Tag Archives: worry as care

February 9, 2017

502. From Feeling Sorry to Owning our Consequences

By Marlen

Or what does it reveal about me to ‘feel sorry for others’ and how to turn it into a supportive point of change in me

There’s this experience that I have noticed as one of those very ingrained aspects of myself where feeling sorry for another becomes a way to create a form of ‘care’ – again, lol – that is definitely not supportive and relies on diminishing the potential and capacity of others to stand up for themselves and own their creation.

What does it reveal about myself to pity or feel sorry for others? It is the acceptance and allowance of self-pity within myself, where even if I cannot spot it existing as ‘who I am’ currently, it has been an ingrained aspect of going into an inferiority, a victimization, a ‘sorry for me’ type of experience that I can definitely see very much ‘there’ in relation to myself in the past, which I have been projecting onto others that I have associated to be similar to ‘me in the past’ and thus wanting to create a form of empathy or support that ends up compromising not only myself but the other person I ‘feel sorry for’ or believe is being ‘unfairly treated’ or is going through some kind of ‘injustice.’

This ‘feeling sorry’ for another is defined by the character that wants to ‘save’ another for example from certain circumstances or consequences in their life where I for example decide to completely stand as a pillar for them to stand up and in doing so, not really questioning: what am I actually doing when considering that the other person is genuinely incapable of taking self-responsibility or standing up for themselves?

This is where we develop relationships with other people based on self-compromise. Example, if there are consequences or situations that have been experienced by them in their lives, it is also part of their creation and what they have to own as their life, their actions and inactions, their decisions – which is exactly what I’ve learned to do with myself and my own life, to not diminish my capacity in any way to be able to change and do the necessary work to change in the possibilities that I have in my reality.

Of course here I am talking about people that are already having the basics to live and have all the means to create ways to support themselves –  even more so, there are truly disempowered people in this world that even in very real worst case scenarios push and stand up through the worst of the situations, which also allowed me to place into context my kind of ‘sorry’ and ‘worry’ which has been a life-long patter – up to now and that I am committing and deciding to stop here – which has led to compromise within myself and others.

There is one point missed at times which is that even if we support another and they decide that there’s a willingness to support themselves as well, there is one step from having the intent or even ‘will’ to do it and actually living them and that’s where even if one can temporarily stand as a point of support for another, it does have to get to the point where each one must stand by themselves completely and this potential exists in all of us human beings and we know it because every person is always an individual and no matter how much you want to stand as a point of support for another, it’s always up to another to own their creation and stand up for themselves.

Here looking at ‘sorry for others’ as well in the context of consequences that a person has actually created in their lives, where I can also go into the belief that things just ‘happen’ to others instead of seeing how there is always a point of acceptance and allowance for that point to exist in their/our lives. Here is where I have to see how I can still go into thinking that some things in this world are ‘unfair’ to people instead of completely taking responsibility for it all, for we are all in fact one and equal.  

Yet I forget that consequences and facing real harsh consequences can be the most supportive thing, not can be, they are in fact the most supportive things we can have whenever we haven’t yet been able to see the effects of our creation, of our participation in our mind and so in our actions. We have taught ourselves to ‘fear consequence’ yet, it is precisely through fearing that we neglect taking the actions to change something and in the end, we create that which we feared only to then be able to face it and stand through it to realize how much we led to a consequential outcome just because we feared something, without questioning the fear itself in the first place.

‘Feeling sorry’ for another is another dimension of implying that I am in fact diminishing the other person from being able to own their creation, I am creating an experience toward them that sort of confirms their inability to ‘stand up for themselves’ while I know they are also capable, because I have done it for myself as well and so if I have done it, so can you, so can anyone. In other words, the best way to assist another person is precisely to not feel sorry for them or to go into an experience of ‘worry as care’ as I’ve shared in previous blogs, because that’s completely futile as real support.

Sometimes what’s required is what is commonly perceived as ‘tough love’ where allowing a person to face consequence is the best way to genuinely support another, to learn what it means to make a decision and live it fully into its completion, into a full creation where we can face what we’ve done, become and take responsibility for it from beginning to end – this is not about good or bad – but about experiencing what is the result and outcome of a continued participation in a particular intent, thoughts, experiences, plans, etc. And also to see what it means to face consequences based on actions or inactions that were truly in one’s hands to do and work on. 

So I decide to instead of ‘feeling sorry’ for others to rather first recognize their creation, their outcome as who they have been up to that point wherein no matter how ‘lost’ one may seem in the mind, there’s always this one moment of making a decision to feed the conflict or stop it and find ways to change. And here thus, it’s more honorable to break up a delusion of ‘being sorry for others’ as any form of care, and in my case rather integrate the realization that real care is the one that would show you the way in which you can face your creation, your consequences in a supportive manner, but preventing oneself from consequence is definitely only perpetuating self-abuse, a perpetual immaturity in living potential because that’s how we’ve ended up creating our gods, our authorities as parents, governments and the rest of it, where we then learn to blame when things go wrong and throw tantrums and create self-pity and victimization, instead of learning to stand up, review all the steps of our creation and own every step of it to the point of being able to fully recognize ‘this is me, I’ve done this, I’ve become this, therefore I can change’ because again, doing this is then empowering for each other, it’s what real freedom is from my perspective.

This is then a personal note whenever wanting to go into ‘feeling sorry’ or ‘pitying another’ to remind myself of owning our creations, learning from our consequences which is a very specific process for each one of us, of course according to our creation and that’s how we can also make of consequences a gift to see where we had to stand up in our lives, what we had not yet learned about ourselves and our capacity yet, where we still have to fine-tune our resolve in certain points of change – it’s all part of the process and so not to judge oneself or others for it and fall into an emotional experience for it, but stand up and learn from it.

In any case all I can ever do is assist others to realize the gift of owning our consequences, of the necessity of consequences many times for us to wake up from our slumber and also to learn to see these outcomes and outflows as our creation that we can change from now on, to not be defined by it but rather focus on learning how to stand up from it and make that be our strength and not a perpetual weakness.

Thanks for reading.

 

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1 Comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in concern, Conflicts, deception, Deconstruction of Self, facing consequence, Self Expansion, Self-Responsibility

February 1, 2017

495. Debunking Worry as Care

By Marlen

Or how to stop being a worrywart: a person who worries too much or who worries about things that are not important 

I described myself today as this because I’ve noticed how I’ve connected a sense of ‘worry’ to the word ‘care’ wherein I’ve learned to believe that the way to care about others is through worrying about them or if I ‘care about the world’ then I should worry about it all the time. Well, that’s one of the reasons why I ended up in continuous experiences of ‘feeling down’ because I have made it an automated mode in myself to over-think, over-analyze things too much wherein ultimately in an attempt to care and consider for others, for things happening in reality, for consequences that we can touch, breathe, eat every single day I attach too many thoughts around it all, which lead me to a situation of worrying about everything.

And the interesting thing is that I had not identified it as ‘worry’ per se, but today I was simply walking on my way back home and I saw a mother with a kid coming out of the pre-school and started walking in front of me. So this is more or less how thoughts went in my head: the kid was drinking something that I immediately judged as ‘unhealthy’ due to all the colors and tetra-pack it came in – and the kid was wearing a sweater in what I perceived as scorching hot sun, which I considered as a ‘neglectful thing to do’ from the mother towards the kid’.  I interpreted that the mother probably didn’t have money to buy him something healthier to drink, I assumed that the kid had no voice of his own to just take it off by himself; I interpreted that his pants were too long so that they can ‘last longer’ and so mother doesn’t have to go spending more on him every time the child grows, I assumed that they are having money-worries.  I interpreted that she is probably holding him that forcefully because she is pressured by lack of money, by her work, having to rush in some kind of ‘special permit’ at work to pick up her son, not being able to be a stay at home mother probably, yet talking to him that way, I interpreted that she probably didn’t even want to have the child in the first place = I worry about the kid, I worry about the future he will become as part of our society, what kind of ‘citizen’ he’ll grow to be and worry that this is the same story repeating a million times in this country and world and so multiply ‘his experience’ into that of millions worldwide.

Yeah, no kidding, hello! Welcome to Marlen’s thoughts throughout a couple of minutes of walking behind a woman and her son. Now, in my mind this is like ‘a usual thing’ where I observe and ‘compose’ an entire series of assumptions and stories wherein I try to make sense of what I may perceive as ‘forceful movements’ or ‘the kind of clothes they wear’ or the way they are speaking to each other and in essence, all these stories usually end up in tragedy in my head, I worry for that moment upon seeing them that the child will end up lost in drugs and doing something he never wanted to do in his life… and if I look at ‘who I am’ in this moment is essentially worrying, worrying, worrying and believing that ‘I care’ for others when I do all of these interpretations.

And this is something I’ve been more directly observing as of late because I haven’t really made it a point to consider how Exhausting it is to go seeing everything and everyone through the eyes of ‘it’s all a consequence, it’s fucked because it’s our creation and we’ve fucked up within ourselves, therefore what we see and every single thing that happens here is just ‘wrong’ because of that’  And in a way sure it has allowed me to no longer see the lives of everyone and the reality we live in as something that was ‘done onto ourselves’ but I push to see it as our collective creation. However, this still doesn’t have to come with a pinch of worry and sadness or temporary ‘low’ upon seeing reality, because I can ultimately choose and decide Who I Am in the face of it all, and worry is certainly not something that will change anything, it doesn’t make me care more because ‘caring’ cannot be something I give to every single person and bit of reality I encounter in front of my eyes, it’s not practical, it’s not common sensical or possible to do.

This is also one of the reasons why I became a bit too emotionally involved in seeing certain disruptions in my reality at the beginning of last month as well, where a part of me wants to ‘feel’ the worry and concern because of associating this with care.

When I see the words worry and worrywart, I can associate it with both sides of my family, my aunts on both sides especially and my grandmother and my own mother and my own sisters… lol like a female design of worry, worry, worry as a sign of care and it’s not needed, it only truly deviates myself from the potential that exists in everything and everyone and instead I keep focusing only at the level of ‘seeing the problem’ and participating in the problem through me spending those breaths of life Worrying about it all, so:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate the action of worrying with that of care towards others, making it a sign of understanding or solidarity, when in fact worry does nothing to actually assist me in sorting something out in reality nor does it assist me in actually changing my emotional experience, therefore I commit myself to stop, breathe and ‘swipe’ the thought and experience of worry about everything and everyone that I see, which means stopping seeing through the eyes of despair or problems everywhere and instead decide to first stop the judgments I tend to add towards the reality that I see and instead, assist myself to focus on the potential, how the consequences could be prevented, how outcomes can be supported or ameliorated, yet beginning with myself by ensuring I do this without becoming emotional about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the experience of worry as a ‘natural way of looking at people and this world as a whole’ wherein I have made myself believe that there is no other way to look at this world, people and reality but through the eyes of worry, despair, pointlessness as momentary flicks of attention given to ‘the problem’ instead of me focusing on the solution as myself by stopping worrying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my nature is that of ‘being too caring’ towards others wherein in my mental equation of ‘caring’ = worrying, I’ve become the embodiment of ‘constant worry’ which is also what I got to see in my facial expression in many videos in the past that I recorded where my face denotes worry, fear, sadness and it is nothing else but the condensation of this ‘auto-mode’ that I’ve fueled and created as ‘who I am’ in those seemingly fleeting moments where ‘nothing’ seems to happen yet I am seeing/observing people, reality around me and reading a bit too much into everything, taking myself to a level of worry and concern based on my own interpretations, my own assumptions that I project onto people and everything around me, which serves nothing and no one really. I am not practically making the world or others’ lives better by me making stories of suffering and despair around them as the reason ‘why’ I see them in this or that way.

I realize that I have tended to wear the worrywart filters on my eyes for far too long and that means I have made it almost a ‘natural state’ and condition in me, to assess everything through the eyes of worry, suffering, despair, sadness, enslavement… but reality just is, people just are what they are and I have to practically stop reading ‘into’ others for the sake of feeding this worrywart view of mine about virtually everything and anything in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to learn from the females in my family and extended family that worrying is a natural thing to do when caring about someone which is how I’ve developed this worry-care in my head in an attempt to make myself aware of others’ problems and hardship, but even in doing this, it can be done and looked at in a sober manner where I don’t have to emotionally invest myself in worrying about it as in being emotionally affected by it, but learning to see things objectively, for what they are, because I now realize that worrying is not the same as care and real care would be to actually practically assist the people or that situation to a better outcome – if it is in my capacity and ability to do so, because I cannot go practically changing ‘the world’ based on what I may see or assess about other people’s situation or the condition of a particular environment and pretend I can do things alone to change it. I have to be common sensical in this and be able to let go of my thoughts of worry about something, and rather apply care first toward myself by caring for myself, my body and not generating emotional and mental burdens at any given moment.

I saw this today as well where first I saw one pigeon walking next to us when entering one place and the next moment when we’re out, bam, there’s a pigeon squished on the pavement. I got worried about it instantly, as a form of ‘care’ but seriously, there was nothing I could do to prevent it, and so my worry and care are useless once that the consequence is there.

So I commit myself to look at reality with a different pair of eyes, wherein I first focus on me stopping my worrywartness experience and instead learn to see objectively how there’s a plethora of things that are out of my hands to prevent or directly change in their nature or outcomes, but I can focus entirely on myself, stopping existing in worry as fears or imagining ‘the worst’ in any moment and so stopping becoming that expression myself, because I realize it supports no one, it doesn’t assist me to grow or become a better person either, doesn’t make me more ‘considerate’ either, because worry is an emotional experience and consideration is a regard, a moment where I can acknowledge something without the added emotion into it. And that’s what I can focus on developing within myself: sticking to common sense and stopping seeing through the veil of worry as care.

So here looking at the word ‘preoccupy’ as a similar word to worry and also in Spanish ‘preocupar’ contains the words pre-occupy as ‘before or prior to occupying’ which is precisely indicating how futile it is to worry about something instead of directly occupying oneself in doing the things that we have to get to or do, and in this context my immediate self-responsibility is that of not participating or entertaining thoughts that usually lead to projecting, imagining and assuming a lot that goes on through the ‘worry’ experience, therefore I have to focus back on myself, precisely on not feeding this experience and instead seeing reality objectively, in stability, understanding the consequences, acknowledging the outcomes without emotional investment.

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