Tag Archives: walking

537. Comfortable in My Own skin

 

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

 

Being comfortable in my own skin’ is something I’ve been paying close attention to and looking at with more detail these days, more so in the presence of more people, whether it’s people I know or simply people while walking on the streets.

The physical discomfort I have had is related to being what some might define as being ‘self-conscious’ in relation to how I can be perceived by others, specially to ‘new’ people and that’s been a constant which even if I doesn’t end up determining how I can eventually get to speak towards them, at the very initial moments of interaction there’s been this ‘discomfort’ experienced in my body, which I have also learned to not ‘close up to’ or go completely tense and stiff, but learn to kind of ‘acclimate’ to the situation, to the people. And of course this is definitely not a discomfort that has to do with myself in my own body per se, but has all to do with perceptions and judgments about myself, my expression or the ideas I can instantly create about how I can be perceived by others. However even if I end up reminding myself that I’m the only one that is making up these judgments and get to integrate myself and manage to correct myself ‘as I go’ in a conversation or interaction with others, an initial ‘stiffness’ in my body does emerge, slight but still there and here I’d like to be able to be comfortable within me no matter where or with whom.

Now this is me sharing more of the ‘work in progress’ and over time that I’ve been applying based on understanding the nature of my judgments, projections, beliefs, expectations in my mind that create such physical discomfort, but I can also remind myself that it hasn’t always been like that.

If anything a decade ago I also found my sense of security based on the people I surrounded myself with and alone I would be very much of an introvert with new people or people that I would instantly judge and perceive weren’t ‘my type’ to interact with  lol – I have worked a lot with prejudices, elitism, superiority/inferiority, personality pickiness during the initial interactions with others, I would only open up and be comfortable with people I wanted to talk to based on preference or personality. Eventually I could get to be ok around people, say if I’d see them every day like in school, but in any other social context, first thing would be like a tightness/freezing over wherein I’d just be observing and keeping quiet. And currently I’ve moved more into a point of comfort in interacting after I pass the initial ‘interaction stiffness,’ and this comes as a deliberate decision to make myself part of a moment.

I saw it yesterday when I was suddenly in a room with quite a few people I know in a very sheer manner, and I precisely practiced self-awareness at a body level, being aware of my body, the way I stood, ensuring I was relaxed – no pressures – and also getting to interact at moments which came as a complete decision to do so, because it’s not something that entirely ‘flows out of me’ yet, but it takes practice.

So this also gives me a clue as to how this ‘discomfort’ in my own skin has existed before, and that’s because of how I had always seen myself as ‘an outsider’ for most of my life – lol as a child, I used to think that I had truly been placed in the wrong family, that I probably had been dropped off by an alien or something like that – so figure that out, me growing up with that kind of ‘joking perceptions’ that evolved into an actual sense of ‘not belonging’ or ‘being an outsider’ or ‘being outshined by sisters’ expression’ which I’ve also written about before. And it’s interesting that it’s only lately how I have been finally finding ‘my ground’, more as in embracing myself, accepting myself, valuing myself which then also creates this sense of self-acceptance as a comfort in my own skin, and this is work in progress, will continue to fine tune myself – but it’s quite cool to give a bit of a review of ‘how I was’ before and where I would definitely not want to ‘accept me’ or ‘show me’ to the world, because of judgments, sense of inferiority or this same self-created ‘outsider’ experience, which won’t definitely get us anywhere in life but to isolation, exclusion and eventually missing out on life.

What I’ve realized over these past week in fact wherein I noticed the most discomfort in my physical walk, is that it was all related to perceptions, to ‘lacking’ a company in the moment, to being perceived as a ‘loner’ or simply becoming more ‘judgmental’ towards my own appearance even, which is something I don’t usually struggle with, but as I explained in a previous blog about comfort in solitude, this comfort was suddenly shaken once that I saw myself being walking alone in the streets, which I’ve tested out just today and saw that with the attention I’ve created towards this point of physical comfort and stopping any thoughts related to what causes the sense of ‘missing’, I was quite ok and comfortable in myself, which means, this works.

I also realize to what extent we are defined by memories, because this same ‘discomfort’ was really something I would experience more many, many years ago, it could have remained there in a more subtle manner, but it became exposed again once that my reality changed and suddenly I didn’t entirely establish this comfort within myself, alone, but went back to ‘experiencing the lack’ and so forth, which is also a matter of getting used to it and practicing physical awareness while walking outside.

Now I have to say that writing all of this out in detail in these blogs and so creating an inevitable awareness of myself at a physical level during my days has been very assisting. Today for example I did what I said I would do yesterday, which is to vlog again on YouTube this time alone – no hangouts or other world matters, but sharing me – and that was quite cool to do, much simpler to do than I had thought, and all I had to leave aside was the pretense, the perception that I had to behave in a certain way or portray myself in a certain manner. When dropping all of these beliefs, what came through is just me, as I could probably see myself in a mirror every time I exchange words with any other person, and that’s very cool, it usually would not be coming through like that in personal vlogs, maybe hangouts yes, but this was a cool step for me also to not have certain points of resistance hanging there in ‘waiting’ mode, but I simply walked my decision to start vlogging again and will continue sharing some pointers there for the YouTube community.

In relation to this ‘comfort in one’s own skin’ and particularly how I perceived this expression coming through someone that I perceived myself being attracted to – how I saw it was entirely related to being zero pretentious yet having a dose of ‘character’ in a way wherein one can be expressive yet without any hidden agenda, without trying to ‘impress’ or portray oneself in a ‘superior’ manner in any way, and this is precisely what I want to integrate fully within myself, especially when I am not interacting with people.

That’s the actual key here, because whenever I start making contact with people, it’s like a more or less instant-down-to-earth expression – yes, most of the times, maybe not entirely always, still got to fine tune that – but, when being alone in a public space and there’s zero interaction – like walking through busy streets, that discomfort can creep up and can be probably perceived as some kind of snobbishness in how I ‘carry’ myself lol which is actually coming from an experience of uncertainty in fact wherein in our minds we seek to create a point of comfort through some kind of superiority or ‘self-elevation’ so to speak. And I can relate a lot to this, being uber-serious but more in portraying a ‘do not mess with me’ type of expression, which is also a sense of defensiveness that eventually creates tension in my body and that means, I’m not really ‘here’ expressing comfortably in my body, especially when going out alone and not really interacting with others. Well, there’s also an aspect of being a female walking alone in the streets, but even that, should not really define me, I should not carry ‘fear’ within me while walking either, because that’s still me giving space to fear to exist within me throughout the whole time, and that’s not expression. All I can do is be cautious, without paranoia and take care of myself.

Who I am in fact should not change whether I am alone or with others in terms of my inner-expression so, this is the point for me to continue looking at in real time, but so far as of today, cool progress, less haste as well, more stability in my step so to speak and not rushing as if hell was about to break loose either, which I did a couple of weeks ago, eventually hurting the sole of foot with blisters, so that was a ‘stop!’ indication from my body, that I was still walking ‘in the past’ and perceiving a ‘lack’ as I walked – living in the past – instead of embracing the moment, without memories, which is something also learned from Gian and his experience with his feet which can be seen here.

Ok, so I’ll share as I go other aspects that I go noticing of physical comfort and ‘being comfortable in my own skin,’ and simply to remind how all of this is of course an outflow of walking the Desteni Process and learning to support myself to change, to become the individual that I see I can be and express and so far it’s definitely the solution I see to genuinely becoming the kind of individuals that can create a new world, the change starts within ourselves.

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175. My Sacred Time of the Day

The Positive-Thought and Reactions that have chained me to see everything else as a ‘lesser time’ of the day.

When we have a negative thought, in our mind we immediately want to jump again to the ‘feel good’ experience as that is essentially when we consider that we feel ‘fine’ and ‘great’ and create this sense of ‘everything is alright.’

Today I’m going to walk the Positive Thoughts’ Reaction in relation to the procrastination character. These particular thoughts are in essence like one single picture-frame that I see in my mind whenever I am ‘thinking’ about getting this document done and after going through the negative thoughts of all the tediousness and apathy experienced toward simply ‘doing the task’ as the memories discussed yesterday, I create immediately the ‘positive experience’ as that which I talk myself into rather doing because it is simply something that I enjoy doing.

Now, what’s interesting within this is that I’ve made of walking outside my every day ‘moment to self’ however if I applied the same rigorous immovable decision to ‘go out for a walk’ in all aspects of my day to get to all my responsibilities, I am sure that I’d be definitely more effective.

So first – I’ll walk the positive experience linked to this thought, then see how I can practically create a schedule in order to consider that I can place the same ‘drive’ that I have to go outside and walk toward any other task that I require to get done.

This ‘drive’ won’t be based then in having a positive experience, nor a ‘positive attitude’ toward it, but a single process of moving myself physically to do it – just like what walking implies – an effortless activity wherein I am simply giving myself physical direction to move and go somewhere and back.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the positive thought of the view of the street that I walk through with a golden like light shining on the pavement, with some clouds half way covering the sun as this moment that I would rather ‘walk outside for to experience’ instead of working with the task that I have at hand, which came up as the thought of ‘I must get to work on this today’ and immediately participate in the previous two thoughts or any other point of fear and unpleasant reaction such as tediousness, apathy, fear and general avoidance to it, wherein I then switch into the positive thought of ‘walking outside’ as one excuse to simply ‘leave it for later’ in order to go out and experience the thought that I have created in order to tempt myself to go outside, wherein I feel more at ease and ‘good’ about myself due to all the physical experience that I enjoy participating in.

 

When and as I see myself creating the thought of the street that I walk through as a temptation to not do what I have to do in the moment, and leave it for later – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the mechanism in my mind that I have submitted to in order to always ‘give in’ to what I have made part of my routine and an ‘alright’/ enjoyable point that I have never questioned due to it being part of physical activity and movement during my day, yet when it becomes a point of self manipulation it is clear that I must stop and realize that I cannot follow the ‘positive experience’ and drop/ leave the responsibilities aside, as I have made a habit of making it ‘alright’ to go for a walk and do what I enjoy doing regardless of any other point that requires immediate direction.

 

I see and realize that I have made of this point of walking a religious-point that I have made immovable in my every day routine, which indicates that because it is a positive experience of feeling ‘free’ as in moving and not doing something in particular, I have made it ‘my time of the day’ which I have respected as such during my every day living. Thus I realize that if I implement the same to get other points done in my reality, and making my responsibilities also an immovable and unbreakable point of my routine, then I can get to still have that time for me to go out for a walk and have the certainty of having worked with that which I must work with myself no matter what.Therefore,

I commit myself to implement the time throughout the day to get this writing done as an every day point that I get into for at least 2 hours of my day, which implies that I have to choose a moment every day according to my already existent schedule to get to this point and do it no matter what, to equalize the same drive that I have for going out for a walk, into this point wherein I make no excuses or justifications as to why I could not get to it today. This implies that within the rest of the activities that I had for the day, I can go also assessing which ones I can move around/ set proper times to do them instead of doing a little bit of all at once without really dedicating proper time to each task, as I see and realize that this can also be a supportive point to go into as I walk this alignment of myself to that which is priority in my reality to get done.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive thought as the image of the streets that I walk through with even the sensation of the slightly cold breeze with the sun coming down and several clouds as the enticing and temptation point that I ‘give into’ because of believing that this is something that ‘I’d rather do instead of remaining at home during sunset time,’which I have linked to a sense of depression and isolation and a feeling of seclusion, due to having created the habit for many years now to be outside walking during sunset time regardless of any excuse – unless it is raining/pouring heavily outside – and within this, create a positive experience of my day that leads to this one moment of going outside for a walk and even plan my day in such a way that I ensure I have time to go out for this walk.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how I implemented this point of walking at that particular time of the day ‘back in the day’ wherein I would be experiencing myself as ‘isolated’ at home and making of this time of the day my religious moment to ‘be free’ and create an entire positive experience of the sightings and the weather, the pictures I’d see as my ‘high’ moment of the day, wherein this became a habit to simply not be inside my house when the shift from daylight to nighttime goes on, as I have created this sensation of sadness and dread to being at home and seeing the daylight go and night coming in, which then reveals how this positive experience exists as the opposite to this sensation of depression that I would go into at the time when I would not go out of my house at all –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get the memory at the moment of me being reading in my ‘old house’ when I was a young teenager and being immersed in the reading and looking up outside the window and seeing that there was still some daylight – then the next moment after a while looking up and realizing that it is already night time, wherein I would create this sensation of ‘having missed the sunset/ having squandered another day’ which created this negative experience of depression and dullness and dissatisfaction within me, due to realizing that I had seen ‘another day gone by and not doing something in particular but reading,’ which I knew was a distraction from actually going outside and interacting with reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then use walking as that positive experience that I created in my mind as a ‘personal improvement’ aspect which means that I have tainted the walking point with a positive experience from that time when I used to not go out for a walk/ remain at home and link that to a ‘dull time/ bad time/ depressive time’ of my life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program this point of ‘going out for a walk’ as a remedy to me ‘hitting the low’ as a depressive or dull moment in my day wherein the cheering up moment comes up as ‘going out for a walk’ as the ‘always effective method’ to get myself into a ‘high’ and positive experience even if it is as slight as having this impetus and driving force in a positive manner to go outside, which indicates that I have in fact used this point of ‘going out for a walk’ as a way to ‘escape from myself’ and the responsibilities that are usually existent ‘at home’/ in my room. Thus I realize how I have used the excuse of MY MOMENT of the day as this immovable/ sacred moment that I cannot put down for something else/ to do something else such as writing my document, which actually happened –thus the memory.

 

I forgive myself that I have linked the experience of being inside the classroom during the afternoon/ evening and seeing outside the window how the sun would be going down and wishing and hoping that I was ‘free’ to be able to go out for a walk, creating a positive experience toward the sole ability of going out for a walk during sunset – within this (okay this is seriously shocking the marlen programming here) I breathe  – lol –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link being in school or reading or writing or doing anything else BUT being outside walking during sunset as a negative experience within my day, which is how and why I have used this image as a positively charged thought in my mind that I have used to manipulate myself to ‘get out no matter what’ in order to not experience the negative as the dullness/ depression/ tediousness/ apathy that is linked to me being at home ‘secluded’ in my room, being at school attending class instead of being outside and being with the horses at the stables – which is ‘outside’ yet not walking/ doing what I want in that moment and use these points as an excuse to define al of those activities as a negative point that I do not want to do based on my self interest as the positive experience of ‘going out for a walk to make my day.’

Therefore, when and as I see myself getting this anxiety when seeing the sun coming down already and not being outside already in my daily walk – I stop and I breathe – I realize that what is driving me to hurry is that ‘negative experience’ that I have gotten from that memory wherein I would remain at home during ‘sunset time’ and be depressed just by seeing another day go by without doing ‘anything’ but reading/ being at school during class time and only being sitting close to the window or simply looking outside with ‘wonder’ as to manipulate myself to make of that moment something dull/ bad/ negative based on my desire to be outside/ being with the horses and supporting them before night time and not being outside walking, but being outside supporting another being during sunset time –  and as such, I realize that I have imprinted within me my own beliefs of what is positive and negative onto activities/ actions/ moments in my life based on different contexts and situations that cannot in any way continue defining ‘who I am’ within reading, who I am within attending class, who I am within supporting another being, who I am within walking, who I am within the particular time of the day – specifically sunset’ – which I have charged as this almost ‘sacred’ time of the day that I Must experience while walking, and whenever I was not able to fulfill this point of being outside walking throughout this time, I would also get frustrated or irritated for not doing what ‘I like doing’ – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the memory of working with horses at the farm during sunset, wherein I would take much earlier than sunset since horses come into the stables at sunset, and as such have the experience of ‘missing out on life’/ missing out ‘my moment’ wherein I would simply be walking outside during sunset instead of taking care of another, which is also what I see factored into my entire experience of working with horses as a point that would ‘take my time’ as a ‘personal time’ that I had created as something untouchable and immovable such as going outside for a walk during sunset.

I see and realize that even the thought of not being able to do this once I am at the farm, has factored into ‘not wanting to leave my religious walk’ of the day and as such, how I have mind—controlled myself into this single limited perspective of my experience within walking wherein I am essentially revolving around this moment of the day, to get to this moment of the day, making it my ‘ultimate experience’ instead of actually seeing walking as that moment that yes, I can listen to interviews and ‘get out in the world,’ however not to make it an entire experience that is ‘positive’ in nature and that overrides any other point of responsibility within me, as I see and realize that this is the ‘problem’ that we create within ourselves every time that we only want to do that which we have programmed as a positive experience in order to avoid the negative experience linked to it.

When and as I see myself believing that I am ‘missing out on life’ because of being working with horses instead of being ‘outside walking by myself’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that such thoughts are what creates also a negative experience toward working with horses in that particular time of the day, based on the positive experience that I have imprinted throughout time to ‘my time’ as being alone, walking during sunset time as this precious time that I don’t even want to share with another  – as I have been so inflexible and rigid with my own self-religion when it comes to doing things the way that I am used-to/ ‘want them to be done’ which are all aspects that only sustain this rigid and immovable and closed-minded version of myself, wherein I see and realize that it takes a physical ‘effort’ to do something different within this walk in itself, like going out for a walk with another and being listening to another while walking instead of being all by myself, or spending longer time indoors when getting to a particular place during my walk, wherein the moment that I go out and the sun is down I believe that I have ‘missed the entire gist of my walk’ because I was not able to fully ‘presence’ the sun going down, lol, which is really ludicrous now that I write it out and funny, but that is essentially how I have been my own ‘clockwise’ in relation to my day, my doing, my ‘climatic moment of the day’ as being outside going for a walk and not wanting to miss ‘that’ moment of the sun going down.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I see me spending more time within a particular task in the computer and see that it is already ‘being late’ to go out for a walk, I look up at the sky and if it’s already going ‘darker’ than usual, I create this experience of anxiety to move right away and cut/ stop whatever I’m doing, and rushing to putting my boots on and going out for a walk, simply because of not wanting to miss this particular moment of the day outside. Within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dominated and controlled by a single experience that I have considered is a positive experience within my day such as ‘being outside walking during sunset’ without realizing to what extent I have made this a ‘cannot miss’ point wherein I manipulate myself, my doings, my tasks and even others so that I can always ensure I have this time for myself in order to have the day ‘complete’ and experience  ‘satisfaction’ from it as a positive experience – and the other way around, creating a negative experience wherein for whatever reason I cannot be outside going for a walk during sunset, wherein a slight irritation and dissatisfaction emerges, due to believing that I have missed out on life today.

I realize that Life is not defined by a positive experience, nor defined by the pictures I see of a sun going down and setting my reality into ‘night time,’ nor is it this special moment that I must experience always being walking outside, alone, with earphones on and creating this whole ‘my time’ experience as I see and realize that within having created this point as ‘THE moment of my day’ everything else then comes in a ‘second place’ wherein my drive to do it is partially based also on ‘getting to the moment of going out for a walk’ instead of equalizing such impetus/ driving force as a physical breathing in every moment point that I commit myself to live in a stable and consistent manner.

When and as I see myself believing that being doing something else that is not walking outside during sunset time, is a reason for me to believe that I am ‘missing out on life’ and that ‘I have ‘just missed My Time of the day’ wherein an entire experience of dissatisfaction and even slight irritation comes up – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have created and made of this walking time an ‘immovable’ aspect within my life in separation of the rest of my daily tasks and activities and simple ‘being here’  that also require an equal commitment to get them done and to equalize myself as breath no matter where I am, with whom, with whatever I am doing – therefore

I commit myself to equalize this impetus/ driving force that I have created and lived-out in relation to ‘going out for a walk’ toward all activities during my day wherein this driving force is no longer linked to a positive experience of ‘enjoying the movement’ and the view of the world while walking while avoiding re-creating the dullness/ sadness/ depression that I would go into in the memory of myself remaining ‘at home’ through sunset time –  and instead direct myself to physically move to get all points done within my day wherein I can still go out for a walk without making it a ‘moreness’ moment within my day, wherein I have made everything else of the day as the ‘downfall’ compared to such momentum that I get from the moment I decide to go out for a walk, up to the moment when I come back and it’s already dark and within this, having the background thought of ‘I’ve made my day’ because of having had this positive experience fulfilled within me, which indicates that I have not equalized my daily routine to be an equal and one self-movement, but still held this particular time of the day as ‘more’ and ‘positive experience’ within me, which is unacceptable as then in my mind, I have created of the seemingly ‘tedious’ tasks which require my focus and attention as negative experiences when compared to my self-created positive experience of going out for a walk.

What I have realized within this is that it is absolutely necessary to go in depth to that which we have charged as the positive experience as this entire made-up positive experience overrides common sense and self direction to in fact direct ourselves to do that which we have deemed as ‘negative’ in our world and reality – it is all based on How we have imprinted such moments in our reality – thus we have the ability to re-define such moments as an equal impetus/ driving force at a physical level that we are able to exist as simply being breathing and equalizing our activities to breathing instead of ‘thinking’ and going into experiences upon thinking about reality and our actions.

Furthermore I can see how I have made of my ‘positive experience’ something that would seem quite ‘usual’ or ‘normal’ for any other person, however due to how I have specifically ‘conjured up’ this every day action within my day, it is definitely not something that I hold as ‘normal’ within my day, but have made it ‘more’ than any other moment of my day – thus I commit myself to stop holding any ‘moreness’ value to sunset time, to walking and to within this realize that I cannot accept and allow myself to be motivated by pictures and and a positive experience to move as all that I require to move is here as my physical body, breath and my will and decision to do what is required to be done and within this actually Live the entire day instead of ‘being living for’ only a particular moment within my day.

More to come

 

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120. ‘I don’t like breaking my routine’

This emerged as I went out for a walk as I do everyday and two people approached me – a woman and her son – and the woman indicated that they had seen me walking around always Alone around the neighborhood, and she quickly asked me if I’d like to go walking with them some time – and so, I was calm here breathing and I could clearly immediately experience the same physical sensation of just ‘wanting to leave’ right there immediately upon hearing an invitation to go somewhere/ do something that is ‘out of my routine,’ I clearly had backchat in between our conversation such as:

What do they want from me?

Are they white lighters? (because they asked me if I liked yoga)

How can I say that I like to walk all by myself?

I just want to be alone

She probably wants me to be ‘friends’ with her son

Do I look that lonely and/or depressed to others?

I don’t want my routine to be interrupted

Why is she so insistent?

Is it that people are wondering about me being suspicious around here?

I can tell her that I’ll be moving out soon, that way they’ll go away

I’m wasting my time here

Do I have to explain my life to her?

And so this seemingly ‘casual’ experience was a trigger point for me to see how I have lived within this almost fear an anxiety to do something out of my own routine, wherein interacting with others and doing things out of ‘my schedule’ seems like an aberration at all times.

Hence I walk self-forgiveness and self corrective application on each point of backchat experienced as a defense mechanism to my own self-religion.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately react with the backchat ‘what do they want from me?’ when seeing people crossing the street in order to meet me, which is a defense mechanism wherein I immediately react to the image of people suddenly approaching me, which at a peripheral view becomes a ‘threatening sight’ simply because of holding the fear of being robbed or mugged by people on the streets while I walk alone.

When and as I see myself fearing the sight of people approaching me, I stop and I breathe – I instead ensure that I do take a look at the people and remain stable with whatever their intentions are

I realize that reacting in fear is just a way to keep me ‘alert’ of people at all times while walking on the street, which is why and how I have developed a way to walk in a very ‘focused’ manner looking only at the horizon but not looking at people specifically as to not create a point ‘unspoken communication’ just by sight/ view of each other.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘she probably wants me to be ‘friends’ with her son’ the moment that she introduced me to her son, which is how I have been conditioned to believe that all ‘mothers’ introducing their sons to females has to do with wanting to arrange a ‘couple’ in the moment.

When and as I see myself reacting with the backchat’ oh they want me to go out with his son/ the male here’ – I stop and I breathe, I continue hearing what they have to say while breathing here

I realize that all reactions stem from the times when it is a cliché that a mother seeks a female to ‘go out with’ a female in order to establish relationships – I realize that I can stop this backchat and simply remain here breathing and listening to the words spoken in physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘do I look that lonely and/ or depressed to others’ in terms of me walking all alone, which is me reacting to the woman’s facial expression of concern wherein I believe that she’s concerned and/or wanting to make a ‘big deal’ out of me being alone all the time – thus I realize that being ‘lonely’ is a word that is negatively seen by people that judge their own aloneness as something that would immediately require company – therefore I take the point for what it is and that’s it.

When and as I see myself wondering if others see me as ‘too lonely and/or depressed’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this backchat only supports others’ words and projected concerns about ‘loneliness,’ wherein I see and realize that the fact that I contained such backchat indicates that I have judged myself for walking all alone and victimizing myself at times for ‘walking around all alone’ in terms of how it is seen by others, and/or looking seemingly ‘suspicious’ to others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat: is it that people are wondering about me being suspicious around here? Wherein I allow myself to project my own beliefs of ‘how I am seen’ around the neighborhood/ area in which I walk – thus, I see and realize that I am still holding on to the ‘I am weird/ eccentric’ character while walking on the street, wherein I believe that people are having all types of ideas about me walking on the same road every single day, like a mentally deranged person which I embody as a form of protection toward what I believe is a way to secure myself to not be ‘attacked’ by people on the street, and instead, become the fear instigator toward others, just as a defense mechanism toward potential robbers/ abusers while I walk down the street.

When and as I see myself acting out on the character of being mysterious/ being seemingly suspicious in my attitude and random moves as I walk down the streets, I stop and I breathe – I continue walking simply being here aware of what I’m listening and seeing and experiencing as my very own feet on the ground walking step by step, taking the necessary precautions in terms of checking people around and make the necessary moves in order to consider what works best in terms of walking on the street in any given moment.

I realize that I have become the seemingly suspicious character in order to remain ‘safe’ and ‘undisturbed’ by people, just because of not wanting to establish relationships with people or be ‘too well known’ by others in the neighborhood, aside from the people I buy food/ stuff from.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘do I have to explain my life to her?’ the moment that she asks if I had a brother or sister to go out with, wherein I then have to explain that I live alone and that I have no one to walk with.

I realize that this is a strange situation for me that I had not experienced as it is very rare that someone approaches you to ‘strike a conversation ‘out of nowhere,’ which indicates to what level of fear and control we’ve lived, wherein we cannot even consider that another would just want to ‘strike a conversation’ but we immediately assess what is it that they want from us, what is it that they are promoting/ selling/ involved-in in order to make sales.

When and as I see myself going into the backchat of ‘Do I have to explain myself to her’? I stop and I breathe – I continue listening unconditionally to the questions and direct myself to assess what information I can give and what information I rather not give to a new person/ stranger in the moment.

I realize that I don’t require to ‘explain’ myself as in making sense of my aloneness, but I can simply share in a very succinct manner the reasons for the pattern another is pointing out and how I am practically living without it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the backchat ‘are they whitelighters’ as a way to immediately discard what they have to say in the moment based on me thinking, believing that only ‘good doers/ positive thinkers’ would want to do something that they view as ‘positive’ at their eyes.

When and as I see myself judging people in my head for being into yoga/ spirituality, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can instead of judging directing me to hear what they have to say about it and respond accordingly, without reacting from the fact that I was into spirituality for a brief moment.

I realize that I create labels/ tags onto people as a way to support my character of the ‘reality observer,’ wherein I believe that I understand the mechanisms of the mind to the T, which is absolutely not so, and that I instead tend to create these points/ characters according to the level of ‘threat’ they represent to myself as my own mind in that moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am wasting my time with people when I am talking with them, as I see and realize that it is only me in my mind creating a defense mechanism toward something/ someone that is actually a potential ‘debunker’ toward my own mind.

When and as I see myself thinking that ‘I am wasting my time here’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is me rushing as my mind wanting to ‘move on’ with the immovable type of self-created experience, instead of me supporting myself to actually slow down, breathe and as such listen and consider what is being explained/ lived/ talked about in the moment unconditionally.

I realize that the ‘I don’t have enough time’ sentences is an excuse to stop communication, seek ways to not continue communicating wherein I assess something ‘else’ that I have to do as ‘more important’ than the moment, which is clearly a defense mechanism to not have to face myself as my own mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with an energetic experience of fear and slight anxiety when being asked to go out with others/ being invited to do something out of my routine, which implies that the fear and anxiety is a defense mechanism to not even consider the point as a potential opportunity for me to face myself and my own inclination to remain ‘undisturbed’ by others in my routine. Thus

When and as I see myself reacting in fear and anxiety to a question that proposes me doing something out of the ordinary, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can in fact assess whether I am able to participate or not without immediately seeking ways to say ‘no’ and justify that decision with my own backchat as I realize that I am not being entirely self directive in such moments, but allowing me to just ‘shut down’ and created excuses to not walk the point and actually open up toward others as an opportunity of self-expansion and expression with others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think the backchat ‘how can I say that I like to walk all by myself?’ wherein I am defending my own reluctant self-experience to participate, interact with others based on the memories of having been impulsed to socialize with others, such as the way that my mother would force me to socialize which is how I have a kept one single memory as the point that defines all my interactions with people that I get to know of in a ‘casual manner,’ wherein I would defend my ‘right’ to remain as a loner no matter what.

When and as I see myself wanting to explain to others why and how I enjoy being alone, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am creating a defense to my own self-religion of ‘being alone’ wherein I am only seeking ways to not interact with others. Thus I allow myself to continue interacting and considering what’s being said in the moment, without any condition or any restriction according to what ‘threatens’ my own desire to ‘be alone.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another in my head as ‘insistent’ the moment that they ask again about my own ‘loneliness’ and inviting me to go out with them, wherein I am still believing that there must be something in it for them to insist on socializing with me, which is how I have conditioned myself to always look t relationships and interactions based on self interest wherein I immediately judge another’s expression toward me and their starting point to communicate according there being some personal benefit out of it, which is how I would mostly judge any ‘casual communication’ and only expecting people to get to explain their reason of interacting/ communicating based on a point of self-interest, which is the only reason I could think of as the reason for people approaching others to communicate.

I realize that I have judged people approaching others as always having to do with people wanting something to their own benefit, which is how I have always judged communication as self-interest instead of actually allowing myself to be that it can be an actual unconditional openness from human beings in the moment without any personal interest in itself.

Thus, when and as I see myself wanting to rush a point of communication to ‘get to know ‘what people are in fact being pushed by/ driven by in order to communicate with me, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am seeing the communication through the veil of ‘self interest’ projected onto others instead of actually breathing and just being here in every word that is being spoken wherein I can ensure that I am hearing the words said instead of interpreting them.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I don’t want my routine to be interrupted’ – which is the actual core of my character as ‘the loner’ wherein any potential threat to my religion of always doing things the way that ‘I want’ is judged by myself as my mind in order to diminish any potential threat to my own routine as a holder of my ego/ self-religion based on having a certain time throughout the day for everything, wherein I immediately create any point that could stand outside of such norm/schedule as an aberration that must be annihilated immediately, which is the reason why I tend to create all types of excuses as to never have to actually challenge my own time frames and ‘way of being’ in order to participate in an activity/ moment of interaction with other human beings.

I realize that I have believed that breaking my routine is something that I simply ‘cannot afford’ within the consideration of how I use my time throughout the day thus

When and as I see myself thinking about saying no to a proposal of interaction/ communication with other beings and creating the excuse of time as a justification with the thinking pattern ‘I don’t want my routine to be interrupted’ – I stop and I breathe – I instead allow myself to consider whether it is viable for me to actually participate or not according to my actual self-honest assessment of the point, ensuring that I am in fact not restricting my participation with others deliberately, but that I give myself the opportunity to consider opening up with people and seeing how it could work to do something ‘out of the ordinary’ without compromising myself either.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always seek ways to rush a point of communication with people that I deem as too ‘talkative’ to an end through the backchat ‘I just want to leave already’/ ‘I just want to be alone and keep going’ which is how I have kept myself ‘intact’ within my own patterns of how I communicate and interact with people, always seeking to just ‘be alone’ again as I see and realize that interacting, communicating and actually opening up to others is the way to go debunking my own restrictive personality toward others, as a defense mechanism for my own mind as its main characters to continue existing as a point of ‘exclusivity’ in relation to who I talk to/ who I can simply disregard, which is an elitist way of looking at people, making it an excuse to not actually interact and expand in a moment, but remain within the safe bounds of my own mind.

When and as I see myself thinking ‘I just want to be alone and keep going’/ I just want to leave already – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am facing a moment and a point wherein I can actually breakthrough my imposed self-limitations of communication toward others, and in fact allow myself to expand and express with others without having to have a ‘reason’ behind it, but simply see it as an opportunity to step outside of my own schemes for a moment and see how I can support myself within participating with others, unconditionally.

I realize that I have a resistance to do things ‘out of my routine’ because I have made of my routine this ‘untouchable’ aspect of ‘who I am’ wherein I have disliked anything and anyone that dares to challenge it, reacting with fear of losing myself as my mind, as my self-religion and ‘my time’ which I have used as an excuse to not interact and actually expand with others, as I see that it takes an actual ‘push’ and effort for me to do something ‘out of the ordinary,’ which is just a matter of allowing myself to do it more frequently in order to not hold a resistance toward it in any way whatsoever.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want things to remain ‘the same’ and ‘immovable’ as this creates an experience of certainty within myself as my mind, wherein I am only looking to create a ‘safe environment’ as a routine and repetition within my mind wherein such repetition becomes a form of security to remain ‘stable’ within myself. Thus

When and as I see myself wanting to shut down/ move away and or avoiding something or someone that represents having to step out of that routine, that repetition as a certainty to my own ‘world’ within my mind, I stop and I breathe – I realize that change is actually cool in order to go letting loose from my own trap of mind-routine as a self-religion of certainty and security. This way I allow myself to do things out of my schedule at times within the self-honest consideration of myself and practicality in that moment, to also not now compromise to ‘always’ do things to step out of my mind-routine, but simply be open and self-honest about participating in points that I am invited to, or even directing myself to ‘by my own will’ as a way to really walk the self-correction of never ‘touching’ anything that could mean a potential change/ threat to my routine as my mind.

I assist and support myself to become aware of my own thinking when being invited to do something out of the ordinary wherein I can self-honesty assess the proposal instead of just shoving it away or wanting to run away from it. I support myself to walk the correction of what it means to consider practicality before listening to my own backchat as the decision maker toward any event in my reality.

 

I commit myself to continue breaking my own routine and self-religion patterns with small activities and actions wherein this desire to remain ‘immovable’ is actually walked into a practical realization of being available and open for interaction with others wherein I decide whether I participate or not based on a self-honest assessment toward it, instead of immediately shutting it down out of fear of debunking my own religion.

 

I realize that I am the one that has the power to decide whether I support myself to live and break-through my own patterns or not, thus I decide whether I remain within the confinement of my own characters and personalities or actually allow myself to step out of my own mind control and live.

 

For further support in walking our own mind and understanding our own creation as a limited version of life through and as a limited mind, visit the Desteni I Process website to learn more about how you can walk a process of knowing yourself in order to be able to create who we are based on a principle of life in equality, with support and assistance to always have a point of reference in relation to HOW we can practically begin to live and how we can practically stop all forms of limitations as fears to not do so.

Desteni

Desteni Forum

 

28-days-later

Blogs:

Day 120: True Activist Politics

Multidimensional Inner-Voices – Part 2 (Self-Commitments): DAY 120

 

Interview of the day:

Life Review – A Child’s Mind in an Adult Body

2012 Stopping judgment–a walking process

There’s one aspect that I have been more ‘keen’ to these days which is the experience of being physically around many beings, like at the movies. I actually enjoyed the point of watching the same movie with several other people in the same room – even if I went ‘by myself’ – it is also a cool way for me to not distract myself with something else or believe that I should be doing something else instead of watching films, which allows me to then focus and simply enjoy. I thought of how people would enjoy going to the movies for the sake of the whole thing about ‘going to the movies’ and sharing that moment with many others at the same time.

 

In the past, the ‘discomfort’ felt within going to the movies was because of thinking that it wasn’t ‘normal’ for me to go alone to the movies, and I would mostly fear people judging me or judging the fact that I was all alone while I could see all of these couples or families around. However at that time, I simply took the judgment as a point of definition and turned such point as ‘pride’ within ‘going alone to the movies’ instead of taking the point through an actual self-correction process wherein it is now through stopping the backchat toward myself and activities I do alone, that I am able to actually start living the sheer physical-aspect of being in a movie theatre with many other beings. I noticed how even having people sitting next to me would become an excuse to bring up thoughts according to sensing ‘liking/ disliking’ the being. This time I stopped the thoughts and brought my focus and attention here – breathing and taking all beings equally – eventually what I see is that through stopping such judgments as separation from others beings, you literally integrate your surrounding as yourself – one and equal – there’s no reaction and the point of focus becomes the movie in itself. Took some time though to get to this point while watching the movie.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen ‘alone’ at the movies

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel’ that the person next to me is a ‘cool person’ and judging another one as ‘annoying’ just because of him making noises with some wrap.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable within the theatre when ‘unknown people’ sit next to me because of considering it as an ‘uncomfortable moment’ due to the judgments I create about this point in my head, projecting such ‘discomfort’ as ‘how I perceive the others also experience the moment’ within themselves.

When and as I see myself getting uncomfortable when sitting next to a stranger, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am only assessing such ‘discomfort’ at a thought level wherein I am going into my mind to ‘judge the being’ instead of actually realizing we are human beings, sharing the same space just as we share this entire world with one another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear proximity with strangers which is simply indicating that I have judged contact/ physical approach as something that is ‘invading my privacy’ which is another point that is created out of fear wherein we only want this ‘space’ for ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as this ‘aversion toward unknown people’ which lead me to seclude myself in the past, simply because of not wanting to interact in public places with other beings, such as the movies.

 

 

I’ve been visiting my family for the past week, I’ve had a cool time doing stuff I don’t usually do like running around with kids at my niece’s first year b-day party. I attended a baptism mass wherein I simply spent my time taking pictures and communicating.

 

I enjoyed playing with kids at my niece’s party,  I let go of any backchat that emerged at the beginning with thoughts  like ‘oh what will people say about me running around with 5 year olds?’ As soon as I saw the limitation, I simply did it. It was quite a big party and I actually was glad to see some people that I had not seen for some years, probably since the last wedding I attended, which was my sister’s wedding back in 2008. I never thought I would be glad and actually enjoy seeing people from the past – family and friends of the family.

Later on I got to know that I was playing with children from my sister’s friends whom I have known for over a decade, it was quite interesting to see how I didn’t even know most of the kids. They are the only ones that dare to ask about my hair and strike conversations about stuff that matters, like how they experience their teachers in school or relationships with their siblings. As we grow up, we create these barriers wherein we ‘learn’/ are told ‘what to share’ and ‘what not to share’ simply because of considering it as ‘too private to share’ and in that, limit our ability to open up and share with others what we are actually experiencing in our lives.

 

I also spent some time with my cousins, it’s been cool to walk a process of having been quite judgmental two years ago toward their teenage-years – I decided to establish communication with them within and it’s been cool the very few times that we get to see each other. I had fun while making some photos with them, at least that kept them away from simply being sitting around with iPhones and iPods on.  I also enjoyed being out of the city and spending time running around, taking pictures and talking with kids, teenagers and adults alike. That is what I see it’s actually fun now. I’ve learned so much just from being open to talk to people that I had thought ‘we had nothing to talk about’ in the past, such as an uncle, from whom I’ve learned about some of the gun policies here in Mexico, as well as the production of potatoes and all the pesticides they require in order to have the picture-perfect presentation, and how to know when meat contains this component that enables the tissue to retain water and once you fry it, the meat shrinks because all water is then evaporated. I was able to cross-reference some studies on milk as well with my cousin that is a biologist and soon also a psychologist, and it was quite cool.

We’ve become so image driven that even our food goes through extensive chemical processes in order to have the picture-perfect presentation – how abusive have we become to do this onto ourselves as our physical body and also do it onto our food, not really caring about the actual nutritional aspect of it once that it is genetically modified and sprayed multiple times throughout its growth only to get a ‘presentable’ potato.

 

Besides everything that I was able to learn just by this ‘openness’ that I have placed into action, I have realized how my perspective toward other people changes the moment that I stop judging them within the same ‘frame’ that I used to see them through. I have deliberately taken on the point of stopping the immediate judgment because this is something that I had known for some years, however for some reason the moment that I heard it from someone that had been judged indiscriminately while being on Earth like Gaddafi, it certainly shook my being to the core wherein I am definitely walking the application of stopping all automated judgment.

And this is the point that I wanted to get at here. It takes quite a diligent process to actually apply Self Honesty within our day to day living, it is so easy to slip into the mind at any given moment. However, experiences are not able to last for long.

 

 

denken

 


2012 The Unraveling

The process of Writing Yourself to Freedom is a self-revelation process that we can all apply in order to become aware of who and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become = getting to know ourselves within the starting point of actually supporting us to Live in Common Sense. Within this, the basic ingredient is Self Honesty as the starting point for this process is understanding that there are points that are required to be corrected and aligned within the principle of What’s Best for All within the realization of who we are as Equal and One as Life.

What I’ve discovered is that through writing I was able to see myself through words, just like a mirror of the ego wherein my choice of words as the ‘writing style’ was  what I could see myself playing out in, for example, the first vlogs that I made as part of this process. I was able to start seeing myself for the very first time, simply because I hadn’t ever recorded myself and definitely not for the purpose of self-revelation and self-correction. Though, the main point of support throughout this process has been writing wherein it becomes ‘The Point’ of assistance and support to ground ourselves through the Unraveling of the mind, it is that ‘backbone’ or skeleton structure that we can always go back to in order to ‘pour our mind out’ and within that, go disentangling what we perceive as this entire chaos within ourselves as all the thoughts that we have gave our breaths away to.

Let’s look at it like putting the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together again – lol which is something that has kind of intrigued me how we can be that ‘crazy’ to buy this as a form of entertainment, while we could have just bought the picture ‘as one’ already. However, we as the mind have complicated ourselves and divided us in these thousand-pieces that we then realize we have to put back together for the sake of realizing ourselves as ‘the whole picture.’ Within this process, one can relate to the patience required to go bit by bit putting the pieces back together to create the entire picture, yet having this yearning desire in the back of our head to ‘have the puzzle done.’

I mean, I walked this point of solving jigsaw puzzles and got to know this aspect of having this imminent desire to complete it/ get it done as fast as I could. However I realized that I was trying to ‘beat my own record’ and prove myself that I could do it or walk through my own desperate ways of ‘wanting to get everything done right away’ – yet I forgot how it was the actual process of ‘putting the pieces ‘back together’ that was the entire ‘gist’ of a jigsaw puzzle, otherwise I could have only bought a poster of the image and that’s it.

This is how I have come to understand this process as well, wherein at the beginning -and even at times still – we tend to want to ‘get it all done’ and within this miss out the entire point of it which is actually walking in space and time the self-realization process to see/ realize that ‘we are here,’ and we are learning how to see ourselves for the first time as creators of our reality, to debunk and demystify our existence that we thought –or liked to believe – it would have any form of ‘greatness’ embedded to it, instead of ever realizing that the simplicity – yet wholeness – of who we really are is what’s being missed every time that we tend to ‘go up in our head,’ trying to complicate ourselves, to exalt our idea of who we are because somehow we have linked all of these experiences as ‘being alive.’

We have compromised each other to have to ‘be something’ in this society. Have a look at the questions of ‘what are you/ what do you do?’ and in this already funneling down everything that we actually are to one single profession, one single gender, to a single idea of ourselves while in fact, who we are is much more than just a few words that can give another an ‘idea’ of who we are as our mind – not as the reality that we are as Life.

It is definitely so that we have set up the system wherein we are the only ones that have separated ourselves from the simplicity of seeing things as they are, instead of trying to embed something to it for the sake of creating a constant experience within ourselves according to a point of self-definition a.k.a. ego of the mind. Within this, it is to see how we have covered the simplicity of who we are with the entire ego as the mask/personality that becomes like a second skin that we believe is ‘who we are,’ yet protecting ourselves from even us realizing what/ how and who we really are, which in simplicity is here as a human physical body equal and one to any other being in this world.

The process of writing ourselves to freedom is unraveling this addiction or attachment that we have created on to everything that we have accumulated throughout our life – either in our minds as thoughts/ memories/ feelings/ emotions or as physical possessions, people, places – making of it only a collection of ‘items’ that we have defined as ‘who we are.’ We become so fixated on it that it almost seems impossible to even fathom who and what we will be without all of those threads woven on top of ourselves.

Each point that we apply Self Forgiveness for is like unraveling those threads and start de-weaving the entire cover that we have built on top of ourselves. It might seem quite ‘difficult’ to go through this as it is essentially having to deconstruct and tear down our ‘precious,’ an entire self-creation that we have created a relationship with for an entire lifetime. However, this doesn’t mean that it is impossible or even ‘too late’ which just reminded me of that I-so-late-shun video wherein the moment that we realize what we have become and there’s an idea of ‘there is no way out of it’ and that we are ‘too late to change’ or do anything to take Self Responsibility, the Isolation comes up as a form of accepting one’s ‘fate’ as immovable. It is then our duty to stop any form of backchat that could tell us: ‘it is not possible, it is too much, I will never get to do this’ or even ‘you cannot possibly forgive yourself for this.’

I can only speak from the time I’ve been walking this process and it takes time and a definitive ‘letting go’ of wanting to ‘become something’ or ‘achieve anything’ through writing that I am able to stand one and equal as the words I go realizing through walking this process. The moment that I force myself to it, the starting point is not being equal and one as myself and in that, there can only come a backfire to be reveal to me how I have ‘missed the point,’ simply because it is not to ‘better’ ourselves or ‘improve’ the idea that we have of who we are, but actually align ourselves to walk the understanding of what it is to support oneself as equal and one. It is within those moments that we actually learn and get to know who and what we have become to eventually Self-Forgive the points. As hard as it may seem at any point/stage within our process,  giving us this opportunity to stand up and forgive ourselves is the only way we can finally heal the point and move on to stand in an equal-stance toward ourselves, to no longer remain attached to a single idea and character of who and what we have become.

“The only person standing in your way: Is YOU”
– Bernard Poolman

I have learned so much of myself through this process, getting from an experience of constant insecurity, self doubt and belittling myself to a point of self acceptance and self-recognition to see what I am actually capable of being and standing as when I leave the mind-shit aside.  The fact that we seek recognition in another/ others reveals   to what extent we have denied ourselves as life, how we have basically considered ourselves as ‘non existent’ just because of a set of thinking patterns that we have believed is ‘who we are.’ This really ‘struck me’ at some point, because of how we have diminished ourselves within words as judgments that are not supportive for anyone in any way. How was I able to see and spot this? Through writing myself to freedom, through interacting with others in my reality, through reading and participating in the Desteni Forum wherein we share our realizations and learn how we have all in fact been programmed the exact same way, wherein we realize how each one just constantly sought to have the next ‘quick fix’ as any form of energetic kick in whatever form we would indulge ourselves in.

I have also learned from others as myself, we have gathered our blogs and have created almost an encyclopedia of the human mind for the first time, just because of how it is that we have in fact only now allowed us to speak ‘our truth’ as the reality that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become, yet kept ‘secret’ because of our own egos standing on the way of equality all this time.

Exposing ourselves might not seem like the mind’s favorite game, it is not nice or pretty – yet this is the foundation of what standing in Self Honesty is: daring to bring up that which had been only rotting as a corpse in the closet for ages, never daring to expose it because of the attachment that we had toward it – along with any other judgment toward the fact of having kept it there for such a long time – as weird as it may sound, it seems we all have this tendency to keep our strings attached to that which we know is not best for all, not beneficial. It is only when we Do take the necessary scissors in the form of writing and applying/ living Self-Forgiveness that we can start seeing the range of possibilities that we can stand as in Equality.

It’s fascinating how we have married ourselves to an idea of self, to our own religion, to our own mind and within this, reducing reality to a single system of words and pictures that we have impressed with values and worth as ‘who we are,’ which is unacceptable considering the actual reality we are disregarding in such selfish limited ‘view’ of ourselves and the world.

The unraveling is thus withdrawing from that constant fix that we have created for ourselves in whatever way we had chosen our ‘fix’ to be, which is linked to our ego/ personality as belief, ideas, feelings, thoughts – I mean, we can just look at our incessant ‘thinking’ and we’ll have a direct proof of how we have built ourselves up. Hence writing it out is precisely placing our entire programming/ pattern in front of ourselves – either on a piece of paper or our computer screen – and dare to face it all as our creation, and from here, take Self Responsibility for it using Self Forgiveness as a tool to become really specific on getting to know ourselves, using it as a shovel to make sure we dig out all that is deeply rooted within ourselves as self definitions.

This is how the idea of god or any other magical force around us must be debunked, as there was never any mysterious cause for how things are in this world, for who and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become.

For a moment it might seem like we are scared of now leaving everything we have known ourselves to-be behind, and I can say that this is just like any other addict that believes they cannot live without their fix – yes, it takes almost a withdrawal process wherein the symptoms are usually ‘wanting to give up’ or ‘not wanting to continue with this’ – without realizing that giving up is of the mind and that’s precisely what we are realizing here is Not who and what we really are.

Thus, we continue walking here – I have this tendency to apologize myself for talking/ writing too much, but it’s all that I had to say today after having heard a couple of interviews and discussing points with people that are also walking this process wherein all I can see is that ‘the only point that stands in our way is ourselves’ and within that, there is nowhere else to look for answers other than here, getting to know ourselves and will ourselves to live a self-corrective process to stand in Equality as Life.  I could not see myself doing anything else as this is the time where I can finally say I don’t have any more ‘questions’ around my existence, I don’t require to ‘know more’ about it, I just require to get myself to a point of equality as myself and within that, actually learn how to live and coexist as all that is here.

Never underestimate the power of our own words – we are here to Live them.

Suggest to Listen to:

2012: Is Hope an Illusion?

2012: World Transformation – The How-To
2010 Life is NOT an Experience

Why I would not want to be God (Part One) by Heath Ledger


Looking at Art–what is going on up there?

I went to a museum yesterday. I was originally planning on looking only at Ron Mueck’s sculptures, but ended up spending more time looking at two photography exhibitions.  I decided to write about this even though in my mind there are thoughts of ‘Oh you’ve written about this topic several times already,’ but I certainly require to debunk and expose for myself the exact thoughts experienced when looking at photographs. This is then to expose another part of the personality that I created for myself as a ‘sensitive person’ to images that I have defined as ‘art’ and experiencing at times that ‘no one could feel what I could feel’ when looking at an image. This was more prominent in the past and it was also experienced when listening to particular music or reading particular books – in essence when consuming another’s expression.

The ‘Artist’ personality

The memory that comes up and that I probably didn’t expose for myself yet was when I went to see Gabriel Orozco’s major exhibit in the Palacio de Bellas Artes here in Mexico City. I had recently became aware of his work back then which created or I created a great ‘rift’ within me in terms of his photographs, which was another form of comparing the stuff I was just ‘playing around with’ at that time with photography and how he had ‘already done it.’ After watching the entire exhibit that day, I went to the toilet and cried in the bathroom – why? I don’t know it was like a sense of everything I wanted to do is already done so ‘what the hell am I up for?’ That was during my first year of art school. He became this elusive idea of what I wanted to be, really successful and really wanting the kind of recognition that would enable me to share with the world my views and perspectives on life as there’s always been a desire to share with others how I see the world.

I met the guy one day because he went to my school to record some TV program about him, I even approached him as the ‘fan’ that I was and told him how his work had inspired me – but in fact it was more like being able to relate to how he views the world. Then I gave him some of my old tin boxes filled with dried peels of litchis and I asked someone to take a picture of us. Funny but he is certainly like the Mexican art rockstar and I felt even ‘cooler’ because he studied in my school. It all became irrelevant afterwards though.
I see that the pattern that plays out after visiting an art exhibit,  has been an ‘underlying’ experience that I hadn’t been able to pin point for myself then – this is in my mind not wanting to admit that I am comparing ‘my work’ to others and wondering ‘why am I not there on those walls as well?’

Part of my desires within art – as I’ve previously exposed – were that of recognition and so what emerges is really that resonant aspect that I have attached to ‘art.’ This has played out in a constant polarity coming-and-going point because I am well aware of how I made the decision to not participate in that, yet still having such thoughts coming up which is part of the inherent programming I had attached to ‘marlen as the artist’ which is a tag that makes me revolt a bit when I read it, which is just part of the aspects that we expose for ourselves to be able to walk the correction into equalization.

So, through this process I decided to not ‘seek’ such fame anymore, I stopped any effort to seek for places to show my work and focused on walking my own process. I see there has been also this constant ‘projected blame’ on to my own decision to ‘walk/dedicate myself to process and Desteni’ and leaving all things art aside, merely going to school and do what I had to do without giving it any further input into it, which is certainly required if you ‘wanna be someone’ within the art world. Though this blame is certainly only at a thought level because I wouldn’t be able to be standing in front of a canvass for hours every day pretending to be doing something ‘there’ while being absolutely disconnected from the world I live in ‘here’ – which is how I used to be living my life as an artist. It’s cool to see how this is just a thought-based reaction without really taking into consideration what this would mean in reality such as ‘dedicating myself to art full-time’ in terms of creating art in the most traditional ways. We can certainly direct art to be whatever we want it to be in terms of being able to support ourselves. I tend to be an absolutist within my life which is something I have to balance out to give myself proper time for everything and not just renounce to ‘the world’ for the sake of ‘only’ doing something and that’s it.

Going to Museums

There has been a pattern that comes up when ‘visiting museums,’ there is a point that ‘drives’ me to it which I simply haven’t been able to realize ‘why’ I go – It can be to get some sort of ‘inspiration’ which I’ve been calling feedback and simply seeing what is being created in the institutionalized art world; the other one is for the creation of the experiences which I am still ‘seeking’ to get from going to see art – that’s one of the points I can see is something I am not fully admitting because of perceiving that is dishonest- though it’s even more so to keep it secret even for myself.

Back to the Museum point. These two particular photography exhibitions were of Mexican photographers from the first half of the past century and the pattern that emerges when watching some of them is: ‘they’ve done it all already’ or ‘I do similar stuff, why aren’t my pictures on museums?’ or ‘why am I not famous?’ ‘Why haven’t I sold any images yet?’ – well, by this I mean in an actual art market.

Back to the point to debunk here:  I am in front of the image and I think ‘I’ve done stuff like this’ – comparison

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with a mental judgment to an image I am viewing and immediately link it to ‘my work’ wherein comparison emerges as a way of being able to ‘equate’ what I do to that which is considered ‘art’ and is inserted in such sphere/ category of ‘importance,’ ‘value’ and ‘admiration’ that I have given and imprinted to images within the context of a museum as ‘consecrated art’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder ‘why I am not there?’ which is a reaction that comes after comparing ‘what I do’ to what I see in museums and seeking my own benefit of  ‘being recognized/ admired’ through presenting photographs, just so that ‘I’ in the form of photographs could be looked at equal-to such artists which people have already placed in a pedestal, creating a sphere of respect and recognition around them, which is what I would aspire to get to as well.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that within comparing ‘what I do’ to others is in fact seeking to make myself ‘worthy’ at my own eyes, worthy at the eyes of others and seeking a form of validation through ‘stuff’ that I do which I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a wallowing point while ‘admiring’ someone’s work because I consider that ‘it’s been done, what am I doing then?’ – in this existing as the desire to be ‘special’ and ‘unique’ in terms of creating/ taking ‘unique’ pictures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give ‘value’ and ‘worth’ to something that I can conceive as ‘unique’ and ‘special’ within my own value-schemes which is nothing else but a make-believe system that supports no one, that is in fact not real and that cannot be of any support to who I really am as Life here.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to go into memories of people ‘recognizing my work’ back in the day and experiencing it as a ‘consolation’ to my self created defeatism the moment I am staring in front of the photograph, in means of ‘uplifting myself’ when seeing myself ‘diminishing’ me according to this process of comparing ‘my work’ to others’ work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this possession around ‘what I do’ as ‘my work’ and within this creating an entire personality and alternate reality of myself based on ‘what I do’ being ‘my own’ as something that defines me, that values who I am and that gives me some type of ‘self-worth’ which is in fact a creation outside of myself.

I stand in front of a photograph I like for whatever reasons I could find in the moment – light, textures, contrasts, topic which I usually coming from a point where I can ‘relate’ to it –  and what I see is wanting to ‘possess’ the picture, be the owner of it, being able to say ‘I took this’ and be proud of it/ feel good about it. This is really funny when writing it out because we can see it’s all ego bs, but it’s how it exists at the moment, so best to expose it for what it is so that I become aware of what plays out in the back of my head while watching these photographs, masking it/ overshadowing the initial experience and thoughts with ‘amazement’ and ‘profound attention’ which is me just trying to eat the whole thing up and make it ‘my own.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘possess’ and want to ‘own’ that which I believe  is superior to myself, that which I see is ‘better than me’ in order to be able to ‘control’ it and feel ‘equally-cool’ to it within my self-created schemes of value/ worth that are only relevant to myself in my mind and have no direct reference to myself in this reality where a picture is just  a picture and I am just an observer of that picture – end of story.

The point of debunking this entire sentimentalism experienced when ‘looking at art’ has been a point I’ve worked with for quite some time now. I remember talking about being a visual vicious almost at the beginning of my process, which is what I have been deliberately stopping in the sense of making everything ‘more than it is’ within my mind – but I still take photographs and I still run into these thoughts and participate within them. I’m not as obsessed as before, but it’s still playing out whenever I am placing myself in a room where all you have to do is look at videos and photographs and sounds that may accompany them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a sense of ‘despair’ whenever I am done looking at an image that I liked just because of me having wanted to be ‘the one’ that was there, hanging on a wall as a photograph. It’s all ego based certainly but there is also a desire to share and to ‘make others feel what I feel’ which is also personality-based and won’t ever be ‘real’ in terms of all experiences being but a mind creation.

In essence in terms of photographs is just presenting reality to another from a certain perspective, it shouldn’t be any different to anything else like reading, looking at our environment, watching TV or any other thing we do with our eyes = no added ‘value’ or ‘worth’ within that and just take reality for what it is – they can either be supportive or not, it’s not about comparing myself to each word/ image as words just like images and this world in its entirety is just here and we can only use them as tools to express and convey a message without trying to make of the message something ‘profound,’ or seeking to ‘touch the core of the being’ with it which is what I tried to do somehow in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project on to ‘what I do’ my own desire for recognition and desire to please others wherein I wanted people to experience what I was experiencing within me, I wanted to make others ‘see what I saw/ how I saw it’ for the sake of creating a sense of ‘relationship.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to ‘connect’ with others without realizing I haven’t even gotten to know myself completely which is the primary point of connection/ self-recognition that I actually sought for within beginning an art-career.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a desire to ‘connect’ with others without allowing me first to ‘connect with myself’ as the point of self-acceptance and self-revelation wherein I stop seeking others to ‘confirm’ who I am and give ‘value’ to it, but instead I walk the process to get to know myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek ‘freedom’ through creating art in separation of myself instead of realizing that getting to know myself and creating myself is the actual freedom one can give oneself in this lifetime.

When it all began….

Memory pops up – when I began painting, I did a bunch of stuff and would keep it to myself. I created an ‘msn group’ to share them with some friends I had in the internet back then whose opinions ‘mattered’ to me in the sense of them being also into writing or music. I became then more ‘aware’ of the paintings having an impact on others, this is probably the moment where I started making of these drawings and paintings something ‘more’ because they started getting recognition and admiration from others. The moment that I showed it in ‘real life’ to my friends, they would also like it and appreciate it  the same way, which began creating a certain ‘fulfillment’ within me after I had only expressed myself in what I deemed the ‘cheapest way possible’ in a literal sense of what that implies. Yes money is also part of the limitations to create art obviously.

When watching some of the photographs at the museum  – besides the entire inner tantrum of ‘why aren’t my pictures here?/ why am I not recognized?’ there is this desire to want those people to see what I do and probably get equal recognition from them. This is probably why meeting such ‘artist’ I mentioned earlier and giving him the link to my blog seemed like something pertinent to do – lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be recognized by the people that I have deemed as ‘superior’/ ‘good’/ ‘masters’ in what they do so that I could have a ‘space’ next-to-them wherein I see and realize I have been keeping a sense of value and worth upon people wherein I become my own measuring point to ‘become like them,’ but from the ‘seeking fame/ recognition’ perspective to eventually ‘out do them.’

This is my own capitalist mind in the form of ‘innocent values’ attached to images and art creation – fascinating because as much as I could have criticized the exorbitant prices that art-pieces are sold for, I have been giving them just the same type of value and superiority according to my own schemes of what they are worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be devaluing or not valuing myself which is the inferiority play out whenever I react and seek ‘recognition’ from what I perceive as ‘great artists’ and ‘great people’ which is another way of wanting to manipulate the world to suit my needs and desires of being recognized.

There is nothing wrong within taking someone as an example – yet the point is being aware of how to stand equal-to that instead of creating an entire comparison point wherein we try to either ‘equate’ ourselves to the person from the ego perspective, to eventually ‘out do’ them or actually supporting ourselves to become more effective in what we do, whatever the action/ doing is about.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to look at art unconditionally from people that are ‘famous’ = recognized by the system, and instead accessing a projected valuing-system wherein I become the measuring point in relation to them wherein I am comparing myself to others’ creations and from there, assessing ‘how good/ bad I am’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually go to museums and watch photographs not from the entire starting point of ‘self enjoyment’ and self-reflection, but as an actual measuring point in terms of ‘where I stand’ in comparison to them.

This brings up a memory of a point that I could identify myself with when watching the movie ‘Pollock’ who was btw the first painter that really got me into wanting to paint. He appears saying one of his ‘famous’ quotes: ‘Fuck Picasso! he’s done it all’ while being drunk as hell. That’s the same I could experience in that moment when reacting emotionally to seeing the work of artists and comparing myself to them.

Funny because I had deemed myself not as an ‘artist’ but as someone that paints, takes photographs, draws and makes some videos for the sake of enjoyment. But when it comes to relating to ‘other artists,’ the self definition comes up and what is existing then is this desire to be  ‘at the same height.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use humbleness as a mask to cover up my own desires for recognition – no wonder polarity is such a fuck up really, both poles perpetuate one another.

When watching these photographs and video by Suter other points emerged – besides the ‘I’ve made a video just like that, I have a photo just like that’ points, the money aspect came up. I read all the institutions and sponsors of his work which gives me an idea of how he’s able to print photographs on gesso or use massive copper plates as the media for his photographs. He reminded me of another artist from Colombia which became part of another ‘downfall’ at that time in terms of discovering artists and being ‘profoundly  touched’ by their work- lol whatever that meant at that time which is something along the lines of becoming emotional, I would cry about these type of things like ‘being too sensitive’ for the world  and using photographs as a way to make others see what I saw, wanting to be ‘understood’ without realizing that only mind systems seek for recognition, seek to be understood and ultimately seek to be ‘special’ or ‘different to the rest of the people’ due to such ‘view’ on life.

All about the same personality traits.

So, I’ve opened up the point here which is a superiority/inferiority mechanism that is triggered when comparing myself to others that I deem as ‘good’ at something, this can be extended to virtually everything and it can only be ego based wherein I am judging myself, my expression and what I do and then projecting it in comparison to another’s expression and abilities, which is literally wanting to run a race against ‘air’ itself because it’s all based on mental schemes of what is of value and worth in relation to others. A reverend mindfuck indeed.

Coming back Here

This is something that I had written out last Saturday and left it ‘hanging’ for a while because of perceiving that I had opened up a ‘vast’ point and that it required a major re-cap to continue, which I realized now when I got myself ‘back to it’ that it was all a mind creation of it, just as everything else that I perceive is ‘too much’ and ends up being nothing else but a mere idea of it being ‘too much’ in my mind.

I went to another museum yesterday, this time being more aware of being driven by the general material that has been emerging around this particular exhibit which is what caught my attention. This time I got to see stuff that was challenging the current accepted concepts of identity, economy, society and the general names we’ve given to everything in this world, turning it all into something very obvious to see and become aware of once that you get a proper read of the work – which is something that I still doubt happens in its totality as a form of becoming an educational tool. I see this ‘flaw’ in these type of conceptual works, you require a certain reference and knowledge to be able to ‘get it’ otherwise it remains as an intellectual non-comprehensible joke.

At least this time this exhibition showed more of an overall reflection on the current system we’re living in which is something that must definitely be expanded as a general activity of us human beings living in this current context, starting questioning it to see how we have configured it this way.

This brings us back to the point of self-creation as being our own work of art wherein we redefine art to the actual creation of ourselves as Equals wherein non of this entire value-system mindfuck will be able to exist because it’s all been inherently linked to an entire star-system in the art world wherein only a ‘selected few’ get to be ‘on top of the world’ and getting all the money and recognition while the rest are left outside of the circuit in its entirety.

This entire system we’re living in is based on competition which is linked to the money system in all ways as well, therefore this will become an obsolete aspect once that we are able to live and express regardless of any specific ‘framework’ of reference such as the ‘art world,’ we’ll be able to create and live and use art as a point of self-reference instead of making of it an entire ‘entity’ of ‘our own’ that can be compared and valued when placed against others and go to the extent of ‘valuing’ ourselves according to how it is judged/ perceived by others. Individuality will not be a synonym of specialness, uniqueness as the usual connotations of value/ worth we’ve attached to it, but as an equal-existent expression within its own set of conditions that cannot possibly be ‘the same’ for all individuals, yet equally able to express and create as there will be no limit to this in the form of a savage monetary system that is currently nullifying the ability to express for many beings in this world.

Suggested read: the picture world and self expression
Transforming Art from Mind Occupation to Self Expression
 

Art should be...


‘Reality-Insight and not Mind-feeling’

“All experience is always judgment” – Bernard Poolman

experience
n    noun
1    practical contact with and observation of facts or events.
2    knowledge or skill gained over time.
3    an event or activity which leaves a lasting impression.
n    verb encounter (an event or situation). Øfeel (an emotion).

 

If we understand that we are currently walking-experiences, we can see that everything that we go through is assessed by the mind as an experience – Life is Not an Experience yet we are currently walking as mind-created experiences wherein we can simply stop identifying ourselves as the feeling/emotion/judgmental experience and instead SEE through practical living-application how we can go living ourselves as a point of change – yes, it will still be a mind-perception of yourself yet it will be a more physical experience wherein no more backchat is directing the reality but simple physical living interaction – this is what we’re walking.

 

How we use the tools is to identify ourselves as the experience that we’ve become of thoughts, emotions and feelings and as we go stopping we will still experience ourselves in a certain manner as we are currently existing as mind consciousness systems that assess and value everything according to one’s established parameters – we’re establishing parameters that are aligned with what’s best for all in common sense which certainly creates a guideline of how we are able to practically physically live and still experience ourselves yet not clogged and stuffed with emotions and feelings and useless thoughts, but instead allow ourselves to stand equal to the mind to direct ourselves. That’s what’s here as ourselves hence we direct us to the best possible outcome that’s livable/ walkable in this reality through direct realization of it being in fact so.

 

This is how we realize that all knowledge must go, that all past perceptions as experiences of ‘who we are’ must be self forgiven and let go of because all of them are holds that keep the system in place – we are the system and unless we stop feeding the same constructs and walking in absolute directive principle, we’ll re-create the same patterns over and over again which is in essence recreating the past of self-enslavement with no self-direction consideration.

 

 

“the price that must be paid for our blindness due to experiences” – Bernard Poolman

We’ve disregarded life while wallowing in our mental diseases that we’ve accepted as ‘human nature’ as ‘our life experience’ – this is only one of the reasons why giving up the mind is giving up the actual harm and abuse imposed on to life – it’s only fair that we’ve got to walk now from the consequences of such continued disregard to what is here as ourselves while existing as the helmets on the head.

 

It’s clear that the physical body doesn’t ‘experience’ knowledge or values/ judgments upon comparison, worth imposed over things and people – all of that is but mind-creations, huminds creations that we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to wallow in. The physical just IS:

“The physical -has no agenda, need to know nothing, is already in full design, and live as it breathes, as it eats, as it fucks, as it touch. The mind – has judgments, reasons, meanings, laws about everything -without actually understanding anything.” – Bernard Poolman

So physical-experience is still an experience yet has nothing to do with the mental schemes of values/worth/judgments that we impose on to that which functions as a vital system – the physical is a vital system that doesn’t require us to ‘think’ to function – example is how body digests and absorbs nutrients without us having to direct a single thing of that process, we’re not even aware of how it all takes place, that’s proof of how detached we are of our own physical body.

 

“mathematics shows that if one follow common sense and NOT experience–we can change the world”
– Bernard Poolman

So, in terms of participation in reality, we’ve got to stick to the physical cross-reference of ourselves, to remain here as breath to simply stop feeding our ‘life as an experience’ and simply walk here with the necessary points to be done.

 

We’ve discussed how the mind-experience is still overriding common sense living which is the physical living wherein everything is ‘there’ for all to see. An experience is only experienced by each one, it’s ‘invisible’, it takes place in the mind of each one – that’s how we’ve lived as separate bubbles as our thoughts, just this globe on our heads that no one sees yet we know ‘it’s there’, creating an alternate experience of what’s Here as our physical body that lives, that exists in simplicity.

 

“when you die–the experience abruptly ends” – BP

So, the point to realize here is that we cannot just stop ourselves being an experience as that would imply we’d have to die – as the above quote presents – so what’s practical here to do? We simply direct ourselves to be living here as the physical, to breathe in and out to literally heal ourselves from all the damage we’ve done to this world, to ourselves as our physical body poisoned by all our mind back-chatter. It is insane that we’ve lived as constant self-abuse machines without ever even pondering if that was ‘natural’ to do – yes, our “human nature” is severely fucked up and not at all in harmony with the physical.

 

Human nature as experience

We can then see how it’s been a HUGE Lie from our world system to identify that the glorious thing about humanity was to possess a mind to think, feel, experience, etc – that is the very thing that allowed us to get into our EGO of the mind and thus possess this world through the marvelous Machiavellic existence as Egos that want to conquer and dominate everything and everyone.

Is that what we want to remain like?

No, absolutely not.

 

So, hereby I express how I am not willing to second the mind in its own glorification, survival and regurgitation – that has simply created hell on Earth and I’d like to quote Bernard once more because these words must be heard everywhere possible:

 

“Ego is the acceptance as self as superior to others in truth and thus the allowance of chaos to find an angle with which to screw all competition till only the ego version of truth remains — then the ego were right and for this, the ego will destroy the planet” – Bernard Poolman

 

We’re walking as all of these points, we are supporting ourselves to become effective in simply stopping ourselves from living as walking-experience and instead get us into a living-physical reality wherein no backchatter exist as directive principle and prime influence over ourselves dictating our experience as ‘who we are’.

We are experiences walking into the living reality – and this is how we’ll continue walking because we see, realize and understand how the humind motivated by internal back-chat has created the current system to be of such abusive and unequal nature, we have seen how the humind in search for new experiences has lead this entire world to the brink of destruction while trying to ‘experience more’ and ‘get more’ which has become the drive for all human action.

 

So from here one when we share ourselves, we’ve got to make sure that we speak from direct-seeing here as part of our physical amalgamation to the reality that is HERE physical and not only sharing the reaction that is mostly emotional/feeling based according to past-patterns that exist as the mind –  as Sunette pointed out

‘Reality-Insight and not Mind-feeling’

 

When we are existing in our mind we are only caring for our personal fulfillment of the idea that we’ve become, we don’t consider the totality of reality that is here as ourselves. By exerting a single opinion or judgment upon this world, we are in fact supporting the existence of such judgment as part of the reality we live in. We’ve become so used to criticize and point-fingers at ‘others’ instead of actually simply dedicating ourselves to STOP from remaining as complaining systems instead of being in fact the solution to all this humind distortion of reality: stopping ourselves from participating in thoughts, feelings, emotions = stopping existing as the mind and start living as the physical.

 

We’ve got to stop living as the Illusion – the ill-uses we’ve placed as value/worth on to what is simply here – it is a constant addiction to seek experiences in everything, everyone out of virtually anything – even if it’s something as simple as going out we tend to seek to have an experience out of it, out of watching nature, sometimes even creating a mental experience of breathing ! lol that’s in essence how meditation works, quite a mental job indeed.

 

So, we’re all here learning how to actually in-fact live, this is the process – we’re all in this together at the same level and so we simply are here to walk and live and share and support ourselves within it.

This is where we’re currently at walking as a group of people that are willing themselves to live and let go/stop/terminate all the illusion of this world – that’ll in essence will eventually expand to changing the current world system as part of this realization on physical-tangible living wherein no more super imposed caps exist on life.

 

No more mental-limitations to what is HERE as Life.

 

Let’s continue breath-walking


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