There are times when what one is doing toward any form of change doesn’t seem to be enough at all, in fact it can even be perceived as counterproductive or judged by others as useless or harmful. I’ve faced patterns of general ‘alienation’ in relation to seeing a genuine way in which one can create an effect for others as well, but I guess that the point missed is that in focusing too much on ‘doing it out there’ the ‘in here’ is left out of the picture, and what I mean by ‘in here’ is seeing where I am not supporting myself to the point of being the normal stable support for myself and so for others.
What happens is that I started focusing too much ‘out there’ only and being taken aback by the reality of many that are genuinely suffering. We know this world is in dire straits, it is our creation and consequence therefore, we cannot really ‘do much’ about it alone – we have to stand together in a similar stance and perspective to get to fine tune the solutions for the reality we have all co-created. Sometimes witnessing all the suffering in various bits and places and through news, documentaries, personal stories etc. make you want to simply drop everything and just cry like a baby for hours end. I experienced this recently as I had done before, and seeing others going through the same only reminds me that we can never really bring any ‘change’ with more sadness, suffering or emotional outbursts: that certainly does nothing. If anything these experiences are not meant to be judged either, but rather using them as a time to introspect what kind of situations one has allowed to be ‘piled up’ and accumulated to the point where one simply explodes when something apparently ‘bigger’ triggers it all. I’ve noticed I’ve been sighing a lot, as if there was some extra effort in doing things as well, even though I keep at everything, sometimes there’s a perceived ‘loss of meaning to doing things.’
Why would I lose a ‘meaning’ on it? Well because the focus was too ‘outwardly’ shifted instead of first ensuring I can be supporting myself, having clarity on who I am, what I stand for and as such with such inner-stability be able to direct myself in such clarity in my usual doings. The thing is that, when one allows oneself to be affected too much by what’s going on outside, one then becomes part of the drama that takes you down misery lane and it’s kind of hard to get out of it as one keeps repeating the images, the information that created the experience of hopelessness, powerlessness in the first place. First point is to not become a victim of information only and creating an experience about it, but rather understand that we become part of the pile of junk if we keep ourselves in the same gloomy self experience
I know this is a common point for many, specifically those that can conceive themselves as being ‘over sensitive’ about things, which doesn’t mean ‘you care more’ but simply one actually allows oneself to take what’s on the outside and ‘process it’ or ‘digest it’ as something that becomes an internal emotional experience. The world doesn’t need more sufferers, more depressed people or people that have no hope even in their own lives: world needs individuals that can see, understand the problem, that can recognize the responsibility we hold to it and from there seek to join forces with others on the same track so as to create an actual network of solutions and support, THAT is what the world needs. “God hates a coward” is the title of a song, lol, I’d say Life hates a coward and if one is not truly willing to Stand up for Life and do all that it takes, then one becomes part of the problem, part of the ‘giving up’ ones of which the death realm is filled with, I bet.
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Times like these are also cool to see where am I giving into other pleasures or plain laziness, where do I refuse to keep expanding myself, where have I become stagnant in my own self support and development? Am I doing enough for myself or do I then make of the world the reason for my own confusion, alienation and general ‘loss of meaning’ in everything which is another way to sugar coat a plain lack of insight and seeing direct as to what it is that I need to put my motivation back on.
I’ve been there many times before and it is also true that these hardly engrained patterns that I cultivated for many years won’t be wiped out overnight, it is a continuous process over years until they are no more at all, and more so to learn how to stand up from them every time, to keep doing what one has to do and keep going even if it ‘feels’ like feeding a dead horse… it’s about diligence and consistency and also as Nick Cave says: keep on pushing the sky away, to not wish to be dead and so ‘out of the mess of this world’ and going into extreme anger or apathy or general despair because all of these are only experiences, they too shall pass = they can be worked on an overcome them as we created them.
I would mostly suggest to flag point for myself whenever these experiences come up and instead of going down the memory lane of suffering and why the world is miserable, see directly: what am I resisting to do? Where am I procrastinating my change of ‘experience’ toward something in particular? If I am fed up with the state of the world, then I don’t have to make it my own ‘fedupness’ toward my own life and anything that I do in it. Again, takes some courage to see directly, and the faster the better otherwise one single ‘fall’ if not looked at for some time, can make one feel like one is dragging one’s dead body around, even while trying to act/be normal: we always know when there’s something ‘going on’ within us, and if it’s not health-related then we must know that there is something ‘up there’ that I still want to hold on to and justify one’s experience with.
In past week I came to the conclusion that there can be no real happiness in this world unless we eradicate all fear, all suffering, all hatred, all anger, all abuse in this world – no matter if you have the ‘perfect life’ with the necessary money and giving yourself some treats here and there, it is meaningless, it is shallow, it is pointless because as long as I know there is people that haven’t been ‘fortunate’ enough to have what I have, my ‘happiness’ is a self-interested experience. So, realizing this doesn’t make your life more cheerful or gleeful either, but it grounds you to see what one is focusing on/paying attention to and what one plans to do with one’s life altogether.
From my perspective, as I’ve said it many times, I will do and be with that which is the most supportive for life on Earth, no matter how ‘futile’ it might seem, how questionable sharing something in the vast sea of the internet and endless roads of information can be: I choose to contribute to the growth and support of everyone else that is willing to do the same for themselves than being part of the endless queues that want to desert out of life, which they too would have to be understood as a consequential outflow of all of us not having done enough to give everyone a decent reason to live. I decide to do this for myself and so for any other person that can benefit from it.
So, a clear decision is always a lifetime decision – there can be fogs at times and that is ok, it is a momentary reassessment that can take a few days, but eventually it is really so that No One can ‘pull you out of it’ unless You Decide to Walk Out of it Yourself. It is a Doing, not a Thinking.
Let’s keep walking.
PS. Artwork and photograph not by me
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