same track ad nauseam hoping to find some sense of transcendence after numbing myself with such hypnotic sounds. That sense of ‘losing myself’ just as any other false tranquility that weed would give me, when I was able to remain staring at the ceiling for long periods of countless time, listening to equally mind droning music that seemed to have no beginning and no end.

Tranquility as being alone in my house, as having no neighbor-sounds coming at all, that sense of being finally living in a perfect world where I can hear my own heartbeat and breathing.

Tranquility as having enough money on my pockets throughout my life so that I wouldn’t’ have to worry about getting something to eat the next day. That false sense of tranquility that money can give to only a few compared to the vast majority that’s living in such a struggle for this sense of ‘financial tranquility’.

All of these definitions – and probably many more hidden in the backtracks of the overrated life experience – are associated with what I had understood ‘Tranquility’ to be. Though they were nothing but counter acts, self-created mindfucks of having specific sounds, pictures, people or the lack thereof around me to create a sense of ‘peace’ which is also what I sought through meditation and any other practice in ‘stilling the mind’ as in shutting up a never-ending thinking machine without ever even considering that I had to actually face myself as such mind, that I just didn’t have to ‘stop it’ and ‘shut id off’ but instead had to walk an actual point of Self Correction.

The correction with regards to this word now is how I can define tranquility as every moment that I am here breathing, stopping any thoughts and remaining attentive as the focus necessary to be stopping and redirecting ourselves every time.

This implies having no time-lag of any memory, picture or idea in my mind that could stir my waters into any direction up there in the mind as yet another experience. Instead of making of tranquility a separate ‘act’ that would be encouraged and self-created/ impulsed as a ‘need’ or ‘necessary outflow’ out of having experienced the opposite – such as anger, sadness or any other emotional outburst for that matter –  I now walk the process of embracing tranquility as that simplicity of being here as the physical body, ensuring I face myself as my mind watching the thoughts go by, self forgiving and ensuring I do not participate on them.

I write myself and voice myself as self forgiveness to stop any delusions that may be occupying my mind and thus I’m able to remain here as breath, walking, directing and within that, actual tranquility exists –  I make sure I am self directive instead of being only a prey to my own mind, being hunted/haunted by my own beliefs, ideas, preferences that I then face to see how it is simply a matter of realizing the program, stopping the thoughts linked to that to stand and focus on what’s actually here as the breathing-walking-living reality as self.

This is how tranquility is not some externally created moment with nice pictures all around to build and sell the entire package, but instead I make sure I realize tranquility as myself as nothing moving inside me and remaining just here, self directive, aware as my physical body –  breathing.

 


%d bloggers like this: