Tag Archives: voices in the head

257. A Piece of Heaven at the Expense of Life

Why do people turn to drugs? There is a definitive reason that cause all the dimensions that play a role  in our current Drug Culture as either cause/effect,  but a common thing is definitely the root and cause of WHY people turn to drugs. We all know the usual things, for example: to escape from oneself, to hide, to run away from the mind, to stop the abhorrent self-experience, to avoid taking responsibility for one’s life and relationships, self-loathing, etc. – but, have we asked why do we have these problems? One can say: family problems, relationship problems, issues with one’s ‘flawed self,’ physical issues, lack of self esteem, heritage, cultural trends, traditions, religions, survivalism in clans/ mafias/ brotherhoods, spiritual beliefs, shamanism, environmental contingencies, availability of narcotics due to associations/ alliances, legal drugs due to psychological conditions, and the list may go on – However, behind all of this one must see one common thing: human conditions that have lead to all of these problems/ issues/ separations and sectarianism that stems from a basic problem in our society: a lack of support for all living beings to have a dignified living that creates a proper environmental condition where All beings would be able to live without having to worry about not making it through the next day, not having to tolerate the injustice and abuse that is accepted and allowed within a system that only caters for some– that’s it. 

 

And that’s what we know in common sense and what can also be watched in all the various documentaries* about drugs that are affecting our societies wherein there is simply an absolute boredom, menial jobs for the working class – or no job opportunities at all – and a general dissociation from wanting to have anything to do with a ‘shitty world/ shitty system that doesn’t give a fuck about life!’ hence turning to have an alternate reality where ‘everything is fine, a heaven in one’s mind for a moment, a harmful  momentary high that turns into a lethal habit that leads to a living condition that is mostly deplorable in most of the cases, as well as leading to any other ‘sudden deaths’ out of the usual ODs and other negligence  that stems from lacking any form of precaution when ingesting/ inhaling/injecting/smoking a drug. It is even common to have people that do this on a regular basis become ‘icons’ in our society, our ‘role models’ which can already point out what type of ‘human quality’ we’ve become fanatics of.

 

It is also interesting how drug-culture became mainstream to a point now wherein one can watch a “music video” and there’s people smoking weed, one can watch a movie and get all the specifics on how people shoot themselves heroin and even all the withdrawal processes in a explicit manner, like in Trainspotting which is probably one of the most popular and obliged reference about drugs for many people that even learned how to do drugs through watching the movie.  I will tell more about that in following posts.

 

The reason why this is an important topic is because drugs as any other form of escapism, represents the aspect we hold on to the most, as it is a self-created intricate relationship we form with only Experience as an Energetic physical experience induced by chemicals in the physical body – the reason why I find it so important to expose is because it’s ubiquitous nowadays for people to be aware of all types of drugs and ways to get high or even self-harm to get a moment of absolute adrenaline –rush/drug of the mind . That’s becoming a children’s game  and I’m referring to what I became aware of today as the salt and ice challenge – I mean, this is how kids age 10 or even less can get used to having a way to get this absolute pain and fear that are the most ‘powerful’ self-experiences created at a mind level when inducing pain along with the ‘challenge’ aspect – where kids will mostly broadcast themselves doing so to ‘prove’ to others they are able to ‘handle it,’ and what mostly happens is kids then will turn to seek for more ‘intense experiences’ like that. Even our words and vocabulary is pointing out blatantly what it is that we are inducing within ourselves: that was Intense! all energy based, and if you’ve been reading these series, you would be aware by now of how energy operates within the physical body through consciousness as a system that we believe is ‘who we really are,’ which is comprised of all our thoughts, emotions and feelings that we whole-heartedly have believed is ‘what living is for’ and if not.

 

This Grave mistake of identifying ourselves with all the drama, excitement and high-intensity of any self-experience is what is mostly leading us to an actual death wherein we disregard actual life/living just for a ‘little piece of heaven.’

And this is what’s leading humanity to a certain end if a single pattern of addiction continues without any definitive decision to STOP.

 

Please read the series to catch up to this point:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

 

I had made a pause in these series due to the impending ‘doomsday’ that I decided to write about due to my inherent responsibility in having participated pretty much in that type of doom-mentality or gloomy-self-experience as we’ve called it – and what is left is pretty much ourselves, having to face what we have become and as such, take the wheel of our reality in all levels, in all ways and have a look at how we’ve become what we’ve become, which is also another form of escapism through the mind to evade the responsibility we all have here.

 

Drug Culture is quite a common topic virtually everywhere in the world, no matter if it’s a high-energy-hyped society like many places in Europe and America or a third world/ poor country in Africa, or under developed regions like South America – everyone’s got the same ‘epidemic’ which is drugs which includes alcoholism as main problems that maim  the ability for any being to realize and take self responsibility, because drugs imply one single point: a giving up experience that is now turned into an addiction, a need, a fascination and obsession wherein people are literally willing to give all their money, all their life just for one single initial ‘rush’ that any drug can give them. While observing this, it is impossible to not create a parallel to what we understand now of how the mind works, wherein we create our own fixations in order to fuel and satisfy this idea of ourselves that we’ve simply copied, absorbed and ‘become/ embodied’ without a question, and that includes addictive patterns of seeking this ‘greatness’ as an energetic experience that is able to be obtained with drugs, pretty much flushing your entire life down the toilette for a single self belief of you being ‘perfectly fine/ in control / able to quit any time and all of the people that have been severely enrolled in hardcore addictions mostly find it very hard if not impossible to actually live out that belief of being able to stop and quit at any time.

 

That is One single dimension of the addiction: the energetic experience that we are familiar with the moment we accept emotions and feelings as ‘who we are’ and what drugs do is an overall enhancement of this relationship within the ‘who we are’ as the mind, which implies that we are completely hooked on absolute self abuse, since any energetic experience  – as anything that requires energy – is not ‘for free,’ it is an actual process of consumption of the very physical tissue/ fabric that provides the necessary resources for any drug to function properly – this is why the deterioration of the physical takes place in drug addicts/ consumers – among other various dimensions that involve the living conditions that hard-core long-time addicts end up living in or are born in, which is also another aspect that leads to drugs – all in all: stems from lacking actual living support in all ways to live in a sound and healthy environment where life could be actually honored = hence it is a matter of Collective Responsibility, since we are all responsible for continuing fueling a system that is not providing a sound environment for us to develop our expression to our utmost potential.

 

The purpose of these blogs will be to point out main factors that lead to drug consumption, the reasons behind that and how to support oneself to Prevent drug-addictions, referencing the usual ways in which one picks up this belief of drugs being the ‘greatest thing ever’ as well as gathering enough strength to realize there IS a solution to this world, there IS a way to support ourselves to stop seeking to ESCape from reality and instead, sober up and stand up to support the actual change we all dreamed of, it’s in our hands, so we must clean our act before we can establish ourselves in the actual world we have all wanted to live in, and within this, also paving the way for the children to come and ensure they do have the absolute opportunities  to Live and express themselves, and never again resort to any form of escapism through the mind to manifest a self-abusive ‘heaven’ in the mind.

 

Erroneously – those that Profess to be ‘Souls’, will Claim that the Body of Flesh is a temporary Illusion. And they would base it on the Experience they Generate through Mind Systems, which Follows the Design of the System where: the Search for Meaning and Reason, would Follow through the Combination of Predesigned Platonic Solids as Key Parts to Systems that produce Energy and Visual Input which the Person Align with, So Intensely that they Believe that it is Real, and they Disregard the Simple Reality of a Breath and Food and Bodily Functions that Keeps them Alive.
In this, these ‘Souls’ End-up Acting like Vampires in the Physical Reality, Seeking to Consume everything in their Path for the Self-Interest of the ‘Feeling’ that Produce, according to them, the ‘Experience of Happiness’. The fact that this ‘Happiness’ is Produced at the Cost of the Suffering of Uncountable Living Beings – Simply is Ignored or Seen as ‘Collateral Damage’ of an Illusion that will ‘Suddenly, Magically’ Disappear.”  – Bernard Poolman +

 

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Documentaries/ Videos suggested that present the context of what Drug Culture implies– Viewers discretion suggested: NSFW

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225. Is Living Life about Getting High?

 

“So, if you Experience God – you can just as well go and take a Drug and you will have the Same Experience.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

How many times have we equated Life to Experience? Only all the time. It should be a frightening thought to realize that we’ve never lived and that everything that we had deemed as our ‘peak experiences’ have only been energetic – read Limited – experiences that define the totality of who we are for a few seconds, minutes, hours through perpetuating our day to day living as a life-long dedication to keep seeking the same ‘feeling’ which means being addicted our whole lives seeking that ‘something’ that we can call our ‘little peace of heaven’ – in our culture – read ‘collective indoctrination/ brainwashing – we have equated living life to getting the most experiences that we have deemed as positive such as happiness, love, peace, joy and money, which enables all of these experiences as the ability to buy them.

 

Elitist Character: Drug Culture – Introduction 

 

What I’ve realized throughout this process of self support through writing and understanding our human mind is that, no matter if you take what’s regularly known as ‘drugs’ or not: we are all addicts to Energy.

But what happens when you got the basics to live/ you got what you essentially NEED to have a proper life and you got some money to spare? Well, you certainly look for more and more ways to ‘fill in the void’ that is experienced every day, isn’t it? It’s as if the air we breathe, the body that keeps us living here is just ‘not enough’ and there’s this something that keeps tormenting us… is it really ‘the world’? is it really ‘’life’ that’s playing tricks on us? Not at all. It is the same with our current world system: Is the world/ life the problem in this world? Is it Us not being ‘good enough’? No, it is the money system that is the problem, and it’s not even ‘money’ in itself but the ways in which it has been set to work, this means: the Human Mind that has created the rules for it is the problem. Same goes for our lives – our body is perfectly functional by itself, it is only when we start THINKING instead of Living that all goes down the toilet down the pipelines of ‘shitty experiences’ such as emotions and temporary ‘positive thinking– fixes’ such as all of the above mentioned temporary ‘fillers’ to a life that I know, most are simply not ‘happy’ about, not that I would want to change your perspective on that either, however, we dug our own grave and we’re the only ones that can ensure we don’t actually remain there.

 

What  happens when you live in a society wherein the minutest displeasing experience such as sadness, depression, anxiety – which is Utterly misunderstood in this reality –  please listen to Mykey’s explanation on Anxiety – dread, fear or any regular lack of attention at work/school or just lack of  self motivation =  you can be sold a drug and ‘solve the problem’ apparently. Now, I would mostly discourage anyone from taking any form of drug, but I’m not here to put you out of your meds either. Just read and follow through the common sense and ‘hopefully’ you make a decision that is best for all, best for your pocket and gain some self respect with a sense of self responsibility.

 

Understand the following point: We live in a world wherein marketing is used to sell ‘ice to a Eskimo’ as it’s been said, however what happens when the ice is changed to drugs and the Eskimo is any regular person that may experience any ups-downs as a result of participating in the mind of thoughts, emotions and feelings?  Well, you got it. The person will buy drugs in order to solve what they believe is some from of ‘chemical imbalance’ – which is the usual drill propagated by well-paid psychiatrists to say the same over and over again and ending up hooking you up with Paxil, Xanax, Zoloft, Prozac or valium – among many others – oh and don’t forget your Tafil to sleep well.  The moment we Believe that there is an actual problem that can be cured with medicines, we are not only abdicating our responsibility to our mind and what we in fact created and participated in to create ‘our experience,’ but we’re also then choosing to begin supporting  an entire industry that is certainly willing to promote this type of symptoms to a position of ‘absolute illness,’ placing you in a ‘powerless’ position to do anything about it But taking this or that drug to solve it.

 

It is not a mystery that the majority of the population that have sufficient money to eat and live in a dignified manner, spends money on drugs to ‘feel better’ or regulate some form of ‘mental instability’ that has been entirely Self Created. But what is that ‘feel better’ been equated to? – Yes, the entire ‘Happiness’ Propaganda that’s part of this capitalist system – catch the drift? Is Happiness then an actual disease that should be promoted as the actual delirium that is causing people to believe there is something ‘wrong’ with them for not being ‘satisfied’ with their lives – yes, same as love.

 

 

We’re all fed up with buying, consuming, popping pills, rolling joints, seeking the next great thrill.

 

Have we stopped for a moment and look at all the people, beings, parts of our reality we’ve abused in order to satisfy our Wants, Needs and Desires? And that includes not only our external reality, but our own physical body, using and abusing its components as catalyzers to create energetic deliriums when being stimulated with external substances that are meant to fuel the mind only, they are Not in any way an actual indication of us Living Life. And looking outside of ourselves, you can look at all the violence and drug-trafficking problems that are related to drugs, which should Not exclude Alcohol of course. I mean the array of drug addictions can be extensive if we expand our level of awareness of that which alters our experience in the body and creating a form of addiction to it. There are gigantic industries being moved by this desire to ‘live life in peace’ through taking drugs – and for that I suggest you inform yourself with the documentaries:

 

Now, how come this form of  self abuse and self destruction became popular? It’s not about characters, people’s context or troubled lives – no, this is all about a ‘greater scheme’ that has always been invisible to us until today.  The more I understand how reality functions, the more I clarify and get proper in detail explanations about how our every single cell in the body functions, every atom, every thought, our entire mind, the different aspects each layer of the mind correspond to in our personal experience as the mind, understanding and getting to hear from animals themselves the actual IntelliSense they live as physical beings and how I can only laugh at our attempt as humanity to evolve, placing ourselves above a single blade of grass. I see that the first time I heard from Bernard that ‘a single blade of grass is more aware than the entire humanity as a whole’ I realized that we were truly blind.

 

 

Why is there all this emphasis on Needs, Wants and Desires everywhere in our reality? They are the key to keep us preoccupied in our minds, always in the NOW as Consciousness, as time bound to a past, future and a presence that is only here as a mind trying to ‘silence itself’ and ‘think positive,’ while the very desires of the so-called ‘rehabilitated presence’ have caused the most outrageous abuse on Earth, on each other – this is our responsibility, this is what we’ve all done to one another, this is the result of following our addictions – whatever they might be. As long as you’ve experienced a want, need and desire we can know one thing: we are not HERE breathing, we are only  keeping ourselves chained to the next fix like addicts we’ve become.

Is this life? No

Is this what our entire ‘effort’ is worthy of? No

Are we willing to face the truth of ourselves? Yes, as there is no other way to create solutions if the actual way of how the problems were created is not understood in the first place. For now I suggest investigating that which one can see is ‘living for’ on a day to day basis: are you here living as You for you to actually dedicate your life to become a human being that is worthy of living life through Becoming the living word as Life? or are you only here just ‘passing by’ and expecting to catch some ‘good ride’ so you can die with a full tummy and a mind gnawed with tons of ‘good times,’ even if your liver is destroyed by alcohol or your veins are rot with chemicals you pumped with pills on a daily basis –

 

Think about it: is popping a pill, rolling a joint, shooting up some coke, taking acids, or buying your regular drugs over the counter an actual Meaning of what it is to BE Alive and WELL? Why would anyone Require a Substance to LIVE other than the nutriments that are here as our food, the oxygen that we breathe, the water that we drink and the physical participation that proves that we are HERE. That is what the basics of living is about, now, our world is being run as a happiness machine that sells drugs – in legal and illegal ways – to keep humans busy with the delirium of ‘Happiness’ and that we have to be ‘happy’ all the fucking time. Is this real? No! It is just like selling ice to a Eskimo – it is selling you a well being that is Not an energetic experience but an actual equal and one self-realization of who you are As your physical body that Does Not require a stimulant/ drug to ‘be well.’

 

Drugs only work at a mind level – if the mind is a system that only works on energy resourced from your physical body/ substance/ life – then what does that indicate? Isn’t seeking happiness and joy and bliss then them same as saying ‘I require to get high to live’? – How could Anyone Claim to ‘Love Life’ if Life is being equated to love, happiness, joy, bliss or any other temporary mind-fix of energetic churning inside your body generated by a systematic set of rules in your mind that you’ve acquired from the media that you’re fed with from the moment you learn to sit up straight and get a TV in front of you.

Our great demise as humanity is living as Mind Systems instead of Physical beings of flesh and bones that care for each other as a one and equal organism. We’re living in the consequential outflow of an entire existential process of having existed as Energy-based beings instead of standing equal and one to life as who we really are.  This all may sound weird to you at first, but when you understand the following equation as our absolute mistake and misconception of equating life = experiencing positive/ negative energetic experiences, only looking after our Own Mind and our Own Benefit, disregarding the fact that such experience is only a mind-generated energetic fix and that in No Way contributes to an actual understanding of life-living, you can clearly see that we’ve fallen in the greatest trap of it all: equating life to energy, getting virtually addicted to energetic ‘positive experiences’ while the world falls apart where we simply continue shooting up the next happy pill, roll the next joint, pop in the next Prozac and pretend that everything is just fine.

 

There can be no more self interest lasting for long on Earth, we’ll have to work together anyways. I will continue to give a more personal experience on this process along with the tools of SELF Support to walk out of your beliefs of having to be ‘happy’ or else, you are Ill and Mentally Instable or having some form of ‘chemical imbalance of the neurotransmitters in the brain’  which is each psychiatrist’s punch line when you know next thing you’ll be handed a list of new ‘friends’ – read drugs – that will ‘help you out to cope with reality’ – never even bothering to warn you about it all being just another list of drugs that are sold in the street with non-marketing names. That’s what ‘finding god’ has been reduced to, there you go.

You decide whether you want to Live or Die.

I decided and also say the end of film cliché: Choose Life

 

— more to follow tomorrow

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195. The Righteousness of Evil

 

“And I questioned myself many times why it was like me wanting to simply ‘let go’ of such nagging experience, without realizing that it won’t just be ‘gone’ by me kind of only ‘thinking’ about it and coming to realizations like ‘oh yes, it’s the evil in me’ and turn around and keep going with my ‘life.’ Of course it cannot work like that, that’s precisely how we have lived as humanity, just wanting to brush-off, neglect and hide the actuality of our inner experience.”

 

Continuation to 194. Let the Mask Fall!

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to every time that I would get into an experience of discomfort and general uneasiness within myself to not further investigate within me what was it that I was experiencing, but only brush it aside, believe it would ‘go away’ with time, thinking that I simply had to just breathe through it and not look as myself, my own creation, my own reflection– which is another way of simply trying to cover up my actual experience by creating another ‘state of being,’ which would compensate the inherent inner experience of there being something ‘nagging’ within me that I apparently could not ‘define,’ with a positive experience as righteousness.

I realize that I did this without realizing that it was in fact the beingness of myself that was not being looked at in fact as the actual thoughts, backchat and internal conversations that I would righteously believe were ‘right’ and a proper ‘assessment’ of reality, never ever considering how everything that I was thinking and creating an experience about, was never about the environment but it was always about myself only.

 

When and as I see myself going into this ‘nagging/ discomfort’ within myself in my every day living – no matter where or with whom – I stop and I breathe – I realize that there is Something going on that Must Not be just ignored, as it is actually an indication that I’ve been thinking about something and not wanting to look at it, as that would mean actually facing the reality of myself as the thoughts, ideas, projections that I usually participate in, but that I had righteously believed is ‘proper’ and ‘acceptable’ for me to just ‘let be’ and continue going. I realize that All thoughts, All backchat, All experience that I might initially see as ‘indefinable’ actually has a beginning/ a starting point Within/ As Me that I must work with within myself to actually face the reality that I’ve become, instead of wanting to brush it off/ leave it for later and believe it is Not-important, while it is in fact in those seemingly ‘unimportant moments’ that the key to get to know the exact detail of myself really resides in.

 

I commit myself to stop brushing aside, leaving for later the immediate self-investigation through writing, self forgiveness, self corrective application about an inner experience that I have generally defined as ‘nagging/ bothering’ which has remained undefined due to me not having deliberately worked with such experiences as an active part of my process out of Fearing seeing the reality of myself, but only believe that it will go away eventually by simply ‘not participating’ – I realize that One cannot just ‘not participate’ in it and believe it will go away, but see that if it is Here and coming up within me as an energetic experience – no matter how slight it may be – it is still indicating a point that I have to look at.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately diminish the actual inner experience that I termed as just ‘undefined/ bothering/ nagging’ experience as this ‘something’ that would eventually go a way and within this diminishment, creating further separation to see myself As that experience, because of the fear of looking at myself As such thoughts, experiences and assessments, without realizing how it is time to start digging into the ‘hidden corridors and dark places’ as I was suggested to do years ago in order to no longer be bound to a barrier that I’ve created toward what I see within myself and what I see ‘toward others’ as separate from me. Thus it is to realize that everything that I have held as a limitation toward Life in Equality as Evil, as the reverse of life – which includes morals, beliefs, ideas, preferences, judgments, backchat toward ‘others’ and reality as a whole – is what I have to take back to self, in order to stop projecting a point of separation through an assessment in my mind instead of taking responsibility for myself As it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an identity of ‘righteousness’ within my mind assessments wherein within allowing such experiences, backchat and ‘views’ upon reality became a way to also ‘slip in’ points of personality and the self religion that are the threads that are still binding me to that single aspect of myself that is not yet standing as an equal and one part that I have walked through a process of self forgiveness and self corrective application – thus in essence, still keeping some ‘Evil’ as the reverse of life for the benefit of who I am as the mind, leaving it ‘untouched’ as if it had to be ‘there’ for the benefit of my own self-believed righteousness that cannot obviously make sense other than keeping me bound to a limited existence as the mind only and not being willing to stand in the face of the ‘opposite’ as myself as well.

 

When and as I see myself becoming righteous about what I am thinking and experiencing and believing that I can just ‘let it be’ for the moment and only later on end up forgetting it, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the specificity with which I have to become aware of myself is now requiring me to not just ‘leave things for later/ aside’ whenever the least energetic experience is Here as an indication that there is a point to work with, which will be mostly regarding something that is still an aspect I have not dared to look within myself, because of having lived a life of constantly projecting/ assessing/ analyzing others without seeing how it all was in fact about myself.

 

I realize the nagging experience has been going through quick processes of assessing the moment as people, places, events, situation wherein I quickly ‘make up my mind’ about who I am within such experiences/ moments and within that, not allowing me to see that everything that I have in fact assessed is only revealing me to myself, as it cannot be ‘how things are’ when getting an experience out of it – thus it is to not look at it as separate from me, as this is the grave mistake that I’ve made and lived as the evil wherein I had washed my hands from ‘assessing’ reality, while neglecting the fact that I have to work with the point myself in order to then be aware of ‘who I am’ as such point, walk the correction and as such, be able to support myself and others equally not from the vantage point of simply judging, but identifying who am I within this assessment, what is my experience, walk the correction so that I can stand clear and self directive instead of reacting to my own suppressed patterns and projecting it onto others/ reality.

 

I realize that the most effective way to walk this process is always taking the points back to self in order to see if there is any experience coming up and within this, being willing to face Within Me that which I thought, believed or consider ‘does not exist in me,’ which is a defense mechanism of the mind in order to remain in a righteous position about myself in reality, which can only exist as ego.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in this prefabricated/ default position of being ‘good/ right’ and always having the ‘right assessment’ over myself and reality wherein anything/ anyone that may contradict so would be assessed as them speaking of their own weakness, without realizing that such weakness and assessment to ‘win over’ the situation is in fact the aspects that stand as the evil that do not allow ourselves to get to an equal agreement of how to proceed/ work as equals in order to coexist within principles that are best for all, instead of creating further conflict and hidden judgment and accumulation of experiences Toward other beings, simply because of not allowing ourselves to let go of the righteousness that is indicating the ego of the mind of ‘always being right’ as opposed to walking in humbleness which means being willing to face ourselves as the actual evil-assessment/ backchat/ thoughts toward an event, person/ situation to in fact see what it is that we are still playing out as a character that always wants to win/ be right / get the most out of a situation, which is always the aspect that leads to an unequal result.

 

When and as I see myself being righteous about a position without taking the necessary moment to bring the point back to myself, place myself in the shoes of the person/ situation, realize who I am within it and how I can direct it to an equal and one outcome that will always result in what’s best for all.

 

I commit myself to realize that whenever I am making an assessment of my reality is an actual mirror of myself and what I am existing as, and as such, if this assessment contains an energetic experience/ possession about something or someone, it is indicating that I am not yet standing clear as one and equal to the point, but that I require to first look at myself as such assessment, walk the necessary self forgiveness in order to realize that the experience is not about the being/ situation/ event in itself, but it’s actually myself and an indication that I require to take responsibility for my reaction/ experience before allowing myself to make a decision on how to direct myself. Within this is to ensure that I take the necessary moment/ time for this, instead of wanting to immediately come up with a solution that is also part of the ego-rushing desire to do things right away/ immediately which leads to further time loops is there is not an ability yet to see directly in an equal and one consideration of the situation/ people/ event.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a constant denial of these ‘assessments’ made toward other beings being in fact only about myself and within this, believing that I had nothing to ‘do about it’ because it was apparently ‘not me’ – however, it is actually an indication of the self-righteousness that exist toward our identification with our thoughts/ experiences having a ‘right to exist’ instead of realizing that as long as I am taking a position that is only benefitting my own deliberate neglect to who I am as my mind, I am in fact not standing equal and one to my reality/ environment and require to take the point back to self, to ensure that I am actually seeing Myself first, correcting me first instead of immediately projecting it onto others to not do the process of self-correction myself, which is rather foolish when looking at it as is.

 

When and as I see myself denying seeing myself within every single thought and experience that I have projected onto others – I stop and I breathe – I realize that who I have become is nothing else but the accumulation of these thoughts and experiences that I have projected onto others in means of defending myself as my own mind from realizing that I am in fact all of which I think about ‘others’/ an external point and reality. Thus

 

I commit myself to see how as long as there are points that I am not immediately taking back to self to walk the process of self correction, the nagging experience will continue as it is the accumulation of me having brushed aside/ left for later/ deliberately neglected moments where the actual key to realizing who I am as the person/ environment/ situation exists as myself – this is within the understanding that as long as I hold a right/ wrong and good/bad position toward another, I am still reflecting the limited version of myself that is not yet fully standing equal and one as everything and everyone, no matter how ‘harsh’ or how ‘bad’ or how ‘evil’ it may seem, as it is precisely the harsh, evil, bad, negative, pessimistic aspect that I have projected and dissociated from myself in my mind so as to not have to take responsibility for it – thus I commit myself to take responsibility for every single thought, belief, idea of myself as being ‘right’ and ‘the good person’ at all times with the ‘right judgment’ which leads to a ego position that is not willing to look at ‘the bad/ negative/ pessimistic’ that I must ensure I walk as myself in order to not allow such judgments to stand in the way of becoming a point that is able to stand one and equal to all parts of reality without separation – and this is what it is to be facing the ‘Evil’ as ourselves, as I finally understand that as long as we keep the least idea, belief or perception of something/ someone being a single definition that stands in separation of ourselves as equals, I am part of the separation that maintains this entire world system as is.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the righteousness that I’ve held has been in fact the evil aspect that has refrained me from standing one and equal as everything/ all here, because as long as I hold a value, judgment, belief and thought projected onto others believing that it is not about myself, the righteousness is preventing my own self-understanding/ seeing as one and equal – which indicates the reverse of Live as Evil that must be scrutinized as our own mind which actually allows me to see every moment what is it that I am separating myself from, as these are all indicated through the thoughts, experiences and reactions I hold toward others/ reality which is myself.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I am not responsible for the thoughts that I have because of them being an ‘assessment’ upon others/ reality, I stop and I breathe  I realize that self responsibility for everything we do, say, speak must be absolute so that I can in fact stand as an equal and one part of myself – because as long as a single value, judgment, belief, thought, experience is created upon reality, it indicates that personality/  ego is still being the directive force and not self as the unconditional stance of the physicality that I  am.

 

I commit myself to take the necessary breaths and moment to ensure that whatever I voice/ think and do is standing as an expression of myself that I can stand as for eternity – and that my single belief of this being ‘too far fetched’ to say ‘eternity’ is actually a point of ego that I must also walk through in order to stand as the full authority that I’ve abdicated as part of the evil/ reverse of living that I have believed myself to be wherein I have been limiting my own Write-ousness to right myself as that which I am willing to be/ stand as life/what is here as myself, without the ‘nagging’ limitation of me being only ‘in a process’ and placing the point of self realization as some ‘future outcome’ instead of seeing it as myself, here, as  I breathe, one and equal. 

 

 

Now, this is  a general Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Application with regards to who I have been as a particular character that would stand as righteous within the ‘good/ positive’ aspect, taking a vantage position within that in order to not have to face every single judgment I made upon others as myself. Thus, the next step and process is to the denial of the evil within my reality and how I would only ‘cope with it’ existing in actual fear to realize that exists as myself as well, also who I am toward the relationships that I formed as a point of attraction due to the separation that I was existing as toward my own ‘evil side’ myself, and as such creating an energetic relationship to it through people/ things/ habits/ places, etc.  in order for me to not have to face it as myself, but always remain on the ‘safe side’ of the observer that is mostly an egotistical position toward our reality, as we cannot claim we are not part of something that is already here as ourselves.

 

Thus, I’ll continue deconstructing the righteousness/ goodness personality in relation to the ‘evil’ projected onto others/ the world instead of seeing it directly first as myself and walking the self correction within it to finally stand as one and equal to all parts and all aspects of myself.

Desteni

Desteni Lite Process

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

Desteni Forum 

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171. Self-Talk to be Lazy

How many times have talked to ourselves in a very nice and enticing way to do something instead of another? How have we accepted and allowed ourselves to make it ‘okay’ to talk to ourselves in the first place – and this is where the realization that the voices in our head/ how we talk ourselves into a point is something that MUST be walked within our process of getting to know who we are as the mind. Why? Because a single thought is the activation of an integration that we had throughout our lives as a particular way we have assessed reality according to the mind instead of assessing reality in physical terms.

Continuing with the Procrastination character.

Within having this writing/document to be written,  a physical way of approaching this in the most simple and suitable manner is: I have to do this writing, I simply take my computer, do the necessary readings/ research in it and write the document out. However, what have I accepted and allowed within me to accumulate layer after layer of procrastination to not just do it? Several enticing words, sentences or entire inner-conversations/ backchat in order to look at this physical task in a way that is MORE than myself in the moment – things like

    • I require more time to do this, not now
    • I rather get to this later on in the day, when there is no noise around me
    • I would like to get it done, but first I go out for a walk
    • I would want to get that book First before I even intend writing
    • It’s going to take me too long today, rather do it tomorrow /DIT syndrome

 

Now these are only a few examples here, within investigating throughout the various dimensions within this character, I’ve seen how there are many points that factor into this particular point of not doing it which is related to confronting the written document with others, having to re-write it several times, wanting to place it ALL within one single document, my backchat about the career itself, etc. So, the points above are only a fraction and more like an immediate example of the points that indicate a direct postponement of the writing itself; however I have seen myself always going into the imagination and future projection aspects that lead to pushing the point even further into the future in order to ‘instead do this’ / do that – which is an aspect I had discussed as well, how I tend to make it as if I am being a ‘better person’ because of taking other tasks to complete or because I am rather taking responsibility for OTHER points instead of the main one that is here to be done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk to myself within my mind in order to place a ‘better thing to do’ instead of actually giving direction to my task at hand, which is how I have disregarded the physical reality and responsibility in order to place a more ‘suitable’ point in front of me in my mind that I then direct myself to do, as an ‘acceptable way’ of postponing/ leaving for later the task that I was about to do, which indicates how I have been listening to/ following the voices in my head in order to Not immediately do things, but instead allow myself to go into self-interest mode, search for something that I would ‘rather do’ and within this, create a seemingly ‘fine’ moment in my day because ‘I am doing something’ and ‘I am taking care of other responsibilities’ but the one that I was in the moment ‘going to do’ but literally talked myself out of it.

When and as I see myself talking myself out of doing a task, I stop and I breathe. I realize that talking myself to not do things is the same as thinking positive in hopes of something ‘great’ happening and me not having to do it at all, which is similar to praying and hoping something else will come along so that I don’t have to do this, which is self-talk in self-interest to only do what ‘I like doing’ and leave aside all that which I don’t really ‘wanna do’ but Have to do anyways – thus

I commit myself to stop the chatter and seemingly enticing ‘other things to do’ that I create as thoughts in my head to not do things, and instead of following my self interest, I direct myself to work on what is required to be done, ensuring that I am directing myself according to what I realize I won’t probably ever WANT o Desire to do to, but simply must be done as part of my responsibility.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself with internal conversations/ backchat in my mind in order to not have to do things,, which is no different to hearing a god/ hearing voices in my head which is considered a delusional aspect of humanity which has definitely become the same point we have all been responsible for when it comes to delegating the things that must be walked/ corrected/ self directed within physical reality and leaving them for some ‘external force/ source/ god’ to do it for us, which is delusional – yet I realize that I am doing exactly the same thing whenever I am expecting me to ‘eventually do it’ without any immediate self-direction at the physical level to In fact do it.

When and as I see myself chatting myself up for doing something else/ waiting for the ‘right moment’ to do this, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can make a thousand excuses in order to Not do it,  within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to see how I even go to the extent of creating my own justifications as to why ‘what I decide to do instead of the task at hand is much better to do it now than later’ – in this implying that I make myself remain in ‘good standing’  at all times within my mind wherein the point of procrastination is then left as a ‘future point’ that I simply apparently make the ‘informed decision to leave for later’ which is an evolved character point of thinking that because I am deciding to do something else instead of the task at hand, I remain ‘in control’ of the situation, which is not so at all, since we realize in common sense that the actual Self-directive decision implies simply doing it, instead of finding necessary knowledge and information to formulate an excuse as to why I am not doing it.

 

When and as I see myself thinking that I am still ‘in control of myself’ due to me making the decision to not do it at the moment – I stop and I breathe, I realize that this false sense of stability upon ‘deciding to not do it’ is in fact the result of extensive self-brainwashing/ backchatting myself into thinking why it is pertinent to ‘do it later, not now,’ which exists as further thoughts in my head that I have given attention to in order to see them as ‘plausible’ for me to use as a way to get myself out of the task at hand while remaining in ‘good standing’ within my mind – not realizing that all of this takes place ONLY in my mind and that it is in fact even complicated having to make up all of these nonsensical excuses and justifications to not do it, while all that is required is simply doing it.

 

I commit myself to realize that backchatting/ brainwashing myself to not do things and believing that it is an ‘informed decision I’m making’ is obviously pointing out a great point of deception that must be stopped, as common sense as the physical doing and taking responsibility for the points to do is non-existent within all the series of excuses/justifications to not do things.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat words and sentences that are not even long enough to try and ‘convince me’ of doing something else, but it is rather an already made decision to simply not do it, which indicates how laziness as a deliberate point of not doing it is allowing ourselves to simply follow our ‘greatest excitement’ as that ‘something’ that we’d rather do instead of committing ourselves to get a task/ project done.

Within this I realize that what must be integrated within me is the realization of who and what I am doing this for? And this is where the point of separation emerges: am I doing this for my parents? am I doing this for others to see that I have a career? am I doing this for ‘art’s sake’ ? Am I doing this to finally ‘get myself out the loop’? Am I doing this to get a piece of paper only? And how I have judged all of these points which have become then the actual obstacle to do it, as the starting point is not yet here aligned with and as myself as a decision I made, but something that I am still seeing as a MUST DO without aligning myself to it as a point of responsibility, but sill as some gnawing thing that I have to ‘get myself into’ for a reason in separation of myself.

This clarifies another aspect that I wasn’t clearly seeing yet if it wasn’t for writing this out and placing in front of me how it is that backchat is really foolish and how there is something ‘deeper’ than just single sentences of ‘not wanting to do it,’ but the reasons WHY I am not doing it is what must be faced.

When and as I see myself wanting to ‘do something’ that I see as a burden to do, I stop and I breathe – I investigate How I have separated myself from this single task and how it is that I have not become the starting point of such task/ job/ work/ writing to do but instead deviated it into doing it for someone else/ for some other cause in separation of me, myself directing myself to respond to the actions I have committed myself to complete, which also implies realizing it is within these points that I actually push-through  – and not necessarily ‘like them’ at the beginning – that I can support myself the most with, as it is breaking through my own views, perspectives and preferences toward parts of my reality that I had held a judgment toward, otherwise how else would I be resisting/ avoiding doing something if it wasn’t because I am holding a judgment toward it that becomes a seemingly ‘great obstacle’ within it all.

It is all self-talk that must be directed and disclosed in order for me to ensure I stop making things ‘more’ than what they are in my head through a mind-assessment of physical reality, instead of remaining here as breath and simply directing myself to do this at the physical level it requires so.

to be continued.

 

“I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to use the resistance as an excuse, reason or justification to give into energy and give up on me, as I see, realise and understand that it’s again another form of mind-manipulation to sabotage/compromise my responsibility to me and my living/application in reality.” – Sunette Spies*

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I am the only one that can stop my own mind control 

Blogs:

Out of the Interdimensional Portal’s Oven!

  • Quantum Mind Self-Awareness – STEP 14

  • The Consciousness of the Fly – Part 1 : this is a series that will blow your mind to what extent we get mesmerized by our backchat, internal conversations to judge an apparent/ seemingly ‘great civilization’ while we’re not even aware of how other organisms interact with the earth, how we came to be a physical design that exists as the merging of energy and substance and why we have come to destroy our creation instead of having used for further self-support, expansion and LIVING.  A must hear overall.


80. Seeking for a Meaningful Li(e)fe

“This is even better!” Is a constant way to talk ourselves into thinking that whatever we had perceived as a failure/ fall is now ‘overcome’ and the ‘new me’ is even better, so as to always remain like the ‘winner in the story’ wherein the character that suffered some great fall/ disillusionment finds something ‘greater’ than before, something that is ‘the real shit,’ the ‘real deal’ and absolutely ‘truthful to oneself.’ Can you recognize the gibberish? Yes, it is sponsored by the most common spiritual positive type of self-talk to always remain like a ‘winner’ in your mind, no matter what.

 

This is a continuation of:

Pattern:

  1. “I did not get what I wanted; I seek for something else to ‘truly’ fulfill me”
  2. Wanting to escape from the ‘capitalist world’ and rebel by boing to an ‘unexpected extreme’

 

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Anything taken Personally is Just a Defense Mechanism to Protect a Character from being Diminished in its Role of Competing for Validation, and Influence and Happiness in the World of Illusion as Character to keep the Illusion going, because in the Illusion the Character makes all the Rules and is a Law unto itself, Regardless of what Harm it Bring to the Natural Living World” – Bernard Poolman*

 

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever I do not get what I want, I drop it, diss it and ‘move on’ by spitefulness to seek something – once again – that will ‘fulfill me’ in a more ‘truthful manner,’ which is what is usually linked to escaping the world of money that I had accepted and allowed myself to judge extensively.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throw psychological tantrums wherein through allowing myself to remain in a particular ‘emotional mode,’ I make decisions based on that emotional-spitefulness, without considering at all what is it that I initially reacted to and how I was absolutely self-responsible for that which I deemed was ‘done onto me,’ which I allowed myself to use to become ‘the victim,’ instead of taking responsibility for all the stages of the event/ moment/ situations that took place before I go into an emotional-breakdown wherein I ‘revamp’ myself by doing something ‘radical’ for a change.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be against something/ someone that I had initially sought to attain and that, because I didn’t get my satisfaction from it, I then turn against it, diss it/ criticize it and judge everyone involved wherein I turn into a spiteful person that ‘does not want anything to do with that/ them’ in an emotional state, without being able to consider a solution simply because of allowing me to be self-righteous about my emotional experience, believing that ‘I had the right to be pissed off/ sad/ disillusioned.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and I would go into disillusionment, an ‘emotional breakdown’ and seeing my entire ‘world’ falling apart, I would do the next most radical thing that I could pursue in my own value and moral schemes, wherein I would then take me to the opposite extreme just to spite the previous situation, to not have to face my responsibility toward everything that I judged, but instead, become self-righteous about it and believe that ‘it is my right to do whatever I want and say whatever I want to say, I don’t give a fuck about anything’

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to make decisions in my life while being possessed by anger and spitefulness, believing myself to be ‘right’ about being angry and this being backed up by friends that would agree with me, just because of how I would tell the story which was obviously to my benefit, to make me look like ‘the victim’ so that I could get their commiseration and have them backing up my ‘new plans’ for life.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create ‘friendships’ based on how much they could agree with the character I was aiming at being/ becoming.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately become spiteful toward the people involved in an event that I projected blame toward, without ever realizing how I had accepted and allowed myself to just ‘trust’ without any form of actual communication and understanding of what I was in fact participating in and cooperating with.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use people to validate my perspectives, points of view upon the entire event so that I could feel like I was ‘cheated’ and remain as a ‘victim’ that had all the right to simply cut all ties with them and ‘do things my way,’ which is a recurrent pattern whenever I experience myself as ‘the victim’ in the world, gathering enough ‘votes to my favor’ so that I could feel good in my misery.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use ‘disillusionment’ from ‘the artworld’ as an excuse for me to seek new ways to create wherein I use people to validate my ‘new aims’ based on wanting to create a more ‘meaningful’ art that would not be sold in art galleries.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start a project based on spitefulness, a desire for revenge and an apparent ‘healing process’ to what I perceived was ‘done onto me,’ which was nothing else but 100% pure drama that I created in order to validate my own way out of having to face my responsibility, not realizing that any anger that I allowed myself to exist as was in fact anger toward myself for not getting my dream and instead facing reality, which was then me thinking that ‘I had made the wrong choice,’ which all boils down to me realizing that I simply was not alright toward myself at all and that my discomfort, anger and frustration was not even about the entire art event, but a general dissatisfaction with myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek to now turn into spirituality even further as a way to finally declare my dissociation from ‘mainstream arts,’ and seeking to ‘find the truth’ in that which I had been reading/ investigating which was in the vein of entheogens and spiritual awakenings through the use of acid.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to turn further into spirituality as a way to escape what I judged as the evil capitalist world that would ‘suck artists dry of their pure inspiration,’ which was nothing but blatant self manipulation to get things my way and remain as a ‘winner’ in my world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how I used spirituality as way to spite the world as in spite-you-all that is also existent in the word spiritual. I realize that my search for ‘god’ or a transcendental experience was based on knowledge and information that I sought to ‘make real’ in my world through following a ‘divine path’ that I was creating for myself, wherein all signs and symbols and events that I started connecting would ‘match’ a pattern of me having to apparently become this enlightened being that could create a new form of art that could heal the masses.

 

This was the moment in my life when I was rapidly hitting rock bottom – this was December and I found Desteni the last day of the last month, where everything that went on for these two months was nothing but me drowning myself into my own ‘tormented soul’ and not getting any other satisfaction but the one that I was busy building as the ‘spiritual search,’ dedicating my entire days to research more and learn about conspiracy theories and everything that I could use to redefine my career.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘want to seek the truth behind the veil of money and success’ wherein I was aiming at becoming some type of ascetic that is only seeking for a ‘divine truth’ by detaching from all worldly things and pursuing my ‘spiritual awakening’ even further – never realizing or considering at all what I was in fact doing and proclaiming as an overall desire to ‘detach from the system,’ which was plain ignorant as I had no idea nor did I consider how no one is able to really in fact be ‘out of the system,’ yet I proclaimed I would do it in the name of ‘the truth’ and ‘my mission in life,’ which started blending more with my artistic-endeavors and I was busy shaping my ‘new religion’ based on spirituality, art and a guru-like personality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to seek ‘the truth’ through the use of drugs as a means to ‘speed up my awakening’ which proves to what extent I manipulated myself to ‘spite the system’ in what I deemed was ‘the key’ out of the system, seeking spiritual enlightenment so that I would not have to be ‘bound by the claws of the system,’ which was very naïve of myself and plain ignorant, because I never considered how everything that I consume had to be paid for, including the drugs.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘seek for something to give me the answer to my life’ and ‘seeking to create meaningful art’ as a point of self-definition based on spitefulness due to/ because of the previous event wherein my dreams of fame/ success we’re not fulfilled as I wanted them to be, throwing a tantrum and seeing everything as being ‘not good enough for me,’ believing myself to be ‘more special than that,’ which is how I lead myself to pursue an spiritual awakening and being predicating overzealously about it, which was me driving myself into my own religion wherein I could finally ‘do things my way’ and apparently ‘free myself from the system.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself at the moment of writing this because of seeing it as absolutely tantrum-based, typical emotional breakdown wherein overcoming the situation implies doing something ‘more rebellious’ than what was done in the past, wherein I simply would have continued trying something out and when being dissatisfied by it, dumping it and going for the next big hit in my life – over and over and over again moving from one spot to another seeking for a ‘truth’ outside of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as plain stupid for having done what I’ve done, and regret having existed with such self-righteousness in the past wherein I could not see anything else but what I deemed was ‘right’ and believing that what I was doing was ‘my right to do so,’ in absolute spitefulness and vengeful ways that I covered up in a positive manner through and by spirituality, believing that I had to go through such ‘tormented situations’ to give up my ‘earthly desires’ and pursuit a more ‘divine-relationship with god.’

 

So this is the moment that I was ready to go fully into the rabbit hole of spirituality and religions and, if it had not been because of finding Desteni and finally supporting myself to stop all my mindfucks, I would have probably continued that way for the remainder of my life.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I had to seek ‘beyond myself’ and my ‘limited mind’ to create some type of transcendental art, wanting to ‘establish awareness with the divine in this world,’ which is how I justified all my endeavors in separation of myself, seeking for a ‘truth’ that I could defend zealously, because of thinking that ‘this time, what I was pursuing was ‘above it all’ as it had to do with the idea of god and the ‘whole’ as myself. I realize that this is the ‘oneness’ preached in spirituality, wherein I would only seek to fulfill myself and my dreams/ ideals based on ‘the positive’ while being absolutely oblivious to the entire world and Reality, where no bliss or happiness exists if you have no money to eat.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘change the world’ through art mixing it with spiritual practices, so that I could fulfill my spiritual ego and endeavors of something ‘greater than myself,’ which is the basic and primordial fuck that lead us to the point that we are now facing in our reality, wherein everything that we have ever sought is this ‘moreness’ of ourselves outside of ourselves, in separation of who we are as one and equal.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to validate my ‘pursuit’ by taking other artistic characters as examples, wherein I ‘knew’ that by creating this specialness about my life and turning into this ‘misunderstood misfit’ I could justify my work as even more ‘meaningful’ within the art world, due to how ‘drama’ was accepted as a key ingredient to ‘make any real art.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my abdication of responsibility toward myself, my word and reality by pursuing ‘spiritual realms’ wherein I could apparently only establish a relationship with something divine and somehow be magically ‘saved from this evil world,’ without even taking a moment to look at reality and see how I was the very +1 point added to the entire mess wherein we only care about ourselves, our own pursuit of happiness which I translated to an apparent ‘superior’ stage such as spirituality, never realizing it is no different to pursuing being a millionaire and having ‘all the power in the world,’ as I translated such power to light, bliss and ultimate wholeness that spiritual teachings claimed.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think ‘I don’t want anything to do with this reality any longer’ which was just another character script line so that I could justify my ‘eccentricity’ as a special being in this ‘fucked up world’ that seeks for something ‘greater’ that not everyone pursues, fueling my own mindfuck by the perspectives and opinions given by people around me which were all relationships backing up my character, my self-belief and within this thinking that I was ‘on the right path’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become the thought ‘I just want to be at peace with myself’ wherein I implied that all that I cared was me-myself-and-I and the rest could go down the drain, because of believing that I was not my body, that this world was an illusion and that I had nothing to do with this ‘realm’ of earthly desires. Within this manipulating myself to be and become this spiritual-artist character that is ‘more special’ than everyone else in my own mind only.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge, criticize, diss and diminish the ‘glamorous art realms’ due to and because of me believing and perceiving that I had been ‘cheated’ within it, and that I was ‘too noble’ for such businesses, which became my excuse to not pursue anything ‘real’ within my career but only follow through my spiritual endeavors and beginning to start thinking again that I had made the wrong career choice, and that I should dedicate myself fully to spirituality.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make an ‘oath’ with myself to only make art that ‘matters’ and not just take nice pictures, which was me making myself ‘more’ than before just so that I could not feel like I had failed in my dreams and endeavors to become famous and ‘well known’ in the artworld.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that ‘I don’t want to sell myself out this time,’ which is when I started judging money even more as something evil and corrupt that would ‘taint noble young souls’ and ruining the ‘true artist’ which I deemed myself to be, based on all the stories I had read of other artistic characters that I took as a bible to follow

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that this time, I was going to create something ‘real’ and ‘meaningful’ which was just creating my self-religion based on past experiences wherein I was still trying to spite everything that could point out to earning lots of money/ being famous just because I had not achieved my satisfaction within that point, not realizing that if it had in fact ‘satisfied me,’ I would have continued walking my endeavors to escalate more and more in the artworld and continue defending ‘art’ the way that I did before.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever think, believe and perceive myself to being establishing a relationship with ‘the divine’ and wanting to express ‘god’ through my work, getting lost in meanings, symbols, knowledge and information that I consumed in order to create this ‘unique’ self-religion so that I could make of art and spirituality ‘my life,’ all in separation of myself, not even regarding how everything that allowed me to continue living was money to buy food and pay my rent and continue existing in this world, which is how I deliberately shun away the actual planning and the practical steps to be taken in order to establish myself as being able to earn money from art.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think ‘god is not money and fame, and it is here for everyone,’ wherein I deluded myself into thinking that I could escape from reality somehow if I established a real devotion toward ‘the divine,’ which is nothing more but pure fanaticism that I was busy building and feeding through knowledge and information that I would quickly embrace because ‘it sounded good to my eyes,’ which proves how anything that eventually shattered my world was seen as something ‘of doubtful precedence’ and ‘not trust worthy’ just because of how I had become so used to thinking that life was about beauty, art and ‘the divine’ that I had to somehow embrace as a constant ‘state of being, ‘ as eternally blissful even if I was in this world – which is the ultimate declaration of separation, as I was willing to pursue this eternal satisfaction, feeling untouchable by the world while the world could fall apart in pieces because I would be protected, because of being a ‘good divine follower’ to some god/ energy/ superior being that I was busy trying to create a relationship to- never ever taking the point back to myself to see how I was only seeking me in separation of myself here.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I would not sell my artwork to ‘stay true to myself, ‘ which was nothing else but a tantrum-based declaration due to the past events of which I remain a victim of for a long time, due to me deliberately seeing how I was absolutely responsible for it all.

 

spiritual mindfuck

 

 

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself wanting to get rid of something/ someone based on a past event wherein I see myself as the victim – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this point will not have to even be existent if I stop the victimization process from the get go every time that I believe and perceive that ‘something is being done onto me.’ Thus I take the point back to myself, take responsibility for what I have created, said/done and within that, stop the cycles of spitefulness, revenge and retaliation toward anything or anyone that I have blamed for my experience.

 

When and as I see myself going into a tantrum of feeling misunderstood and building up emotions and feelings with it, I stop and I breathe. I realize that every time that I see myself going into a ‘down’ experience is linked to me not fulfilling an expectation that I envisioned in separation of myself. Thus I take responsibility to ensure that whatever I do is based on the benefit of all and not just pursuing my personal-life of seeking any form of desire as something/ someone in separation of myself. I realize I am here, breathing, and complete. I do not require anyone or anything to make me ‘more’ than who and what I already am here.

 

When and as I see myself seeking for a ‘radical change’ in my life, I stop and I breathe. I realize that such ‘radical’ and ‘extreme’ moves are based on wanting to spite something/ someone, wanting to make myself ‘more’ again based on a previous perceived fall leading to the belief of me ‘lacking’ something to make myself feel better again, which is all mind-state based/ experience based which is not who and what I really am. Who and what I exist as is the simplicity of breath here that is self directive and does not require to experience something ‘more’ based on a previous memory of a perceived fall. All I require is to stop participating in thoughts leading to a ‘more’ or ‘less’ experience of myself and continue breathing, doing and directing myself to be an do that which is best for all.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I am right at being/ becoming angry at someone/ the world and people agree about this experience within me. I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is not a point to trust as I am manipulating myself to become the victimized character that seeks company and commiseration in order to justify my own experience as ‘real,’ which is not. I direct myself to take responsibility for any thought implying that I am being done something ‘onto me,’ instead I take responsibility for my thoughts, stop, breathe and continue directing myself within the practicality required in the moment.

 

When and as I see myself projecting blame onto others, thinking or believing that ‘they are doing something onto me deliberately,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is the victimized character mechanism to ensure that I continue seeking ways to ‘make myself feel better’ by opposing, creating further conflict to regain my ‘positive experience.’ I realize that who I am here as breath does not require to exist as a constant experience.

 

When and as I see myself using spitefulness and a deliberate self-deprecated sate of being as a ‘healing process’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that I used this ‘state of being’ to manipulate people around me, to ‘have mercy on me’ and continue fueling my character of the ‘suffered and misunderstood one’ which is unacceptable, as it is nothing else but emotional blackmail that I am able to stop the very moment that I see myself feeling ‘down’ and ‘low’ as a deliberate expression presented onto and toward others.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to ‘spite the system’ by doing something that is ‘against the law’ and against ‘morals’ I stop and I breathe – I realize the little game for what it is as a means to make myself be ‘more’ than/ more clever/ more ‘cunning’ in the system based on doing that which is ‘forbidden,’ which is just a tantrum and mind-game of self-importance that I ensure I don’t ever participate in by establishing myself here as breath wherein I take responsibility for everything I do, say and think.

 

When and as I see myself seeking for something to give me the answer to life, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am the answer to life by directing myself in common sense, stopping all useless participation in thoughts, emotions and feelings and realize that there is actual work to be done within myself and in my reality to be the solution required in this world. This implies nothing else but common sensical living, moment by moment, breath by breath, taking responsibility for all the mind-games that I’ve placed and ensuring I stop them here as myself in every moment that I breathe and stop participating in the mind.

 

When and as I see myself whining about wanting to experience something, I stop and I breathe – I realize I am creating an unnecessary friction in my mind to eventually become possessed by that whining and get it by all means possible, which is unacceptable. I remain the directive principle of myself here in every moment that I breathe and direct myself in common sense.

 

When and as I see myself accessing the pattern of ‘I don’t want to do this any longer’ I stop and I breathe. I check the point wherein I have missed the point of myself and how I am creating a ‘better experience’ in mind. I apply self forgiveness for the desire of a ‘moreness of myself’ in separation of who I am here as simplicity of breath. Within this I ensure that I remain in the simplicity, stability and consistency of myself in breath day by day, moment by moment without defining myself according to the past or any other desire, want and need that may emerge in the mind.

 

When and as I see myself seeking to create, be and become something ‘meaningful’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am separating myself in the desire of ‘meaningfulness’ as something more than myself here in simplicity as breath.

 

When and as I see myself judging selling my work, I stop and I breathe. I realize that such judgment comes from the self-righteous spitefulness toward the perceived ‘evil world system,’ which means that it is all judgment based on making myself feel ‘less corrupt’ than everyone else, which is a lie to see myself as ‘better than.’ Thus, I direct myself to if and the opportunity is here to do so, go for it and use the money to support myself in what I require to consume to continue living. Simple.

 

When and as I see myself thinking that I have to ‘stay true to myself,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that this ‘truth’ as myself has been a personality that has believed itself to always be right as a character/ personality based on always seeing myself as the winner, the one that is right and always ‘on the right path.’ Thus I direct myself to simply stay here as breath wherein I see, realize and understand that I do not require to make myself as a ‘truth’ and ‘honest’ person based on a self-belief of ‘being right’ about my decisions and actions – instead I continue breathing and moving myself moment by moment without holding an ‘idea’ or belief of ‘who I am’ moment by moment.

 

“I commit myself to show that as Long as One Create Self as a Character in the Mind, one is a Criminal that Abuses Life for Self-Interest of the Self Created as Character.” – Bernard Poolman

 

For support on Self-Forgiveness go to the Desteni Forum

Read our blogs at Journey to Life

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“I commit myself to show that Self-Honesty will be Tough, as the Characters of the Life of Self have Multiple Diversions and know all the Lies – and thus will Do Everything in thought Backchat to Invalidate Self-Honesty. Discipline Self, Breath by Breath, in Self-Honesty to Return to the Physical Body and to Stop all thought, as Thought Only Creates Characters of Illusion that Lie.” – Bernard Poolman

 

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