Tag Archives: truth seeker

March 23, 2019

638. A Redefined Spirituality

By Marlen

 

 The following is inspired by the writings of a life  colleague –  as I am now deciding to define him – who shared a lengthy letter to me as a response to something that I wrote him in an intent to assist in seeing the blueprint of the points that I consider were veiling him from seeing through the steps to get back into an ownership of his self creation and self awareness,  which he has walked in his very own set of paths of ways – but interestingly enough, we have found each other having the same intent and purpose in our lives which we will be joining in an common project where we can share more of our personal experiences and processes with many more that might find themselves in the same kind of ‘holes’ in our creative processes that we have both acknowledged having been limited by in our creative paths of inner and outer creations.  

To give some context to this self forgiveness, this is a reflection of what I see of myself in his words and speaks to anyone that can identify themselves with being ‘a seeker’ or someone that seeks meaning to one’s own existence, to one’s own creation in many ways and paths and if not getting to live their potential, it becomes a source of emotional and detrimental experiences such as falling generally ‘ill’ in the form of lacking direction and purpose, being stagnant in expression, losing sight of the ‘bigger picture’ in life, being veiled by emotions such as dread, depression, sadness, despair and in a way blaming everyone else that doesn’t seem to care for life and the world as oneself as the source for our own apathy and frustration, not realizing we are ‘it’ ourselves too in living out that character of disempowerment and helplessness and victimization.

 To sum up, it reminded me a lot of the path that I’ve also walked and that it’s still part of me and I have not forgotten it, I just have in a way stepped out of the cocoon and see things quite differently now, but it is as if I am embarking myself in this new project and walking with him in this project in this phase of my life because our will was mightier than the limitations that we many times fell into, and I’m genuinely glad and happy to see him slowly but surely realizing these things and taking on his creative path again, which I recognize that I have to do myself in my own self imposed limitations as well, and it’s great to have someone to walk such path with, someone that understands the seemingly ‘similar’ kind of patterns that some of us ‘creative’ people go through, but many often give up half way and get lost in the midst of ‘the fog’ and don’t persevere enough to see through the illusions to remain ‘with the finger in line’ as he says, living one’s expression and will, despite the nature of everything and everyone around us as it currently exists, but being courageous enough to understand things at a deeper level and hold that little flame alive within us no matter what, and let each other know ‘hey I am here, I understand, I walk with, let’s work together’ which is quite priceless and unique to find seemingly ‘out of nowhere’ and here is to say as well that coincidences don’t exist, only what we determine ourselves to be and do which eventually takes us to where we need to be to fulfill that which we set ourselves to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep quiet and wait for someone else to make the decisions of what I should be and do and within that, diminishing bit by bit my determination to express and take responsibility for the decisions that I make and what I live in my life, which I realize diminished my ability to live me and bit by bit dried the flow of the abundant river that I have always been aware exists as me, as the life that I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself into experiences of despair and arguing for my limitations in neglect cultivating my own confidence and stance that has always been here as myself, it just got clouded by the emotions that became the comfortable way to justify not living the potential of who I really am as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of my mind my own obstacle that created shame, anger, despair, uncertainty and sadness which I realize is the way in which I now realize are the ingredients to create resistance,  which my mind creates in greed of energy and in allowing that, I stepped further and further away from actually getting to do what I know and have always been aware of is the truth of my being, what I can and need to direct myself to be, live and express.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a comfort zone in remaining skeptical and not want to intervene in my own life in order to not have to take responsibility for myself, not realizing that this seemingly ‘comfortable zone’ led me to sink deeper in a hole where I alienated myself from my own wholeness, from my own power as the capacity to direct myself, to intervene in my own life, to decide to change if something wasn’t working anymore, to innovate in the way that I can decide to live me and within that acknowledging the work, dedication, consistency and will that it will require to create and live myself as the best that I can be. That’s what self-creation is all about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be-lie-ve the statement ‘nothing really matters’ as a way to avoid myself in taking action in all the things that I knew I had to take action on in my life to be and become the better version of myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to have been in great thirst of knowledge and information in an attempt to find a way to change the way that I am and how I see and understand life, not realizing how I only inflated my mind with it, but I wasn’t really learning and applying how to really nurture my soul and being in the daily actions, words and habits that I realize I have to take action on in order to live the best of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately over complicate myself with theories, ideas, beliefs and philosophies which I realize may assist in our paths, but can also create new excuses where we miss out the common sense that always exists within ourselves, we just have to decide to let go of wanting to ‘seek out there’ and instead start getting to ‘what’s inside of me’ and write myself to see who I really am, what I really want to do, defining my purpose, defining my drive and take the first steps to do so in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I know many things but not really getting to understand the steps, the process it takes to interiorize, to integrate, to live the awareness of the things I realized in my life. I realize it takes actual change, work and effort to live the words that I get through realizations.

I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to realize how ‘realizing’ and understanding something invariably leads to the next step which is to take action on it, to not only be infatuated in an enlightening idea or momentary experience, but to embrace and direct that impetus to create the actual change in space and time and take the necessary steps to do so in order to honor the path that took me to get to realize, see and understand what I now see, realize and understand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow myself to define me and allow myself to be dictated by the construct and concept of time, by the illusion of having to remain ‘current’ according to that abstraction which time is – which we have created in means to control ourselves. I realize we create time, we decide how we live time in this reality, but I no longer allow myself to be dictated by it and what I should feel or experience according to the idea I have around it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself in a bottle of complexities where I believed no one else cared, no one would understand or listen and in that, miss out the many opportunities to connect , share and get to know others, because of becoming my own living judgment of seeing everything as ‘lost and pointless’ and not seeing that in doing so, I wasn’t getting anywhere else but became more detached from myself, from my own reality and from getting to understand ‘the other’ as myself too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy and apathetic to continue discovering the wonders of who we are and can be and become, and instead to become sad at the apathy I saw in others, not realizing that in doing so, I became equal to what I was only seeing in them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the epitome of hope in despair, where I gave myself up in the wait for something or someone else to show me the way, to tell me what to do and not take responsibility to be my own director, my own guide, my own master that is self-created – not following, not taught, but simply learning from others’ experiences and making them my own by testing them out to see if they work or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the idea of lack as an excuse and as a determining factor of my being where I placed myself into a survival mode  that turned me into a selfish and ruthless being, becoming fearful, anxious and angry at myself for knowing that this ‘lack’ is entirely self created and that no one else is doing this to myself, but me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not give me the gift of Understanding another, because I realize that I can’t hate another if I understand how we all have created this in separation of who we really are as life. I now realize that Understanding is one of the most profound and liberating gifts we can give to ourselves.

I forgive myself as everyone else in our weaknesses and fractured beingness because as big as the weaknesses and fractures are, these cannot override the virtues that we actually are and can develop as the new nature of our being. This is self-creation, it is not born from perfection, but from the decision to overcome the complexities, the falls, the mistakes, the wrongdoings, the self-neglect.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to neglect the dedication it requires to get to understand how we function in our minds and our being, because that in itself reveals our truth and as such, it becomes the most useful thing to do and dedicate our lives to cultivate.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not continue cultivating my own understanding to direct and create my own healing process and within that, cultivate my own self-awareness,  to no longer be defined and limited by survival in this world as a justification to not live the wholeness of myself in  my day to day and in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to redefine spirituality as a sincere and grounded way to define and create my own being, to create the habits and methods to continue developing my self-awareness in every moment of my existence, to be in contact with my being, my body and to create an awareness of the effect that my thoughts, words and deeds create in my reality. I realize I can do this without the need of crystalized dogmas and instead can be lived by a simple and consistent dedication in developing these supportive habits of being in contact with myself and taking full ownership of my capacity to define, reinvent, innovate and reconstruct myself, because no one else can do this for me, but myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live determination and do the hard work that it takes to live this process of creating my own life and self awareness, because I realize it requires courage and determination and I believed myself to be devoid of these. Now I realize we all have what is needed, that we all can live these words and that’s the living faith in which I decide to live in, to be the driving force of my capacity, will and determination to do that which I know and realize are the building blocks to the creation of who I really want to be as the expression of the wholeness that I go creating and expressing in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having been ashamed in being the one that is not following the same path as everyone else, but instead decided  to swim against the flow, going into the opposite direction while everyone seemed to not care or see where they are being led to.  Now I realize, see and understand that this very will, determination and decision to keep going ‘against all odds’ got me to where I am today, where I now open my eyes to see that there is no shame at all in living my own truth even if no one seemed to care or understand, because it’s not about others but about my own decision to live me, to express that care, that love which is sufficient to live the truth of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up many times in the many creative ways that I pursued at some point in my life, not realizing that I can work things, that I can implement changes and innovate in my life to keep that living flame alive even if it only seems to lighten up my own face. I realize that this is what living me and expressing me means, to do it because of myself and for nothing and no one else other than the expression of the potential that is unleashed when one decides to live unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret the perceived’ wasted time’ when I neglected the essentially creative capacity that I am and that I have. I now realize that such ‘wasted time’ was part of the process and the many roads that have led me to be and become who I am here, that I can start where I am – in every moment, in every new breath – and to realize that in any moment, I can only be the one that drives me or becomes my own worst-enemy and limitation to do this as an expression of myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that frustration is a symptom of the incomprehension of my own self movement, and that stagnation is no more than the nature of all sickness that manifests when I don’t allow myself to flow and be the water that flows, that reclaims its natural will to express, to flow, to be, to adapt, to move and embody the realization that its movement never ceases, because I’m not defined by a measure of time – I embrace the creation of the potential that I decide to live and cultivate as the everlasting self that always remains here, just like the water in the world.

I forgive myself for living out my weaknesses and for allowing them to affect others in their own lives. I now decide to work on the changes, the habits, the actions that will turn them into actual strengths.

I realize that I can only get through in my life if I place my own faith back on myself as the recognition of my capacity to change my reality and the outcome of my life through the work that I can dedicate myself to do every day in order to honor the wholeness of my being, to no longer be trapped in the experience of lack and all its unfulfilled concepts that I had allowed myself to believe and be enslaved by.

I now take ownership of my own discipline and self-creation moved by the love that I realize I can express in my work and the enjoyment that I imprint on it and on myself in doing so.  I commit myself to become the author and creator of all of this that celebrates the manifestation of what and who I realize I really am at a fundamental and existential level as life itself.

I understand and realize that time is only a measure of earthly oxidation, however even if I deteriorate, it does not define my stance and who I am as I keep my finger at it, becoming and living the drive that has got me to where I am here today, because no matter what: I remain current.

I decide to trust myself in my decisions, my actions, the paths that I decide to walk, embrace the ups and downs it may entail because I decide to trust myself in being able to learn from it and expand my expression through that, because I realize that that’s what living life is all about.

 

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Join in if you want to start walking your own process of defining your Self-Honesty

1 Comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in Deconstruction of Self, depression, Life in Equality, self awareness, self creation, self enjoyment, Self Expansion, self expression, Self Forgiveness, self intimacy, self responsibility, self trust, self-expansion, self-expression, self-leadership, self-relationship, self-religion, Self-Responsibility

March 6, 2017

527. Deception: Where does it Really Start?

By Marlen

The other day I read and participated on an interesting thread at the Desteni Forum about the theory of the Earth being flat and it caught my attention because I have been part of the people that have investigated some of it in order to spend some time pondering whether we are truly living in the shape of the Earth we have believed it to be thus far… however what I brought myself to realize is how ultimately irrelevant the subject is, but more so than that how we are already perceiving reality in a very limited view and the very fact that we cannot even be aware of how every single cell and organ of our body functions all the time and how every single thought or experience that we allow ourselves to have impacts our body. Therefore how can be so ‘sure’ of anything in this reality based on what science or ‘counter-scientists’ can explain based on an apparent ‘authority’ that they have adjudicated to themselves to define what’s ‘real’ and ‘what’s not’ – yet all of it being knowledge coming from a limited self-awareness as life, which is what we currently are all living as human beings.

What was pointed out in the whole discussion is that deception is something that exists from the beginning of our existence and is definitely not limited to a ‘conspiracy theory’ type of thing about the Earth’s shape only, but it is existent from the earliest moment of our existence when we separated ourselves from being a ‘one’ single being, ‘a wholeness’ and in such movement of ‘dividing’ ourselves, we forgot that who we are seeing as ‘other beings’ were in fact ourselves as well and from that moment of deception or making ourselves Believe that ‘what we see is separate from us,’ the rest of separation, lies, division, deception emerged up to where we are existing now as humanity in this world.

One of the paths that I have walked in the past years is that of trying to understand ‘everything’ from various perspectives and got myself into the rabbit hole of much of the information that runs around easily on YouTube and in general on the internet nowadays, which seems endless and a lot of it being really useless information that we cannot apply for ourselves in our lives for anything supportive or substantial like improving our personal lives or ways of being – here speaking about the usually dubbed ‘conspiracy theories.’ And unfortunately we are not taught common sense in schools to be able to discern what information is useful for our lives, that is worthwhile giving our attention to for the sake of bettering life in this world – but instead we are taught to discern through ‘logic’ and rest of thinking-processes that revolve around using only the mind and limited senses to then create conclusions about realities ‘out there’ that we cannot possibly go and measure for ourselves.

A point to question is how one bases such ‘trust’ on referencing others saying the same thing or looking at cited material coming from so-called ‘authorities’ and in all of that, it’s kind of laughable how we’ve come to create our own ‘trustworthy’ sources and types of information that are invariably coming from the same source: the human mind. And for anyone that is aware of what that implies, it does mean it comes from a limited source with limited awareness that is trying to understand the world ‘out there’ while not even being aware of our very basic self-functioning at a physical and mind level, let alone how we as beings interact with the whole of this reality.

What I am getting at here is that searching for ‘truths’ or information to apparently have more awareness in this world or that we are getting to know ‘facts’ that no one else has had access to before, or seeking to ‘no longer be deceived by elites or ‘world controllers’ etc. is in fact part of the distraction that exists in order to keep a lot of individuals that could be actually ‘breaking through’ their own mind and changing who they are in their personal lives with all of this amount of information that is designed to entertain and divert people’s attention from sorting out their very own lives.

Of course TV and general ‘news’ would not work to people that like to ‘question more’ so that’s how a mechanism had to be developed to entertain people discovering further apparent ‘truths’ that are practically useless for the most part, and so keep everyone believing they are getting ‘somewhere’ or ‘becoming more intelligent’ or ‘more aware’ just by reading about certain information. Really, it does take a willingness to let go of hope and illusions in order to really question what is it that we are investing our time and breath of life on. It takes self-honesty and that’s unfortunately a really difficult thing it seems for all of us to do, because it is about stopping following that which makes us feel ‘good’ or ‘more knowledgeable’ or ‘more in control’ even if it’s through information that we have no direct awareness of or way to reference it with our very limited senses anyways.

This is of course not done by ‘others’ so that we can ‘blame them’ for ‘enslaving us’ to this kind of information.  It is in fact self-created from our very conscious desire of getting to have access to something apparently ‘greater than us’ awaiting to be revealed, that there will be ‘life in other planets’ or that there are great amounts of money about to be delivered by the hands of a few elites to the whole world, or that there are people from the elites being captured and so the whole world is about to be freed!’ All of this kind of information is abundant in the internet and what I’ve realized is that it’s there for a purpose: to entertain and get people hooked on a belief that there is something ‘awaiting’ for us or that we have ‘been deceived’ by other beings that ‘want to control us’ and that there’s information being ‘suppressed’ that could in fact ‘change our lives’ and whatnot… ehm.. nope.

Isn’t it interesting that all of such so called ‘undisclosed information’ is precisely directed to people that could have directed their time, focus, attention and awareness to actually break through their own mind-control and instead, easily fall-allow (follow) information presented as ‘occult knowledge’ that somehow – apparently – will suddenly change the way that we live in this world, or that will open up possibilities for us to go and live somewhere else in the solar system and be happily forever after in abundance!…

Bottom line is that this question isn’t really about whether this information is true or not, but who we are within ourselves to be following all of that information in the ‘Hope’ of something better coming our way, something, somehow having this planet as an external heaven aside from earth that we can go to once that we’ve devastated, scavenged and trashed this Earth completely.

What does it say about ourselves when we are diligently living the word ‘dedication’ to focus on knowledge and information that is an attempt to ‘find a cure’, ‘find a habitable planet,’ ‘find a savior’ or ‘expecting great changes from the world system soon!’ and be left waiting for years and years while remaining completely inactive to even dare to actively work on dare even question one’s own very thinking processes that have led to the creation of the Problems in the first place, that we are trying to ‘sort out’ with all kinds of magical solutions and ‘occult knowledge’ that we believe has been ‘suppressed’ to ‘save humanity…’

The real question is who are we within our starting point of seeking all kinds of knowledge, cures, solutions ‘out there’ for the problems that we have created by our own thoughts, with our own hands and lives throughout generations? Who are we in perceiving that ‘we are being deceived’ because of not having the full disclosure of the shape of the Earth or ‘life in other planets’ I mean… how relevant is it, really, for who we are on a daily basis in our lives here on Earth?

 

The whole starting point of this ‘search’ and focus on this kind of information reveals ‘who we are’ in such dedication isn’t it? That I leave to each one to reveal to themselves –  however it does take a decision within oneself to stop indulging in all kinds of information from the starting point of finding ‘a solution’ out there, somewhere, separate from ourselves yet suddenly being ‘uncovered’ for us to just step into it and live happily ever after. Really?

I’ve been there and done that when it comes to diving into all kinds of information that I believed had some relevance to my life, only to now confirm that it doesn’t, you are only aware of many levels of deception and that’s it, lol, still it’s all a bunch of lies that becomes pointless to find ‘truths’ in, from my perspective. It can be never ending to get to ‘know it all’ when it comes to this kind of information out there and the reality is that it’s worked really, really well for the people that actually want to maintain a certain form of control over many individuals by grasping people’s attention with this kind of ‘hidden information’ and keeping everyone hoping for some saving-solution to just be delivered on Earth. Of course no responsibility whatsoever is existent in this equation

The reality is that whatever makes it ‘out there’ and becomes popular, what do you know? It’s not really threatening the system, it’s there for a reason and a lot of people fall for it believing they are getting ‘somewhere’ in completing the puzzle that has been deliberately created to scatter ‘bits of truth’ mixed with a whole lot of myths and voilà, there you have an endless pit of ‘truths’ for people to investigate and cross-reference with, again, a limited view, from a limited tool to understand reality, which is our mind as it currently exists in our physical bodies.

What I had to get honest with myself and realize in terms of being ‘hooked’ on all of this information is that I wasn’t really living ‘my life’ and focusing on myself, my own self-awareness of my own thoughts, feelings, emotions, my own self-creation, I was only focused on watching or rather spending time binging on videos non-stop believing I was getting some kind of ‘greater than life’ awareness on something that I thought at the time could lead somewhere, could be relevant in any way – only to then have to realize the obvious: I was using all of that information as a distraction from myself, a way to hide from focusing on who I was creating myself in my life, what I was in fact going to be doing, living, expanding on and developing for myself as a being, as well as continuing to investigate myself, my mind in order to change all of the things that I’ve known have been compromising myself, including this particular time, attention and breaths of life given to endless hours  of information that truly can be resumed in one sentence: there’s deception Everywhere! And the sources is… Ourselves.

So, the last point here is then, why are we then focusing on trying to find ‘truths’ out there believing that something or someone is ‘suppressing’ such information because it holds a ‘key’ to people’s liberation or betterment or ‘infinite happiness’ forevermore? It only indicates one thing about ourselves: we are very dedicated, very quick to be diligent in absorbing all kinds of information – including the Desteni material – but are we actually willing to apply it, test it out for ourselves, live it on a daily basis and see how it actually works for the intended purpose of actual living-change?

There’s one proof of where one can be in one’s process: if one is still very concerned with seeking ‘truths out there’ about alien life, ‘newly discovered planets’ or waiting for some so-called ‘elite families’ to suddenly release some gazillion dollars to each person in this world…. It only indicates the kind of person we are being within following the carrot on the stick and falling for it completely. It says a lot about ourselves when our starting point to get informed is in fact coming from wanting to ‘find a cure’, ‘be saved,’ be economically relieved in one go,’ or ‘seek punishment’ to those that we believe ‘are the problem’ in this world – like the elites, governments and whatnot. Come on, we really have to grow up from this conspiracy-theory phase and I include myself in this because I do check out information by some people that explain a lot of ‘unknown facts’ about the very ‘culture’ that we have been living in, that I grew up on and shaped a lot of my personality, which I’ve written a blog about in order to not get hooked on an ‘intellectual arrogance’ instead of investigating all things and keep what’s useful and best.

The outcome of that was being honest with me and realizing ‘how can I be so amazed by this information considering that I have been aware of self-deception since the beginning of existence, so how can I assume that there has been anything ‘genuine’ in this world to begin with!? Not a single thought is a ‘genuine’ expression of ourselves, yet we follow them, we believe them, we don’t even know how it manifests in our heads but we are so quick to believe it and trust it.

The same we do of course to anything out there that we’ve created as ‘an authority’ of sorts in our heads – and that’s what’s completely questionable about ourselves, where we go into blindly following and believing and making conclusions based on these limited resources obtained through a limited perception of another human being in their own minds, yet we make those truths as ‘completely real’ because ‘many people are saying the same, therefore it must be real, it must be true!’

I definitely suggest to question that conclusion, completely, and rather take of knowledge that which you can prove, live, test, try out, ‘repeat and rinse’ for yourself in your everyday living without any further tools other than yourself in your own body, your mind, your awareness and your daily responsibilities and self-creation process, that’s our truth, that’s what’s here for us to develop our own science of change and actually apply everything that we get to hear from any source, any person, any ‘media outlet’ or ‘authority’ that we have designated some sort of omni-power in our minds.

That’s how deception starts and ends within ourselves, because the moment that we make knowledge something applicable, it ceases to be only knowledge and information, it becomes a practical realization for our lives, our bodies, our doings in our everyday living. Ultimately it’s all about self-responsibility and we are the only ones that can define this for ourselves: do we invest our time, breath of life and awareness in investigating so-called ‘truths’ that are apparently a million light years away or do we first begin to understand the very basic ‘traits’ and personalities and reactions and emotions and habits and memories that we are existing as and keeping ourselves in fact separate from life because of not being willing to start focusing on investigating ourselves, our own minds, our own lives!?

I would finally suggest to anyone that can be investigating things ‘out there’ and diving into the rabbit hole of endless information, to ask yourself if you’ve invested the same amount of time, attention, focus and dedication to investigate yourself, your life, how your memories have an impact on you, what makes you react, why you react, to what do you react, what are you fearing to do in your life, what is stopping you from doing what is most supportive for your life? And the list could go on and on… all that is required is a will to focus ‘back to self’ instead of diverting our attention into gazillion of ‘truths’ out there, up to each one, I stand with the basics of course: self-honesty, self-awareness, self-responsibility and practical application of what I become aware of on a daily basis.

Ultimately always can ask yourself how this information can assist you in taking responsibility for yourself and your life, ask yourself if what you are getting to know about has any actual impact on you to become a person of integrity, to develop self-honesty and common sense?

‘The truth will set you free’ it is said, but no one indicated that this ‘truth’ wasn’t necessarily to be sought ‘out there,’ but instead getting to see and know the truth within ourselves, who we really are and what we can in fact do to change our lives to honor life and take responsibility of our thoughts, words and deeds as our creations in this world – it’s all here, as ourselves, we decide.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Suggested series to assist yourself in clarifying the starting point of a lot of ‘truth seeking’:

 

Loq ue soy es más allá del infinito

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE

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