Tag Archives: writer

169. Imagination as a Distraction to Not Do things

When it comes to walking the procrastination character in relation to imagination, I could see myself having both positive and negative projections wherein within ‘playing’ with both, I would end up simply being entertained in the mind by either/or with no physical / tangible doing that would mean a single decision to get things done, such as just writing it out.

Thus as much as imagination would be linked to facing a point of fear in relation to the task at hand, the positive imagination would be me convincing myself of what I could instead do to not have to face the point of actually just doing it.

 

A specific thought among others is when I think of me being at the office of my professor and waiting for a verdict on my paper wherein such single image of the office is linked with a negative energy experience that I have created a resistance toward due to thinking and believing that the word ‘revision’ means doing it all over again several times. I explained the thought of ‘the office’ in the previous blog linked to fear of having to confront my ideas with another person – hence the thought would become an actual play out of events in my mind which is more in the realm of imagination of how it would go finally facing the point and how I would direct myself in the situation:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistance to actually doing the written document due to this single thought of me sitting in front of my professor’s chair at his office and waiting for a verdict on the current state of the work, hoping for it to go well without realizing that with me creating this single thought and going into the imagination of him telling me that it is either ‘done’ or ‘requires a lot of re-writing to be done,’ I create an actual resistance to do anything at all – this means that whether my imagination is positive or negative about it, I remain entertained only in my mind about it instead of actually physically doing it.

 

When and as I see myself entertaining myself in my mind with regards to a positive or negative feedback upon my work, I stop and I breathe – I realize that what is being created in my mind is of no substance other than my own thoughts that are built upon a future projection of me having ‘finished the work,’ which is precisely what needs to be directed by me in physical reality.

 

I realize that I will invariably have to face such imagination-point as an actual event of going for revisions and that in no way do I require to create an expectation about it being good or bad – I assist and support myself to remain here as breath when and as I approach the office/ the person and take things as breath, ensuring that I do not try to make things only ‘my way’ but am open to perspectives/ constructive criticism that can in fact assist and support me to expand my current view/ perspective on the point.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘revision’ to a negative experience wherein I believe that I will have to re-do everything again and link this ‘re-doing’ to the ‘worst case scenario’ that I participate in within my mind, without realizing that this fear is actually me preventing me from actually doing anything at all.

 

Thus, when and as I see myself imagining the moment of revision of my work and being anxious and nervous while having him reading the whole thing, expecting for the worst to happen, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am able and capable of supporting myself to remain here as breath, realize that I can only hear and be willing to co-operate within going through the written document as many times as required in order to have everything done in a suitable manner, without creating any stress or anger for having to repeat the whole thing/ repeat some parts as I see and realize that this is part of doing this work thus

I commit myself to stop any fear and imaginary play outs of the worst case scenario as having to repeat myself several times, which I see is a possibility within the nature of the current task at hand – and that in no way do I require to create a negative experience toward it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a future projection of be expecting ‘the worst’ within the imagination-rolling of this thought of the office wherein I play out a hypothetical situation of me having to re-do the whole thing over and over and over again, getting frustrated about it and this is so without realizing that with me simply giving Into this thinking and imagination processes, I am in fact giving permission for me to eventually really go through this,  as I am being the creator of myself and my reality, believing that I somehow had to ‘face’ such points in order to see ‘who I am’ within them, which is absolutely Not necessary as I can simply decide to stop all future projections in the negative realm of it all ‘going wrong,’ stop all resistances and fears in one single moment and actually do the doing as an actual doing as point of Self Movement that must take place by my own physical decision to type and write it out.

When and as I see myself rolling the thought of the office into an imaginary moment of having to confront my work with another being, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is me sabotaging myself with no substance to it other than entertaining myself in the mind instead of actually doing – thus

I commit myself to stop going into imagination about future projecting the confrontation/ presentation of my work with other beings and as such, assist and support myself to be here as breath throughout the entire process, as I see and realize that going into nervousness, anxiety or frustration leads nowhere but having to eventually do it all over again no matter what, as I realize that this has to be done and there is no other way around it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the imagination of being in the room of examination with all professors and having them asking the question ‘what does this all have to do with your career’? which is a primary imagination play out due to my own backchat toward my career choice and my belief that I am betraying ‘my vocation’ by now being dedicated more to the study of the human mind and not so much in the creative process of visual arts, without realizing that we use our mind to create and as such there is no possibility to dissociate a physical externalization as an ‘expression’ of ourselves without making use of the mind.

Thus I realize that this self-creation process is of course as relevant as any other aspect/ consideration within any expression, as it is an externalization of who we are/ how we are existing as the mind.

When and as I see myself going into imagination of that moment of having to confront my work and receive criticism for it not being ‘visual arts related,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that there’s no sense of going into this thoughts and participate within it as it is only based on fear and further backchat that I’ve had toward my own career and current interests in life, which can be certainly equally supported by both activities, as both points are related to who we are as humans and as such, there’s no need to create a dissonance around this in my mind any further.

 

I commit myself to stick to the physical, common-sense reality that is here for me to walk and direct myself in, wherein I do not require to imagine the whole thing ‘being done’ as I can only stick to writing it and working on it as a physical action in the moment, as I see and realize that imagining possible outcomes with it serves no purpose but distraction in relation to the actual work that requires to be done.

— to be continued

 

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Day 169: After Death Communication – Part 18

 

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Hey Nostradamus! – Personality suit exposed

“Look at us. We’re all born lost, aren’t we? We’re all born separated from God – over and over life makes sure to inform us of this – and yet we’re all real: we  have names, we have lives. We mean something. We must. My heart is so cold. And I feel so lost. I shed my block of hate but what if nothing emerges to fill in the hole it left? The universe is so large, and the world is so glorious, but here I am on a sunny August morning with chilled black ink pumping through my veins, and I feel like the unholiest thing on earth.” – Douglas Coupland

This is an excerpt from Hey Nostradamus! a book by Douglas Coupland that I read some 6 years ago  while being on a ‘spiritual journey’ a mind one, not an actual trip.  I had read other books by him as well, including ‘Life after God’ of which I will probably write about some other time.

In this book he depicts an entire process of ‘struggling’ with the idea of there being some type of ‘god’ while walking a continual paradox as this reality that would indicate that there is non. However, this particular quote depicts the type of writings I would solace myself with, some type of misery that  would enhance my world view, add the necessary ‘energy kick’ to keep my personality suit that I’ve described before in the Death and Destruction entry.

These type of writings is what I filled myself up while being on my late teenage years which was ‘cool’ at the time and in accordance to my questions and general desire to ‘know’ some type of ‘truth,’ to have or gain some sort of feedback as a ‘certainty,’ a kind of knowledge and information that could give ‘meaning’ to my life. Just as Douglas explains there, I was seeking for some sort of proof that this wasn’t only a cosmic joke and that our lives would have to inevitably ‘mean’ something.

Part of walking this process is debunking the lie that we’ve lived with this entire ‘yearning for God’ experience which is actually preprogrammed as an inherent belief to never see and realize that: we’ve always been here, that we are ALL that exist and that any form of philosophical trip looking for ‘meaning’ and ‘truths’ is in separation of the most obvious facts that are here, equally visible and tangible for all: we are the ones that have set the rules of how it all functions – we are the ones that have perpetuated the disagreements that are currently leading this world to a point of self-destruction based on the inherent disregard that we’ve had toward one another, yet keeping ourselves busy seeking some form of ‘inner-peace’ and ‘enlightenment’ while depleting the world and abusing all that is here in the meantime.

Our relationship toward an elusive idea of ‘God’ became another way of ‘coping with reality’ as if the idea of some superior and powerful ‘god’ could give us some ‘extra-strength’ to face ourselves. He places it quite nicely in the following quote: ‎”I think God is how you deal with everything that’s out of your own control”. I was once a God believer and as much as I have left this part of the process ‘behind,’ it’s cool to bring it up as a point of support for anyone reading this and still going through a process of disenchantment toward the belief in something ‘superior’ or ‘divine’ as an actual entity called ‘God.’ I clearly once believed out of tradition, out of passed-on belief, out of fear of literally having to realize there is nothing or no one ‘superior here’ – yet never getting to realize who I really am as one and equal as all that exists – who would want some type of ‘god’ within that equation?

The quote I placed here describes a general ‘mindset’ that I could tag with many names like melancholy, self-pity, misery, loneliness, gloom,  sadness, depressive, shoegazer,  doomy and mostly a general sense of ‘despair’ toward the world. Lol it’s cool to debunk this because this ‘attitude’ and general energetic experience became ‘my life’ and ‘who I was’ for such a long time. Seeing life through this smokescreen where everything seemed so elusive, so vague, so ‘magnificent’ yet seeing myself as something really ‘petty’ for this world, sometimes ‘not belonging’ and some others just believing that I had been born in the ‘wrong planet.’

Here I am, six years after I read this book and having walked for some years a process of understanding my personality and how I created myself, I can see how it is within this gloomy self idea of myself and the world that I kept myself just ‘busy’ with my own mind, seeking to create more experiences out of books like these, out of my own relationships with people that could fully support this type of ‘tragic’ perspective on reality, just sitting at caffés pondering about life, chain-drinking-smoking-coffee and doing nothing else but that. 

Now I realize how all of that is an absolute ‘waste of time’ in terms of remaining only as a certain experience that becomes ‘who we are’ while limiting ourselves and our ability to actually step out of such mind-frame, which is essentially the process we’re walking here.

First of all to stop all hope and yearning/ wondering about ‘life’ and instead realizing how we can practically start actually LIVING in this world by investigating/ writing/ looking at how other beings are living, how is the system that I live in functions, how are we keeping this system running, why have I accepted and allowed myself to be consumed by my own self-created experiences instead of looking at the reality that is here, that is myself, a reality that I am a part of and that I’m disregarding while keeping myself ‘busy’ up in my mind, continuing my gloomy view toward this world as if that was the only ‘thing’ I could ‘do’ – helplessness, a general sense of ‘I’m a victim of this world’ is what I was oozing all the time. I’m glad those times are over – though the process of disengaging from the actual self-created personality is still being walked as this is HOW I have created myself – resonating with everything that could support my inability to stand up and take self responsibility – why? Because being a victim is much easier than taking the necessary steps to ‘step up’ and become the change that I was only judging and criticizing/ complaining about in this world.

We’re not LOST, we can only LOSE ourselves up there in the self-created mazes of our mind – we are here, we are breathing, we walk, we eat, we shit, we interact and all in all I keep ‘finding myself here’ therefore, such ‘lostness’ was certainly another excuse to be aloof and idle and a general ‘drama queen’ to not face my reality and instead, indulge into addictions that could support my eternal ‘yearning’ for something/ someone to change the world.

Such feeling and experience as feeling like an outcast, a sense of being kicked out of paradise, looking for ‘god’ all the time is only the belief of such separation from ‘god/ source’ which has gotten us to neglect the life that we are and have been all the time, Here  – get the interviews on the Atlanteans to understand how and why this point happened. It’s all been an actual disregard of ourselves – us missing ourselves as ‘the point’ of our existence. We only can redeem ourselves to be actually able to stand here in Self Honesty as one and equal to this world by walking a process of Self For.giveness: I give myself back to myself to realize that the only thing I’ve missed is ‘myself’ as life  – hence I walk a process to learn how to LIVE in equality as everything/ everyone that is equally here.

Through this process of Self Honesty, I’ve learned how to trust myself, to not only seek to ‘stand in the back’ within this form of ‘inferiority’ and ‘pettiness’ as part of a self experience, wanting others do everything for me, to have someone ‘stepping up’ and keeping myself in a comfortable zone wherein I cannot make any mistakes or get ‘harmed’ by others – which was quite the ultimate defense mechanism within me to not face myself. My personality was then able to ‘fit’ into the world as a ‘sensitive person’ that could then be justified for being ‘down’ and then seeking something/ someone outside of myself to ‘get up’ and then down again in a never ending rollercoaster of energetic thrills. I remember how a friend of mine would say how he’d get to ‘enjoy’ being immersed in absolute self-misery and depression – I couldn’t fathom that and I judged him in that moment without realizing I was doing exactly the same thing within myself.

So – topics on alienation, loneliness, black comedy, drama, spirituality, angst, sorrow, acceptance, tragedy, the absurd and complex have been part of the ‘key words’ that I’d sought for and that I just took from the back cover of this book – lol.

What’s great about this is that once that the ‘pattern’ and personality is in my face, I cannot fool myself in pretending that I have not ‘become’ this by mere act of empathy. It’s called personality designs and I’m here to stop it, because it’s only a bloody program, because I see how even if in my mind there is still this desire to ‘keep it in place,’ it’s the ultimate statement of separation from the physical reality that is just HERE: no experience attached!

Have a look at a skinny, leafless tree with several branches twisted up high in a forest-like scenario at dusk – that I would immediately associate with this entire self-experience which indicates to what level I have brainwashed myself to add an entire experience to the sole expression of a single tree in a certain environment. Fascinating.

I am here to stop that, to see reality for what it is, to see and realize how I do not require to add any extra-toppings to reality with emotions and feelings that I had deemed as ‘indications’ of ‘being alive’ – that was probably one of the most impressive revelations in my life, whereas I had deem that the more I ‘felt’ = the more alive I was. What a lie – but we are fortunately well prepared now to face these buckets of cold water and support ourselves to actually LIVE.

So, no more gloomy self experiences for me – all of this is coming out quite nicely so I suggest that you, reader of this blog, take on this exercise for yourself:  have a look at the points that you’ve identified yourself with in your reality and see how they have defined ‘who you are’ in one way or another. To me this is kind of ‘bringing up the past’ but unless I stop myself from participating in all types of emotions and feelings, I will continue existing as that past – hence it is cool to lay it out for oneself to see what I have accepted and allowed myself to identify ourselves with as the preprogrammed personality design and stop participating in it here, for once and for all.

Now, this is not in any way a ‘bashing’ toward Coupland, he’s written out cool books that I see were ‘bridges’ for me to walk upon to then get to the actual swallowing point of realizing: there is no God, there is no such thing as ‘ultimate truth’ – you are it, you are here, you take responsibility and create a world that’s best for all – simplicity at its finest – but here I leave some cool quotes by Mr. Coupland.

Enjoy and thanks for reading

‎”I wondered why it is that going to heaven is the only goal of religion, because it’s such a selfish thing”

‎”To acknowledge God is to fully accept the sorrow of the human condition”

“A world of continuous miracles would be a cartoon, not a world”

‎”I think God is how you deal with everything that’s out of your own control”

‎”Dear God,
I’m going to stop believing in you unless you can tell me what possible good could have come from the bloodshed. I can’t see any meaning or evidence of divine logic”

 

Assist and support yourself to walk out of the personality suits we’ve become as part of this game or roles we’ve played in this world – let’s walk a process of actual LIVING and not only feeling and believing in something/someone that we are Not.

desteni.org

 

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Coupland, Douglas. Hey Nostradamus!. 1st ed. New York: Bloomsbury , 2003. 146. Print.


Hitchens is dead… and god as well

I just got to know Christopher Hitchens is dead which is interesting because it’s been only a few weeks since I first heard/saw the man in videos. A co-worker showed me his work, specifically the following one Hell’s Angel: Mother Teresa by Christopher Hitchens that reveals the convenient figure that ‘the west’ took from Mother Theresa to create a revival to the catholic church being somewhat ‘benevolent’ and caring for those that suffer, eventually turning her into a saint that is very well debunked within this documentary by Hitchens.

He exposes what seems the truth behind the woman and her real intentions behind the benevolent character that was shaped and promoted ‘all of a sudden’ by the media around the world. She is shown as a rather negligent person toward those that she deemed to care for and instead, enjoying traveling the world, having meetings with the most wealthy people in the world, travelling in private planes while collecting massive amounts of funds to benefit the creation of apparent ‘beneficence’ which in her schemes meant more convents for the faithfully deceived, Not hospitals for the diseased –  amongst other revealing facts that I didn’t know about this particular icon such as ‘Mother Theresa’ that has become the synonym in the collective unconscious of ‘benevolence’ and a symbol of an apparent ‘poverty vow’ that was certainly exposed to be a lucrative façade for the world.

 

I heard other conferences Hitchens gave on YouTube because my co-worker is quite a ‘fan’ of the man, so I got to hear how he would expose in an acute and accurate manner revealing facts about religion, specifically the roman catholic church and the atrocities committed by this oligarchy in the world. We all know religion has been ‘the opium of the masses’ and god a convenient excuse to not take self responsibility, though ‘atheism’ in itself becomes quite a repetitive rant that leads nowhere other than ‘denying god’ and once again pointing fingers at the ‘oppressors’ without taking any step further than that. Defining yourself as an ‘atheist’ is still defining yourself according the non-existence of ‘god’ which includes ‘god’ and the concept is therefore reinforced instead of being eradicated in its entirety.

 

Atheists then have the tendency to become rather religious about their opposition and perspectives toward ‘god’ and religion. Till this day – and after having gone through several other atheists and open critics toward religions/ god/ belief systems – it is only at Desteni and specifically Bernard Poolman that I found people that would be able to speak about the non existence of god not only to debunk the belief system and god as an excuse for inaction and exposing it without any bit of shame or ‘special regard’ – but also creating of this point of awareness an entry point for common sense, creating an ‘open ground’ for Self Realization developed as a form of Self Responsibility wherein we get to the conclusion that: we are the creators of this world, we are the ones that must stand up and take the wheel of this reality beginning with ourselves, individually – yet driven by the same principle: Equality as life. From here every speech/ interview/document by Bernard and everyone participating at Desteni will be a point to expose ourselves and the system while presenting the tools to take self responsibility and presenting the ultimate solution like the Equal Money System which is the way we can get to live in Self-Honesty in this world.

As much as I can agree on all that is spoken about the atrocities and general corrupted ways that institutions like the church have conducted in this world for the sake of their own benefit/power and confirming what I had ‘loathed’ from it as the money-making scam and massive brainwashing conquest that it represents in the world, I found that I only required to ‘hear the facts once’ and then move on to stop judging and become part of a solution. With this I mean moving from being an eternal religion-loather and god-debunker to a position of self responsibility wherein I have realized that complaining or exposing god/ religious systems and any other belief must be accompanied by a solution, otherwise we are no different to occupy wall street-fighters that solace pointing fingers at the world without realizing: ‘oh it’s myself as well, it’s my creation, I am the system, I power the system.’

 

This is a convenient moment to speak about people like Hitchens that informed themselves and had the ability to generate material that has been shared for educational purposes and is valuable for the facts and the manner in which they are presented which ensures skepticism is ‘kept in place.’ Though, we can only take him and other similar peers as a ‘stepping stones’ and cautionary tales to debunk all belief systems in the world to create an actual solution that can stand as a literal consideration of all in equality. For that, we don’t require to be constantly denying god or being absolutely blasphemous – we just require to focus on ourselves and our point of self responsibility. Once god is debunked and out of the equation,we only require to look at where we neglected our own ability to respond and regard each other as equals.

We can now move on to ensure we create a world wherein no hidden interests are kept in devious forms like religions/ cults/ political parties or any other ‘antagonist’ which is certainly also part of the same game once that it is used as another form of religion – e.g. atheism.

All ‘isms’ can be flushed down the toilet when we realize we only have to live by a single principle that can be lived and applied by everyone without having to ‘comply’ to any form of belief.

Equality is based on facts, on the reality that is here equally observable, tangible, breathable and livable by every participant. From here, establishing what’s best for all is a consensus to regulate our lives considering everyone and everything as equals, giving to each other what we want for ourselves. We require one single law to debunk all greed, self importance or any other inflation of sorts that has kept the current make-believe system in place: Equality as Life.

Time to wake up, time to stop being an ‘atheist’ only and dare to step on the ground of self-responsibility as an actual creator.

Visit http://www.equalmoney.org to inform yourself on how to stop running within/as the most common god that exists at the moment: money.

 


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